Page 81 of Finding Hope

I look at the walls, picture frame after picture frame, canvas after canvas. I recognize most of the faces. Jack and his brothers. Jack and Kit. A young Jack, standing in a line of men; Jack and Jon both with black eyes, though they all wear crazy big grins. Pictures of Jack in a tux. Pictures of all the guys and an older lady, those same breathtaking grins on every face. I see a picture of the entire family wearing shirts with Tink and Jon’s faces on them.

Then I see pictures of Jack and a girl. Jack in a tux, and that girl in a gown. Jack shirtless, holding that girl against him as she wears a modest two-piece bikini. Jack holding fresh baby after fresh baby, with that girl standing beside him in almost every picture.

Steph was there for all of it.

They grew up together. She was always on his wings. And going by his body language, the proud smile on his face and the wicked glint in his eyes, she was exactly where he wanted her.

Turning with nerves deep inside my stomach, I smile and study his eyes. “She was beautiful.”

Sitting against the edge of his desk, his hair still wet with sweat, his chest still bare, he nods. “Yeah. She was.”

Turning back to the wall, I frown thoughtfully. “There are no pictures of you frombeforeyou met the guys.”

“I guess my life didn’t really start until I met the guys,” he muses. “Before that, I was on a similar path to destruction that I was on earlier this year.”

“Why do you do that?”

He shrugs dismissively. “Dunno. The only two times I’ve ever lost someone really important to me, I guess I just shut down. The world… hurts. I feel too much, so I become an asshole to try and spread the hate. I drink to try and numb the pain.”

“You drank a lot?”

He nods, though his eyes turn stormy. Disappointment shines within them.

Disappointment aimed straight at himself.

“I guess I’m a self-diagnosed alcoholic. I drank. All. The. Time. I smoked pot. I took every last painkiller the doctors prescribed me. But when it all came to a boiling point, it was the alcohol I craved. I wanted a drink so fucking bad, and the more I craved it, the angrier I got at myself for creating that dependency.” He shakes his head. “I don’t drink anymore.”

“At all?”

“Not at all. Not a drop.” Shaking his head with disappointment, he runs an unsteady hand through his hair. “Steph died from a drunk driver. Then I became no better than him. I almost ran my nephew down in our own driveway.” Swallowing heavily, he drops his eyes to the floor. “Luke, one of the twin boys, was riding a tiny plastic trike in our street. I was so angry, I wasalwaysso fucking angry. I tore out of my driveway, and if it wasn’t for Jon beingright there,snatching Luke up at the exact right second, I might’ve killed him.”

My heart thumps painfully, not from nerves or excitement, but from the pain in his voice. This strong man, this man who is easily twice my size, sits bent over as though life is just too heavy.

“But that’s not even what snapped me out of my…funk. Somehow, for some reason, it was you.”

“Me?”

“Mmhmm.” Lifting his head, desperate eyes bore into mine. “Doesn’tmake sense, right? If anything, it should’ve been that near miss. Itshould’vebeen the fact I almost killed my nephew. But it wasyou, the hot chick with sass, the woman who just wouldn’t slink away when I told her to go. You shouted at me, you stood up to me, and something that night finally pushed through the fog.”

“Jack–”

“That next day, I tried to go back to the old me. Like I could justdecideand it would be that easy. I went for my first run since before the accident. I didn’t last more than ten minutes before I limped home, retching and shaking. I went to Kit’s house, I hugged my nephew and begged his forgiveness. When he kissed my nose and squeezed my face with his chubby little hands, when he told me he loves me and that he didn’t even hold a grudge that I almost killed him, whatever key you started to turn the night before finished its revolution, and I started to work on getting better. I mean, fuck, Bambie.”

Jack’s haunted eyes dig deep into my heart. “Kit took me in, just like that. Saving my life, not for the first time. Jon hugged me, even though it was his son I almost killed. Everyone simply forgave every horrible thing I ever did to them.”

Walking forward, I stop between Jack’s open legs, close, but not touching. “Your family is very special.”

Nodding, his watery eyes flick between mine. “They are. They’re everything, and the only thing I have.”

“You have me.”

His eyes blink… blink… blink.

“I don’t mean to replace Steph. I could never– No one could ever–” I take a deep breath. “I just mean, I can be your friend. I’m not looking for a husband. I’m not even looking for a boyfriend. But I like you. I think you’re a very sweet man. Loyal. Kind. My life would be better for having you in it.”

Shaking his head, he looks down between us. “I don’t know how I can continue to treat people the way I do… the way Idid,and yet, I’m still rewarded with people like you.” He points toward his door. “People like them.”

“Maybe because the universe knows you’re better than that guy. Or maybe it’s your dad or Steph, because they know who you really are,deepdown, and they’re pointing the right people in your direction.”

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