Page 201 of Finding Hope

It’s our thing.

We talk boys…one boy.We talk dogs…one dog.And I chat with her like she’s truly here and truly replying to every dumb joke I make.

I spend so much time with my brothers lately, the dumb jokes are frying my brain.

Taking the long way through the gardens today, I stop and steal a few flowers before taking them to Jack and Kit’s dad.

He doesn’t talk to me, not like Steph kind of does.

I imagine he’s just quiet, watchful. He’s just being a dad and hoping for the best for his kids.

Following the exact path I made yesterday, I place a flower in front of his headstone, and scan the grass in hopes of seeing the silver glint of my bracelet.

Still nothing.

I lost my bracelet sometime between lunchtime and dinnertime yesterday, and I want it back so much, I can barely catch my breath.

I want a lot back, but not everyone can have everything, and I already have a lot.

“I hope you’re doing okay today, Mr. Reilly.” I squat down in front of his marker and smile at his name, then beneath that in a beautiful scroll,‘loving father.’

I bet he was a good man. They speak of him fondly, and his kids are kind of awesome. I bet he wishes he got to meet his grandbabies.

Such sweet babies.

“It’s nice and sunny out today. I hope you can feel it wherever you are. It feels a bit like a hug.” I stand again and fuss with his flowers until they sit up nicely. “I’m looking for my bracelet. Jack bought it for me. You know the one, I’ve showed you before, so if it’s not too much trouble, maybe you could help me and keep an eye out.” I run the fingers of my uninjured arm across his headstone, because even though I try so hard to think of everything Idohave, I can’t stop thinking of what Idon’t. “Tell Kit and Jack I said hello. And that I miss them.”

That I love them.

Wandering away to keep searching for my bracelet, I follow the winding path I took yesterday. Anyone else following my zigzagging path would think I was high. I wasn’t. I was simply enjoying the sunlight.

And I had nowhere better to be.

It’s still summer vacation, so school’s out for a little while longer. And even if it wasn’t summer, the doctors said I have to stay home to rest.

I feel pretty much all better. A little tired sometimes, but that’s mostly because my arm was either itchy or sore and kept me awake.

The last couple nights, I’ve caught a solid ten hours, so I know I’m on the up. I never thought I’d say it – because I’ve been waiting my whole life to make my brothers my slaves – but I can’t sit still any more. I can’t read another book. I can’t be waited on anymore.

I need to bemeagain.

I look forward to going back to school, back to normalcy, back to my life.

But mostly, I look forward to seeing Evie.

I haven’t seen her once since the day Brad hurt me. In fact, I haven’t seenanyof the Kincaid men or children. The women stopped by the hospital a couple times – they brought sugary snacks and magazines, and sat with me for an hour here and there – but they never once mentioned Jack, and I wasn’t brave enough to ask.

I haven’t seen Jack since the visit that Luc interrupted.

Since then, I’ve only seen him in my dreams.

Every. Single. Night.

Which isn’t so bad. Dreaming of Jack is kind of on every girl’s wish list anyway, and the way I dream of him, the way he flew into my classroom like a superhero, the way he took Brad down like a masked crusader slaying my enemies… they’re pretty pleasant dreams.

I wake with a smile every single morning… for twenty seconds. Then I’m brought back to reality, back to an itchy arm, tangled hair, and an empty bed.

He’s not mine.

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