Page 200 of Finding Hope

She looked so natural, there was no way I could doubt her.

“Someone saved me.” I smile, it’s small, it’s a little pained, but it’s there as I look up into the eyes of the man who killed my sweet Stephanie. I let him see my smile. I let him see the peace in my eyes. “I’m okay. Mostly. I have a lot of stuff I’ve still gotta fix, but I have other things that are a true blessing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I smile bigger this time. “I have my family. I was a horrible brother for a long time, a terrible uncle. I chose alcohol and bitterness over them, but even after everything I put them through, I still have them and they still love me.”

Nodding thoughtfully, he considers my words.

“I was angry with you, Glenn. So fucking angry. But my anger was hurting only me and those that I love. It wasn’t hurtingyouat all, so at some point, I just let it go.”Like a balloon being released into the night.“I had to let it go… Someone very special helped me do that.”

He nods again, so fucking nervous and fidgety. “I’m glad you have that, Jack. I’m glad to see you looking well.”

I look him up and down. Washed blue jeans. Unremarkable collared gray shirt. No watch or belt. No-brand sneakers. His wedding ring is his only accessory. His most noticeable features are sunken cheeks and sad eyes.

“You gonna be okay? Do you have family to help you? You have a home and a job and stuff?”

He shrugs nervously. “I’ll be okay. I’ve had a while to think out my next move. This was the first step.” He indicates over his shoulder. “I’ve been thinking about this day for a long time.”

“I’m sure she enjoyed your visit.”

His eyes lighten as he studies me. “You really think so?

I think about Steph, about how sweet she was, how she’d never stay mad at someone. She saw the best in everyone, always.

She saw the best inme.

“Sure. She likes visitors.”

“Do you think–” He stops nervously and studies me. “Do you think it would be okay if I dropped in here sometimes to say hello? I won’t come looking for you,” he rushes out. “I won’t bother you at all. I just thought maybe she’d like flowers sometimes.”

“Yeah.” I nod easily. Far easier than I ever expected I would when in the presence of the man who killed her. “Anytime. She’d like that.” His watery eyes follow my every move, my arm still sitting high against my chest in a sling, my other hand as it rests on Annie’s head. “Ah, I usually come Sundays. So maybe come a different day.”

He nods quickly. “Okay.”

“Her birthday’s coming up soon. She likes purple flowers.”

He nods again.

We speak logistics for another minute – because I don’t particularly want to make seeing him a weekly habit – then with another quick peek and a soft hand sliding over her headstone, he walks away with our gym’s business card in his pocket – just in case.

If he truly needs help, one of my brothers can go to him.

Finally alone with her, I sit in my usual spot and wait for Annie to settle in behind me. “Hey, Stephy.” I study her etchings, her large headstone, her flowers.

My eyes lock onto the strange object sparkling in the sun, partially hidden in the long grass and flowers.

Picking it up and bouncing it in my palm, my heart gallops at the power that surges in my blood. “You’re a popular girl, huh?”

45

BRITT

SO CLOSE

We’re gifted with another perfectly sunny day, something that the universe has been particularly kind about lately;not that I’ve been out much.My time spent in the sun only extends as far as my backyard to watch my brothers skate, and every few days when I come here.

I bask in the warm rays, pull my shorts a little higher on my thighs so I don’t get a weird tan line, and like we’re at a sleepover, I visit with Steph.

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