Page 166 of Finding Hope

“Bambie!”

Smiling, I sway in my seat. “What?”

“Are you drunk?”

“Nope.”

“You’re slurring your fucking words!”

“Dunno what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Why are you doing this to us?” His plea, the simple sentence, has my heart flopping in my chest. “I thought we were happy, Britt? I thought we were good for each other?”

“No, Jack.” Smile gone, tears rush furiously over my cheeks. “I think you lost your chance at happiness. She’s in heaven.”

“Alright!” X snatches my phone and crushes the power button until the screen goes black. “That’s enough of that. You’ll thank me tomorrow.”

“X–”

“What the hell is the matter with you?” When I finally look up to meet his eyes, his face turns white. “Brittany, what the fuck? I haven’t seen you cry since you broke your arm.” When I begin sobbing, noisy, chest heaving sobs, he takes me in his arms and rocks.

I never sob. Not even when I was eleven years old and told– sternly, since it was the second cast in as many weeks –no skating for two whole months.

“Honey, what’s the matter? Talk to me.”

“I’m in love with a man who doesn’t love me back, X.” I scrunch his shirt between my fingers. “I should’ve listened to you. I should’ve run the other way. Instead, I jumped in head first, fell in love, but he’s still in love with his dead girlfriend.”

“Brittany,” he groans into my hair. “Honey, stop crying.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Has he hurt you? Has he actually done anything to cause this? Because from where I stand – even though Ireallydon’t wanna see it – that boy’s in love with you, too.”

“He’s not. He…” I take a halting breath. “He said her name the other day… when… when I…”

“Ugh!” Jumping back with disgust, his expression is almost comical.Almost. “Okay, gross. Okay.” He shakes his entire body to rid the grossness of his sister having a sex life. “That’s… unfortunate.”

I drop my face into my hands. “He doesn’t even know. He was asleep when I…” I peek up at my brother’s pale face. I’ve thoroughly grossed him out. “He doesn’t even know. But I can’t tell him. I’m such a fool, X. We never made promises. I knew about Steph, I knew what I was getting into. I thought we were just fun, but now I love him, and he loves someone else.”

“You need to talk to him, honey. Despite what women think, mencannotread minds. He doesn’t even know why you’re mad.”

“But what does it matter? He loves someone else! That’s not gonna change, and I’m not going to guilt him into loving me. I’m not a puppy that needs a new home.”

Sitting forward, Alex pries my hands away from my face. “But Steph is gone.” He waits for my eyes to meet his. “He might miss her, they have a lot of history, but he can’t beinlove with her anymore. She’s gone.”

I sigh with exhaustion. I’ve been around and around this a million times before. “I can’t fight her ghost, X. And I can’t live my life playing his second choice.”

“So what are you gonna do? Ghost on him? I’m always on your side, Britt. You’re my baby sister,andI don’t even like the prick, but ghosting him is cruel. He deserves better than that.”

35

JACK

DÉJÀ VU

Just knock on the fucking door.

Knock, pretend everything’s okay, go to dinner. Beg her to love you.

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