Page 107 of Finding Hope

I was terrified to ever show my face, for fear that she blamed me for what happened to her daughter. If I ever saw her or her husband in the store – not that I went often – I tucked my tail and ran my ass back home. If I saw her brother out in the clubs, I simply left.

There’s no way in hell, not even drunk and stoned, that I was stupid enough to hang around and let Matty see me out of control.

And I especially refused to let him see me with another woman.

“Marian.”

“Jack.” Threading her arms around my stomach, Steph’s mom pressesher face against my chest. “I’ve missed you, honey. You have no clue how much I’ve missed you.”

I look up to the sky and try not to cry like a baby. “I’m sorry I haven’t been by–”

“Hey.” Shaking her head, she pulls back to meet my eyes. “It’s okay. We grieve in our own way. We cope the best we can.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah.” She sniffles. Her husband and son hover close behind her. “Today’s kind of hard, but I’m okay.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Your sweet friend Brittany called me.” Marian reaches out blindly and takes Britt’s hand like they’re old friends. “She said she had something for us. I guessyou’reour something. Gosh, I’ve missed you.”

Curiously, I look down into Bambie’s eyes.

“I called Kit,” she answers my unspoken thought. “She gave me Marian’s number. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I want you to let go of the guilt.”

“We don’t blame you, honey. What happened to my baby was the drunk driver’s fault.Youprotected her for so long. You loved her. We’ve never blamed you.”

Stepping forward, Steph’s dad takes Marian under his arm and extends a hand toward me. “I’ve missed you, son. It’s been so quiet without you and Steph. We already lost her, don’t let us lose you, too.”

“You never took me out for that beer you promised,” Matty says.

I look into Steph’s baby brother’s eyes. No longer a kid, but a twenty-one-year-old man. I won’t ever take him out for that beer, but maybe we could still hang out.

“I’ve missed you, Jack.”

I step forward – and take Bambie with me, because I just can’t let her go – and I throw my arm around Matty. “I’ve missed you too, bud. I’m sorry I ditched.”

“It’s alright.” He steps back. “This girl,” he nods at Britt, “she just your friend, or…”

I glance down at Britt’s stupid grin, then back up to his. “Huh?”

“She’s kinda hot.”

“Matthew!” Marian slaps her son’s arm. “Stop that.”

Laughing, he steps back with raised hands. “Maybe you could slip me some fight passes or something. I’m not as cool as I used to be, now that I can’t claim you as my brother. The hot girls want the fighters. And you’re only someone I used to know.”

I laugh, and though it sounds watery and weak, it feels cathartic. “I’ll hook you up, I promise. And you can claim me. It’d be my honor to be the reason you get the hot chicks.”

“Jack!” Marian slaps my arm, but it’s all for show.We all grieve in our own way. We all cope the best we can.

Turning back to Bambie, I press a kiss to the top of her head, then I take the cap off my marker and accept the balloon she offers.

With shaking hands, I simply write,‘I love you.’

Sticking close to me when everyone else takes a step back, Britt nods and presses a gentle kiss to my chest. “Now let it go. Let her catch it on her end. Shecan’tsee this balloon until you let it go.”

“Fuck, Bambie.” Using my shoulder, I scrub the tear from my cheek.

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