“Frank.” I move to the door and hold the handle, but before I slide in, I meet his eyes. “Tim sent you?”
He shakes his head. “Felix, ma’am.”
Fletch’s intake of air is like a shot echoing throughout the garage. “Who told Felix?” He looks to Archer, accusing. “You told him?”
“I didn’t say shit. I haven’t talked to anyone today except Lieutenant Fabian, to explain why we weren’t working, and then Captain Bower, for the same damn reason.” He studies Frank. “Tim told Felix?”
“Ms. Solomon, I believe.” He offers a hand as though I might need it to climb in. But I do so on my own, stepping up into the back seat and bending my back to walk across to my side. “It’s all very discreet,” he assures us. “This is not news being tossed around for fun, Detective.” He meets Fletch’s eyes. “You have my condolences, Detective Fletcher.”
Wordless, Fletch climbs in next and drops down with a thud to sit beside me. Which means Archer will follow third and sandwich our friend in the middle, despite how desperately I wish I could sit beside him myself. To hold his hand and find comfort in his touch. Because we’re here for Fletch today, but hell, my heart aches and my head thuds with pain. I’ve been up since last night, too, and I’m due for my medication. And water. And a meal that contains protein and something more substantial thangot this out of a vending machine.
“I’m not sending Mia away for the night.” Fletch lays his head back and closes his eyes as Frank shuts the door after Archer andslides into the front to get us moving. “I’m not being anywhere she’s not until the world stops spinning so fucking fast.”
“So we’ll stay with you,” Archer responds. “We’ll order something to eat and put a movie on so Mia can feel a little normalcy. We’ll stay with you all night.”
“No.”
“Yes. You won’t leave her? Well, I’m not leaving you,” he growls. “Jesus, Fletch. I know you’re hurting. I know you like to bathe in the fucking torture, but I’m gonna be here with you till this is done.”
“She’s gone.” He sniffs again and turns his head my way. Finally, his eyes flicker open, moist with tears and swollen with exhaustion. “Gone. Just like that.”
“She’s no longer in pain.” I’ve talked to those who grieve a million times over in the course of my career. It’s literally part of my job, so I set my hand on his and show him a gentle, barely there smile. “She was sick, Fletch. And even when she wanted to get better, that sickness kept bringing her pain. But that’s all gone now.”
“Minka…”
“It’s so final,” I choke out. “I know. But if we can see past the grief, we’ll start to acknowledge she’s now free. No more pain, no more addiction, and no more of the choices that led her to worse things. Someday, when this isn’t quite as raw, you may be able to understand she’s in a better place now.”
Enraged, his eyes flicker from sorrow to searing heat. “That’s so fucking convenient for everyone who couldn’t stand her. She was a bitch, a user, and a dirty addict. And now she’s in a better place. Yada yada yada. She’s no longer an inconvenience for anyone else, so while I mourn, you’re all out here celebrating that she’s no longer a problem.”
“No.” I wrap my fingers around his hand and hold on just tight enough to make him feel it. To assure him I won’t let go.“This isn’t about celebrating your emancipation from a woman who brought you a little trouble this past year or two. It’s about saying goodbye to the girl you fell in love with. It’s about longing for the woman you married and the one who carried your daughter in her belly. The one who gave birth, probably in that very hospital we just left. She gave you the greatest gift you’ll ever know. It’s okay to miss her and to be thankful for the good things she did, while also exhaling a breath of relief because she’s no longer in pain.”
“Do you believe in Heaven?” A single tear wells over and dribbles onto his cheek. The wet track left behind, tearing at my heart and leaving behind a pain I’m not sure will ever truly go away. “Even though she did bad things, Heaven forgives, right? So she’d be there right now, probably smiling. And the pain has gone away?”
I don’t know what I believe. I’m not sure if there’s more after death, and I can’t say I’ve given it a great deal of thought. I’ve spent my entire life wrapped up in what happensduringdeath, studying the body and not the spirit.
But I do know saying so brings comfort to those left behind. “Yeah. I believe she was done with that body she had been given because it was no longer good enough for her. It wasn’t healthy. I believe she’s in Heaven, watching you right now. And I think, with the addiction gone, and the bad choices wiped away, she’s that person you loved at the start. I believe that person trusts you to raise the daughter you made together. She trusts you to tell Mia whatever you think is right, to create the least amount of damage to a little girl who won’t quite understand what’s happening to the world around her. That means you can tell her tonight, or tomorrow, or next week, even. And none of those choices are wrong. You can tell her now, while it’s fresh, or you can sleep on it, so you’ve had time to think about what you’ll say, and that would be fine, too. You can tell her in medical terms,or you can talk about Heaven. There’s no wrong answer here, Fletch, because we all trust you to do whatever you think is best. But we want you to allow us to be here for you. While it hurts, while the pain and sorrow are at their very worst, we want you to allow us to help you.”
“I don’t want to keep the secret from her.” His breath catches as he drags his head around and looks out the windshield. It’s dark outside, but Copeland City streets are always lit with streetlamps and too many cars. “I won’t be able to get through the night and keep something like this from her.”
“So then we won’t.”
“She’s going to be heartbroken,” he croaks. “How do I share this with her without destroying her?”
“She’ll cry,” Archer finally inserts. “She’ll be sad. That’s completely normal, and it’s a healthy step as she works through her grief. But she’ll take her cues from you most of all.”
“From me?”
“Yeah. If you’re screaming and throwing things and not okay, then she won’t be either. But if you find a way to tell her calmly, then she’ll accept the new information peacefully. The tears will come either way, but the way we handle this can make it so much worse for her. Or not.”
“Calm.” He swallows and glances out the side window, panicked, as Frank pulls up outside his apartment building. Sweat instantly breaks out on his brow despite the snow beating down to land on the sidewalk, and his lips are pale and thin. But he looks at me, his eyes brimming with fatigue. “She’s going to be devastated.”
“I could tell her.” My heart thunders in my chest, pounding against my diaphragm as anxiety washes through my veins. Because I’ve been a child in the past, learning of a parent’s death. Twice. Though I was older than Mia is, and I was far too literal-minded not to understand immediately what was happening.“As a medical examiner, I’ve done this a lot. So I could sit down and talk to her, if you want. I could explain it in a way that might help. Maybe.”
“Minka…” Sitting forward, Archer burns my forehead with a look. “Babe. So soon after Thanksgiving?”
I hold Fletcher’s stare. “I could. I would do my best.”
“Please.” His voice catches, and his chest bounces with a sob he keeps trapped within his body. “Help me.”