Page 96 of Reckless

“I am in love with her.”

That was the first time I admitted it aloud. It felt right saying it, even though I should have probably said it to the person who stirred those feelings inside me.

“I don’t know how to respond to that.”

“Believe me. I know how you feel. I have been sitting on that revelation for a while now and still don’t know what to do with it.”

“Are you sure you’re in love with her?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe you should tell her then.”

“She wouldn’t want to hear it.”

“You can turn things around.”

“I can’t.” Moreover, I didn’t think I deserved to. Hannah believed in me, she was actually the only person to believe in me, and yet I betrayed her trust. Knowingly.

“Of course you can. You just don’t want to try, because you are scared she will kick you to the curb.”

I contemplated on that one for a moment, then asked. “Did she tell you something that sounded like she might reconsider?”

“No. She said she was done with you forever.”

“You could have stopped at no,” I murmured.

“I want my best friend to be happy and that seems to be connected to you, so pull yourself together and do something about it.”

“What if make it worse?”

“She had never ever said she was done with you up until now. In fact, I had never heard her say that about anyone. I think you hit the bottom.”

If I was really at the bottom and I had lost her grace, I couldn’t possibly make it worse. I stood up, left cash on the counter next to my drink, and left the bar.

“Any ideas on how to start?” I asked my sister. A phone call could be easily ignored. Hannah had probably blocked my number already. There was no point in trying that. I needed to get a reaction out of her.

“Do something that’s out of your comfort zone. Something she would immediately know you wouldn’t do before.”

“Okay. I have an idea. Say a good word about me, if you have the chance, will you?”

“I will definitely not.”

I laughed and we chatted while I got back home. Early the next morning I executed the first part of my plan, then waited patiently for any sign of life. Nothing. Not a phone call. Not a middle finger emoji. I hoped she would be so outraged she would call me or at least insult me via text messages.

She got off from work at six, so around five, I showed up in front of her office building, not wanting to risk her leaving before I could see her. Ten minutes after six she walked out on the street. I stood at the exact same spot I had waited for her before, back when we were dating and I was pretending I wasn’t breaking any laws.

Her eyes found me immediately and pinned me to the spot. Not that I was planning on going anywhere else now that she was coming out. She said her goodbyes to her colleagues, who looked at me with open hatred, then walked over to me. Her anger was so transparent, I braced myself for another slap.

Good. She is pissed. The plan is working.

“The nerve you have, Hartley.”

“Did you like them?” I asked referring to the bouquet of golden poppies I sent to her office.

“They look amazing in my trash can.”

I grinned despite my every intention. “I guess I deserve that.”

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