Page 24 of Reckless

Except he got really quiet after we drove off. There was something gloomy under all that fun exterior.

“Is everything okay?” I asked. “You look…” I paused waiting for him to say the right word.

I saw with my periphery that he turned his head to look at me. I could feel his eyes on my face. Seconds passed in total silence.

“I look…?” he finally asked, and I heard the smile in his voice. Not so gloomy after all.

“Forget it,” I shook my head. “I thought you were sad or something.”

“Sad?” he asked, full-blown laughing now. “I am not sad. I can’t even remember the last time I was sad.” He paused for a moment as if he knew exactly when that was, but he didn’t want to remember it, then continued. “When was the last time you were sad?”

I felt like he was asking me about us. It was a stupid assumption. Why would he do that? I also didn’t want to revive that miserable night in my own mind, let alone talk to him about it, so I just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

“When my neighbor’s cat died.”

“I thought you were a dog person.”

“I am,” I said, surprised he knew that. “That means I would get a dog, instead of a cat. Not that I hate cats and wish they were dead.”

His chuckle made me smile too. I still couldn’t believe how easy it was to talk to him. Even when we argued that morning, at the airport. I haven’t seen him for years, we had a messed up, complicated history and yet the conversation was just flowing like we were old friends.

“So you got sad because a cat that didn’t even belong to you died? That seems weird.”

“It’s not weird. My neighbor is an eighty-year-old lady. Her husband died twelve years ago. She adopted the cat shortly after his passing to have someone to talk to.”

“See? Relationships fuck people up. He left her alone and she started talking with cats.”

“The man died, Tyler. They had a great life together, but everyone dies eventually. You can’t hold that against him.”

“Death is just another reason not to get too attached to people. The person that is left behind will suffer.”

“What about the good memories?” I raised my voice.

“She got a cat to help her deal with her husband’s death. I think it’s pretty obvious that the good memories are not enough.”

“You can’t be serious,” I said outraged. “What about your parents? I’m sure they have good memories from their marriage even though it ended.”

“My father screwed a woman that was half my mother’s age. That woman showed up on our doorstep one day to share with us the details of their affair. The whole town whispered behind my parents’ backs for months. You know Sylvia almost as well as I do. Do you really think she lies in bed at night thinking about the good times she had with my father? I don’t think so.”

“What does she think about then?” I asked.

“How he ruined her life,” he said with a morbid tone.

My heart pounded in my chest. There was something else behind his words. It sounded like guilt. It felt wrong to push him for answers.

“That’s a possibility,” I agreed and stopped arguing.

We traveled the rest of the way to his mother’s house in silence. When he opened the door to get out of the car, I put my hand on his elbow. I couldn’t let him go without saying what was on my mind.

“You are not a bad person, Tyler.”

I knew that in my bones. I still remembered all the times Clem was trying to convince me otherwise. That he didn’t care about anyone. That I should stop dreaming about him and get on with my life. She turned out right about him not being the one for me, but I knew I was right about what he hid behind his walls.

He shifted in his seat to face me. “Maybe, little Spencer, but I am not a good one either.”

“That’s something you like to tell yourself. Like Clem loves to compare herself to Sylvia.”

“She does that?” he asked surprised.

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