Page 9 of In God's Name

“P.E.R.” He gets out before he starts dry heaving. I grip his chin and turn him just in time for him to vomit down his side instead of over my art work. The man’s sobs grow so loudly, his whole body shakes with them. “Oh God please stop!” He screams.

“God’s not here,” I chuckle in return. “But feel free to tell him I said hello when you meet.” I start to take over as he begins to flow in and out of consciousness. Finishing off my work with a V.E.R.T. I cross my T as his head finally stops flopping up and down. Drool streams out of his mouth and mixes with his blood. I sit back on my heels to admire my job. The pest is safe for now, safe from everything but me.

Chapter twelve

Lilith

The sunlight shining through my curtains feels as though it’s stabbing through my skull. I can’t even remember the last time I was hungover. This is such a cruel way for God to punish those who drink.

After almost getting me off, and then reinstating that he has to stay away from me, Elijah dropped me off at my apartment. Where I then kept drinking until I was finally able to fall asleep. I wish I would’ve put more thought behind my actions, but there’s nothing to do about it now.

I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. Why does he have to stay away from me? And more importantly, why can’t I love myself enough to stay away from him? My phone rings and the sound feels as though it’s gripping onto my brain and shaking it around.

“Good Lord,”I mumble as I answer the phone, “hey Leah I feel like absolute-”

“Oh thank God!” She breathes a sigh of relief into her phone. “You’re okay!”

“Yeah… Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You haven't heard?!”

“Heard what?” My stomach rolls. The anxiety mixes with my hangover and I’m positive if I move I’ll throw up.

“Some guy was murdered after he left the bar you went to last night. Police found him nailed to the bar’s front door.”

“Hang on let me look,” I croak as I put her on speaker and pull up the news tab on my phone. Instantly I freeze as the leaked crime scene photos appear on my screen. There he is, the creep from last night, hung up like he was put up on a cross. Nails are stabbed through his extremities. My eyes travel down the rest of his body before making my way back up to the gnarly gashes across his chest. “I AM A PERVERT” is carved into him. “Leah,” my voice comes out softly, “please come over.”

“I’m grabbing breakfast with Jacob’s mom, but I can come over after. Is everything alright?” Her voice comes out laced with concern.

“I spoke to that guy last night,” I whisper as tears begin to blur my vision. Something about this, about the words on his chest, make me feel as though this act was done for me. “Well, I wouldn’t say we spoke really. He wouldn’t get his hands off of me. Elijah showed up, I don’t know, it happened so quickly.” I rub my face with my palm as I try to calm down.

“Elijah didn’t hurt him did he?”

“Oh gosh no!” my voice comes out more protective than I meant.

“Okay…” Leah huffs out a breath of air before continuing, “I really can’t continue to blow her off. I haven’t seen her in person since the news broke and I’ve finally built up the courage to tell her about her grandchild. But I promise I’ll head straight there after okay?”

“Okay,” I choke out, “And good luck Leah. I know this has to be terrifying but she’s going to be so excited.”

“I know. Until I make it over, please take care of yourself. Grab some breakfast and get a shower in.”

We finish off the call with our typical “I love you’s” and “Goodbyes.” After a few minutes of enjoying the silence, I’m finally able to sit up without feeling like there’s a sledgehammer slamming into my skull. I flatten my comforter over my lap and look around my room. Dirty clothes are thrown around, and my stack of water bottles is starting to look like it could rival mount everest. I’ve tried to clean up, but every time I start to I’m reminded that John will never be able to take care of himself again. And the guilt of doing something for myself, when he can't, continuously shuts me out and I’m left with my mess.

Eventually my feet find their way to the floor, and drag my body into the bathroom. The level of cleanliness here is so much better thanks to Leah. Unlike me, her grief has been pushing her to take care of everyone else, to be strong. And while I’m grateful she hasn't let me drown in my own shit, I hope she's making time for herself too.

I hop into the warm water and let it run down my body. Adding some soap to the mix, I allow the water to wash off the uneasy feeling that has settled into my bones. By the time I’m finished, I’m already feeling so much better.

I toss on some black sweats and make my way into the living room where I plop myself down on the couch and resist the urge to look at my phone. Instead, I close my eyes and try to force my thoughts into a space where the murder isn’t in the

forefront. The guy was an asshole, who’s to say he didn't go to some other bar and hit on the wrong man's girlfriend?

Half an hour later, Leah is knocking on my door. I open it up to see her holding a bouquet with a note attached. “Hey!” I exclaim as I pull her into a hug, “did Jacob's mom get those for you?”

We separate from our embrace and begin to head inside as she informs me, “No, these were on your porch. Maybe Elijah has finally come to his senses.” She finishes off the sentence with a wink towards my direction. I feel myself blush as I grab the bouquet of roses from her and with shallow breaths I set it down on my coffee table. Leah plucks the note from its plastic holder and stretches it out to me. “Read it! I could really use some romance in my life.”

I shoot her a soft grin before unfolding the paper and begin to read it out loud, “It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of a living God. I hope you like my art-” I clutch the note in my hand, unable to finish. My face pales as I look at her and I drop the note to the ground. All the nausea I was feeling this morning comes back, full force, and sends me rushing into the bathroom. The panic forces me to get sick until I’m dry heaving and sobbing over my toilet. The bible verse replays in my head over and over again. Along with the rest of the note asking if I “Liked his art display.” This can’t be real.

“Lilith, I’m gonna come in and help you get cleaned up okay,” Leah calls through the crack in between the

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