Page 80 of Whisper Woods

“Yes, but you weregone.We knew you weren’t in Twin Heads and I couldn’t feel you in the Woods and—” He cuts off when I pull back, his face tipping up, frowning. I look at him and then Edith, then back to Theo.

“What do you mean you couldn’t ‘feel me in the Woods’?”

Pink colours Theo’s cheeks and he steps back out of our hug, mouth flapping as he tries to find the words. Edith comes to his rescue, patting my arm reassuringly.

“It’s a new trick he’s learnt. Still figuring it out. It’s all to do with how he’s tied to the Woods.”

“Oh.” I frown at my pint-sized friend who’s new gifts seem to be growing in leaps and bounds. He blushes almost radioactive red under the scrutiny, the soft golden glow that radiates from him pulsing.

“Come on, the others will be waiting for you. I’m sure Mauvy wants to feed you.” Edith is being surprisingly gentle with me as she coaxes me up the back steps of the tavern, into the kitchens.

I wave to Tilly and Kai, two of the morning kitchen staff, and let Edith settleme in at the big wooden prep table that is Mauvy’s domain. Theo sits close beside me, keeping an eye on me, I guess, while Edith trots off to go and round up the troops.

With each passing moment the bitterness eases, but even the comfort and love of my friends can’t relieve the feelings of leaving Rafe behind and my fear about what is happening in Tathys. I’m spiralling. I can feel it happening, but can’t seem to find the fucking brakes.

Ishouldhave fought. I should have donesomething. But I didn’t. I just… left him.

Tears burn my eyes and I let them fall, not bothering to wipe them from my cheeks. Theo wraps himself around me, and even though he’s tiny, it’s still comforting.

“Oh, is it group hug time? I just saw Edith. She's gonna be sad she missed it.” Seldon plasters himself to my back, rubbing his cheek in my hair. “Oh shit. This is a sad hug. What’s happened now?”

“No idea. Edith just brought him round the back and—” Theo explains for me, but it just makes everything worse and I fall forward out of their reach to tuck my head under my arms on the table, burrowing into the dark.

It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad I can’t fight back the stupid voices in my head telling me I’m useless. Too soft. Should have fought back. Found a way to Rafe. The accusations take over until it’s just a sharp pounding in my head.

They talk over me, all around me. Someone is patting my back.

I choke on a sob that I can’t keep back and I’m swallowed by the weight of my friends on me as they smother me in their love.

It’s horrible.

I don’t deserve it. I don’t deservethem.

With surprising strength I’m manhandled around, so my head is pulled around into a neck, covered by fuzzy white hair.

“Shhh… come on now, darling. What’s wrong?” Edith waits patiently for me to answer, rocking me from side to side ever so slightly. When I try to pull away, her bony fingers hold me tight.

I want nothing more than to keep it inside, to keep them from seeing howbig of a mess that I am. But I can’t; it’s too big—even for me—and it explodes out of my mouth in a torrent.

“I went with Rafe. To his home. To see the…thingsand they told me I have to go. I had to leave, and he wasn’t there and I didn’t say goodbye. Things arebadthere. Or, I think, possibly, they are about to be. And I have no idea when I’m ever going to see him again orifI’m going to see him again and ithurts. It feels like I’m dying to not be with him. It’s never felt this bad to leave him. But we’ve never had time like this. Never left like this. I don’t know what to do and he may be gone forever if fucking Heylor gets his way and I didn’tfight. They made me go, and I justwentand I should have fought. I should have fought for him and to stay but I was scared. I can’tdothat again. Not after Marieth. I was scared. And because I was too fucking soft and too fucking weak to fight again, I lost him and Ineedhim. And he’sgone.” I don’t know if they heard a word that I said around my choked sobs, through Edith’s hair, but there is a murmur of sympathy around me.

“Why is he gone, Seff? I don’t understand?” Great, Caelan’s here to witness my misery. It feels poetic or something stupid. There isn’t enough air under here, so I sit up, scrubbing my swollen eyes and face with a big sigh.

“I can’t explain. It’s…” I open my eyes to find Roan and Caelan giving me matching concerned frowns with their arms across their chests. Tor, sitting at the table opposite me in front of his bonded mate, has an eyebrow arched in question. Mauvy has the samemm-hmmenergy going on, her lips pursed disapprovingly.

“It’s not like that, guys. I swear. It’s big. Like,big shit. Bigger than Marieth, big. And I don’t know what I’m allowed to say. But,argh!” I scrub angrily at my face again. “It’s all beside the point anyway.” My leg bounces again and I let my body slump in on itself.

“Is he why you’re leaving the pack?” Roan asks, his tone perfectly even.

“Roan, what the fuck? Now isn’t the time!” Theo yells across the table and tugs me into him protectively, which in any other scenario would be hilarious considering the size difference.

“Yeah, it kind of is the time, Theo.” Caelan jumps to Roan’s defence. “Seff,you met this guy a week ago, while you’re still dealing with all this traumatic shit from back in the spring and now, days after another shitty and scary thing, you leave your pack, run the fuck off to Gods’ know where, and then come back like, like…this!”

He waves a hand at my general sad, pathetic state.

With my head pressed against his crown, in a really awkward angle that is killing my side, I can hear Theo muttering threats against his brother’s mate. Roan and his brother are included in the threats too, considering they are nodding along grimly with everything Caelan says.

“Actually, I met him five years ago.” Sitting up, I clear my throat and begin picking at a groove in the wood on the edge of the table. I’m not able to look at them, but I speak, with a shaking voice, my leg still bouncing. “It was just after everything with you Caelan, and I… I hated it there. I couldn’t take it. Colin was still the pack leader… I thought he was the problem. But it turns outit’s just me.I’m the problem. I never fit in with them. Not really. It all came soeasyto them. But for me, it’s always been an effort. Every fucking day. And it’sexhausting. My head never shuts up. It never stops. And sometimes it getsmean.

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