Page 50 of Whisper Woods

Guilt swirls in my guts as my finger hesitates over Dad’s number. Wolf, tired of my indecision, smashes my finger into the phone, the screen lighting extra bright as it dials through to Dad.

Maybe he won’t answer and I won’t have to do this?I pray to the Gods as I watch the phone ring.

“Seff?” I almost drop the phone when I hear Dad through the speaker. I manage to catch it in time and put it up to my ear, my mouth flapping for a moment while I struggle to get words out. “Seff? You there?” Dad asks again when I’ve been too silent.

“Uh, yeah Dad. I’m here. Sorry. It’s late.” I gulp down my nerves, leaning against the door of my car, my bouncing leg making it rock precariously.

“It is late. What’s wrong?” His voice is deep. Gruff and familiar.

He and Mum have always been there for me, even if they didn’t alwaysunderstand me. They both grew up in the toxicity of the old days of the pack and fought—still fight—to do something different. Make our pack different, better.

Dad is a genuinely good man. No matter what, he tries to do the right thing by the pack, by our family, by the crew at work. I’ve always looked up to him. He’s been my hero, my dad and eventually my pack leader.

The issue isn’t them. It’s me.

Dad, Mum, Bree… they all fit. Especially Bree. Not only is she the best tracker we’ve ever had in the pack, and a solid member of the work crew when she’s home from school, but she’s also got the brains, studying civil engineering at university. It comes easy to her.

Mum took to being the pack leader's partner like a mermaid takes to water. She’s always loved caring for the pack and now she gets to do it by her mate’s side, slowly making all the changes she’s wanted to see her whole life. It takes a strong being to dismantle the entrenched behaviours affecting the pack. But Mum is one of the strongest beings I know and she is making it happen.

Me, though? I’ve always known I’m different. They know I’m different. Something inside that makes everything harder for me than it is for everyone else to be settled within the pack, places me on the outside looking in.

It’s why I love the Black Stump. Theo, Seldon, Roan, Mauvy, Edith, Caelan—even Tor. I never felt on the outside with them. Never felt out of place. It’s why I clung to the idea of Caelan for so long after our breakup. It was the closest I ever felt like truly belonging.

My brain has a moment of sparkling clarity that allows me to find my confidence and my words.

“Dad, I’m sorry. I know this is last minute.” I hear his soft sigh, his exasperation, but it doesn’t sting as much as it usually does. “But I won’t be at work tomorrow.”

“Seff.” He’s using his Pack Leader voice, the one that always makes me feel just a little bit small. “We talked about this. You can’t just bail out on work at the last minute all the time. I warned you, if you called out again I was going to have to fire you.” His voice softens. “Please don’t make me do that, son.”

“I won't, Dad. You don’t have to fire me. Because—because I quit. It’s shit of me, I know. I’ve been jerking you around and it’s unfair.” There are muffled curses and I can hear him moving in the background. “I love the job. And you. And Mum. I love you guys so much—and I’m so grateful for you both. But… it’s never been my… place. And I need to go find where that is for me.”

“What are you talking about? Of course the pack is your place.”

“Dad, seriously.” I heave a sigh and stare up at the stars, very aware that the clock is ticking on my ability to get to Rafe, but determined to have this moment with Dad. “I never even mentioned the pack. We were talking about work.”

He tries to interject with stammering excuses, but I cut him off. “If it weren’t an issue, you never would have made the connection. I need time. Time to sort my shit out and stop messing you and the guys around.”

“You can’t just run away from your problems, Seff. You have to put in some effort. Give things a go. Commitment takes work—” I have no idea where Dad was going with his blustering ramble, because I can’t keep it in anymore.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Dad?” I explode, stepping away from my car to throw my free hand wide like he can see me. The movement makes me feel better so I pace the length beside my car. “I have done nothing but try. I’ve given it everything I have. My whole fucking life, cutting myself into pieces for the pack. For the job. For you and Mum. When is it my turn? When do I just get to just be me? When is it enough?”

Exhausted to my bone, and more than a little sick from the far too open truths I just unleashed—probably unfairly—on my dad, I lean against my truck. The metal is cool against the heat of my forehead. Wolf whimpers in the recess of my mind, offering a mental nudge of comfort.

The silence between Dad and me drags on and on. It’s a stalemate. I can’t be the first one to talk. If I do, I’ll cave. I know it.

“So you’re leaving the pack?” He sounds heartbroken. And why wouldn’t he be?

“No. Maybe? I don’t know Dad. That’s what I have to figure out. I’m uh, going away. Not sure when I’ll be back. I’m leaving my truck at the Black Stump. But I’ll be back and then we’ll talk. Okay?”

He sighs, and coughs like he’s covering up one emotion or another.

“Don’t really have a choice now, do I?” His voice is rough and I have to shove down the urge to take it all back and promise I’ll be there on site first thing in the morning. “Be safe okay?”

“I promise, Dad. Tell Mum and Bree I love them okay? And hey, at least Bree’s back from school soon. She’ll be able to help out. Oh! And make sure someone checks on Nanna.”

“Of course, Seff. I love you, too. You know that right?” The quiver in Dad’s voice almost has me wanting to snatch back all my words. Only the image of Rafe’s face in my mind’s eye keeps me holding strong.

“I know, Dad. I know.”

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