Page 88 of Undone

“Do you…” She paused, twisting a strand of her blonde hair before looking back to me. “Do you think you could maybe be my mommy? I know my Aunt Dotty can’t be my mommy and she has Uncle Trent now, but I think if I asked my daddy really nice, maybe he would be okay with it?”

I thought my heart couldn’t possibly fracture anymore, but I was wrong. The question hit me harder than any blow I could’ve imagined. It was as if the floor shifted beneath my feet, and I was no longer standing on solid ground. I wanted to say yes, to wrap her in my arms and tell her I’d be everything she needed, but the truth felt heavier than I could carry.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at her, my heart shattering. She was so innocent, so full of hope, and the thought of letting her down felt unbearable.

“Oh, sweet girl,” I said, gently cupping her cheek, my thumb brushing away another tear that slipped down through her lashes. “That’s such a big, important thing to ask.” I swallowed hard. “I would be the luckiest person in the world if I could, but being your mommy… it’s not something we can decide like that.”

My heart felt like it had been ripped from me as her face fell, her bottom lip quivering again. I quickly added, “But hey, look at me.” I tipped her chin up gently. “I’m always here for you, okay?” I paused, my own tears falling down my cheek. “If you ever want someone to talk, I’m always here for you.”

“But… I don’t want you to go away,” she said. She was just a child who didn’t understand the complexities of love or loss but felt them all the same. “I want you here. Always. Like… like when you’re around, it feels like everything’s better.”

I pressed my lips together, trying to hold back the tears, but it was impossible. They spilled over, unbidden, and I let them fall.

“I’m not going anywhere, Gracie,” I promised. “This town and the people in it”—I tapped her little button nose—“have convinced me to stay.”

She looked up at me again, her expression filled with longing, and I realized how much pain she was carrying. How much she placed on her tiny shoulders.

“Do you like my daddy, though?”

I froze. The question took me by surprise, the raw, innocent hope in her words making my chest ache even more.

I didn’t know how to answer. How could I tell her that it wasn’t that simple? There was no doubt I cared about Dorian, but I didn’t want to give her any false hope.

Instead, I squeezed her hand. “I care about your dad a lot,” I said, my voice cracking. “I don’t know what the future holds. But what I do know is that I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Her face softened, but I could see the sadness still lingering in her features. Yet, for the first time in our conversation, there was the tiniest bit of relief in her expression.

“Do you think maybe one day… you could marry my daddy?” she asked, looking down again, her shoulders slumping. “That way you could be my mommy?”

“Family isn’t just about the people who love us, Gracie. It’s not always about titles or names. It’s about showing up for each other, being there when it matters. No matter what, you’ll always have people who love you, including me.”

Gracie nodded slightly, her expression still sad but lighter now, and I hoped that meant she was beginning to accept the love that was around her.

And though I couldn’t give her the answers she wanted, the only thing I could offer her was my presence, my love. And hope that was enough.

She sniffled again, but this time it wasn’t full of the heartbreak from earlier. Her small hand reached up to pat my cheek as if trying to comfort me too. We stayed like that for a few more moments, just the two of us, until I felt her relax against me, her breathing evening out as the weight of her little world seemed to ease a bit. Finally, Gracie gave me a small, tentative smile, her eyes still red but showing a spark of something more hopeful.

I found myself thinking about what she said, about what it meant for her to feel like I could be part of her family. And as much as my heart ached at the impossibility of what she wanted, a small, undeniable part of me wished I could let go of my fears and explore the possibility of something more with Dorian. Even if we’d agreed to keep things casual, every moment with him felt anything but casual.

But for now, I simply held her, my heart full and breaking all at once, and whispered, “I’ll always be here for you, Gracie. Always.”

Just then, Dotty returned with the pizza, the aroma filling the room as she set it down on the table. Gracie’s face was a little brighter, the corners of her mouth lifting as she saw the pizza.

Her earlier tension started to melt away. She bounced back to life as Dotty placed the boxes on the table, and we eagerly dug into our dinner, laughing and sharing bites between conversations.

The evening unfolded comfortably, a mix of lighthearted chatter and quiet moments. We ate and made bracelets—Gracie beaming as she picked out the beads, her hands steady as she worked on her creation. It was the perfect sleepover in the warm space of the living room.

Walker padded over to nudge Gracie’s hand, earning a giggle as she gave him a quick pat before he flopped down at her feet.

Eventually, we settled into sleeping bags on the floor in front of the TV, the soft glow of the screen casting gentle shadows across the room. Gracie fell asleep first, clutching her stuffed bear, and soon Dotty’s quiet snores joined the mix, the comfort of the moment lulling me into sleep as well.

THIRTY

Noah - August

LAMENT - INVADABLE HARMONY

The room felt cold,though I didn’t remember turning the TV off. The blankets around me were gone. Walker wasn’t at my feet, and Dotty and Gracie were nowhere in sight.

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