Page 104 of Undone

His shoulders tensed. “It feels complicated,” he growled.

My pulse thundered in my ears as I shook my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. “Complicated?” I repeated, incredulously. “It’s complicated because youknowthis is more.”

I sighed, meeting his gaze with unflinching determination. He stepped toward me, his hands fisted at his sides.

“Itismore,” he finally admitted, harsh and clipped, but his eyes flashed with something raw, something he didn’t want to acknowledge.

“Then what’s the problem?” I shot back, louder now. “It’s complicated now, but it’s always been complicated. We just weren’t willing to admit it.”

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks, the weight of everything I’d been holding back for so long crumbling on top of me.

“Tell me if I’m alone in this, Dorian, and I’ll stop. Tell me this is one-sided, and I’ll walk away right here, right now.” My voice trembled, but I pushed forward, refusing to let him retreat.

“I can’t, Noah,” he said finally, his voice cracking. “And I can’t tell you you’re alone in thinking that this isn’t more.” He turned away from me, his shoulders slumped. “But I can’t let itbemore,” he whispered, his back to me. The rawness of his words hit me hard, the fear in them cutting deep.

“Why?”

He turned back to face me, his eyes filled with a pain so deep it stole the air from my lungs.

“God, I want to, Noah. It’d be the easiest thing in the world. When you enter a room, I feel it before I even see you. My body knows you’re there before my mind can catch up. It’s like my soul recognizes yours, like we’ve been tethered in a way I can’t even begin to understand. It’s immediate. It’sdesperate. Every inch of space between us feels like universes, and I’d tear through every last one just to find you. Even if all I could do was watch from a distance, even if it meant I couldn’t have you—could never touch you—I’d still find you.

“But that’s the thing—I did touch you. I let myself kiss you, let myself taste you, let my hands feel the warmth of your skin and the way you fit against me, like we were always meant to be there. I let myself get to know you in ways Inevershould have. I convinced myself I could keep it casual, that I could pretend this was just physical, that it didn’t mean anything more. But that was the dumbest fucking lie I’ve ever told myself, because you areanythingbut casual to me.”

“How can you feel like that and still push me away?”

“Because every person I’ve cared about has had something terrible happen.” He turned away from me, pacing. “My mom? Taken from me in a drunk driving hit-and-run—just gone in an instant. Hallie, the mother of my child? Died giving birth to Gracie. And then my sister returns to town for the first time in years, only to be kidnapped by a stalker who, by the way, killed my mom.” He faced me again. “I can’t allow this to be more because I can’t stand the thought of losingyou.”

His words stung, leaving me breathless. I swallowed hard—my throat tight as I tried to make sense of the fear that had been driving him all along. He started pacing in the small space between us again.

“And with your crazy ex out there, obsessively carving your tattoo into his damn murder victims, it feels reckless to even consider it. So, I’ve let myself believe that casual is enough because ithasto be enough. But it’s not. It’s never enough. I always want more from you, but I’m not willing to jeopardize your safety because of what I want.”

The thrum of my pulse echoed in my ears.

“Do you even realize how messed up that is? How utterly illogical you sound?” The words tumbled out faster than I could control them. “You’ve been dealt a shit hand, and people you loved have died. It’s awful and I can’t imagine the pain it has caused you. But it doesn’t mean every person you care about is going to meet the same fate.”

Dorian stopped pacing and turned to face me again.

“If you’re willing to sacrifice whatever this is”—I gestured between us—“because of your delusional viewpoint, then so be it. I’ll walk away. I’ll leave you, and I’ll leave this town if I have to.”

My hands trembled at the thought, and I bit down on my lip to keep from spiraling. I wasn’t ready to leave this town. To leave Dotty or Gracie.

But he didn’t move. Didn’t respond.

His eyes bored into mine, full of conflicted emotions. “What if I let you in and everything falls apart?” He tried to mask his words with anger, but his voice trembled at the edges.

“If you keep getting lost in the what ifs, you’ll only end up regretting all the chances you didn’t take.”

I reached out, placing my hand on his chest, feeling the rapid thump of his heartbeat beneath my fingers.

“I’m scared too. John’s still out there, taunting me, blaming me, killing because ofme.” My voice cracked. “The only things that have given me a reason to let go and finally hope for a future are you and Gracie. But don’t think I’m not waiting for the worst—for him to sweep in and hurt one of you.” I looked up into his eyes. “The possibility of it being undone is a small price to pay for something real.”

Dorian’s hand shot up, catching my wrist, his grip firm but not harsh. His eyes were dark, filled with emotion as he spoke. “If you think I’d let him anywhere near you or my daughter and wouldn’t strangle him with my bare hands, you’re wrong.”

His grip tightened slightly, the anger in him barely contained, and I relished it. I relished him giving into the emotions and finally letting it out, rather than hiding it under numbness.

I was never threatened by him, never feared he would hurt me. I knew he wouldn’t. I’d known all along.

“But you’re already running away,” I snapped, pulling my hand from his grasp. I took a step back, needing distance from him, even though every fiber of me wanted to close the gap. “You’re running away because you think it’s easier than letting yourself care.”

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