Page 77 of Unbearable

“What do you want me to say, Trent?” She moved over to the dining table and took a seat. I handed her the glass of water. Her elbows rested on the table, and she let her head fall into her hands, groaning.

“Start with the truth. What’s going on in your head right now?” I asked.

“I don’t know, Trent. I show up in town and you were either ignoring me or pretending like nothing happened between us ten years ago. Then I got sick, and you took care of me like you cared about me.” She stood up, letting out a deep breath. “You went from grumpy to ignoring me to acting like your normal happy-go-lucky self. Now you do all these nice things for me. You kissed me at the wedding, and I was convinced I’d never have another kiss likethatfor the rest of my damn life. Then today happens and blew that theory out of the waterandgave me the best fucking orgasm of my life.” Her voice was shaky as she paced the room. “And now you demand answers fromme. Well, guess what? I don’t have them.I don’t knowwhat is going on in my head right now.”

“I didn’t know how to act around you when you came into town, and it turned into an everyday battle in my head,” I admitted. My anger started to flare to life, and I tried to hide it in my words because it wasn’t Dotty’s fault that I was a fucking asshole.

“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice tentative and barely audible.

“I mean, you drive me crazy in a way no one else could ever even come close to doing. I accepted a long fucking time ago that you were the love of my life, while simultaneously being the one that got away. You got here, and I constantly battled with the need to find an excuse to see you, so I could get my temporary fix, and wanting to never lay eyes on you again, so I didn’t have to suffer another day that you weren’tmine.”

I ran my hand through my hair, and I looked at her. Her expression was unreadable, so I continued, “I knew Icould never have you, yet you’ve been the only one I’ve ever wanted. I was numb the day I left you that note. I knew that I had fucked it all up. I was nineteen and stupid. I had no idea what I was doing when I went off to enlist without so much as a goodbye.” My words came out so fast, I couldn’t comprehend what was coming out of my mouth.

“And I was willing to live with those consequences. You know—it’s manageable when you aren’t here to do that. I may have had to will you away in my head every goddamn day, but it was doable.” At some point, I had walked over to the kitchen sink. I rested both of my hands on the edge of the counter, looking out the window. I let out a breath, not wanting to turn around and see Dotty’s expression, afraid it might break me if I did.

“Then you come marching back into town, and it’s unbearable,Dotty. It’s truly fuckingunbearable. It’s unbearable to see you, to see this amazing life you’ve built for yourself, knowing thatI’mthe reason I am not a part of it now.” I turned around slowly to face her but still didn’t meet her eyes.

My heart raced even faster after my confession, the anticipation of her response making it beat wildly. When I finally glanced up, I saw that she had followed me into the kitchen. She stood completely still, giving no hint of what was going on in her head.

“I… I don’t understand,” she whispered.

“Let me make it clear then.” I closed the distance between us—my chest became almost flush with her face. “I’ve been in love with you for my entire life. You coming back to Woodstone has been my undoing. Watching you go on a date with Henry, someone who I genuinely think is a stand-up guy, made me want to rip my fucking hairout. He doesn’t deserve you. Hell, I don’t know if I do either.”

Dotty placed her hand on my chest, looking up at me through tear-filled eyes. “You love me?” Her voice was soft, almost melodic.

I reached out to touch her cheek but stopped myself. I closed my eyes and let out a breath. “I always have. Never stopped.” Her blue eyes blazed into me with an intensity I had rarely seen from her.

Within a heartbeat, her demeanor changed from stillness to pure anger. She took a step back and pointed at me. “But you left. You leftme. You left Woodstone.” The first of her tears fell, my heart with it. “We spent years tiptoeing around the fact we liked each other, and then I decide one night,fuck it, Dotty. You never do shit for yourself. Just make the first fucking move.And not only did you kiss me back, but you pretended everything wasfine, Trent.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Then I woke up to a fucking letter saying you’d left. Not only left. You’d enlisted foreight years. How can you possibly say you’ve always loved me?You left me.”

I tried to keep my voice steady. “You’re right. I did run. I left, and for that, I am sorry. I know it’s not an excuse, but I was a terrified kid. I was drowning in grief. Dorian left, my dad died, you were getting ready to move to Seattle, and nothing was the same. I had no direction, no idea what to do with my life. I did leave, but don’t think I don’t wish I had handled the whole situation differently…” I stepped forward again and reached for her chin, lifting it so she’d meet my eyes. “Because it cost me you.”

Tears streamed down her face. I wiped them away, cupping her cheek.

I continued, “You know why I never made a move?Because I convinced myself I didn’t deserve you. If I wasn’t enough for my mom to stick around, how could I be enough for you? So when you finally kissed me the night before I was leaving for boot camp, I didn’t tell you a damn thing. If I couldn’t have you forever, I wanted any pieces you were willing to give me, even if it was only one night.”

“For someone so smart, you are pretty fucking stupid sometimes.”

“There’s no denying that. When I left, I tried to convince myself it wasn’t a big deal to skip town without telling anyone. I told myself no one gave a shit about me. By the time I realized I was fucking stupid, I was too scared to call you and apologize. Dorian warned me not to call because you were hurt. He said you needed space, and I wanted to do right by you and respect that,” I said.

“I was heartbroken, Trent. I left and never came back because I was too scared to even come back here. This town only represented pain to me back then. My mom died here. You left me here. I had no friends here. Nothing good came out of this place for such a long time, so I decided it was easier to stay away.” Her tears continued to fall, but her voice held only anger. “You don’t want me anyway. You deserve more than me, a fucked-up girl with attachment issues that will never be willing to settle down. I will never be a stay-at-home wife that will help you run the ranch. That isn’t me.”

“Is that what you think I want?” I asked.

“It’s what you need, Trent. Not me. That will never be me,” she said. Reaching up, I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then rested my forehead on hers.

“Have you ever asked me what I want? Not whatyouwant for me?” She didn’t reply, so I continued, “Dotty, I’msorry for everything I did. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry I handled it the way I did. That I didn’t tell you I was enlisting. That I left, not even having the balls to face you but left you a fucking letter. I hate myself for that. But I am not sorry I love you. That I am so fucking in love with you that I’ve been half of a man for the last decade away from you. I don’t want anyone but you.”

All at once, her lips were on mine. It took me a second to register what was happening before my hand cupped the back of her head, pushing her into my mouth further.

After a moment, I pulled back. “What are you doing?”

“Kissing you, cowboy. Shut up.”

TWENTY-SEVEN

Dotty

LAST NIGHT - MORGAN WALLEN

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