Page 59 of Unbearable

I was broken. Without ambition, without a desire to build anything for myself. Because why would I want to do anything with my life when I had only felt like a burden, and my only damn blood that cared about me died? It was a slow, painful death that I had to be the person to step up and watch every damn day as it slowly took over.

Each day leading to my father’s death had been a slow march toward the inevitable, and I was ill-prepared to face it.

While I owed everything to the James family, I knew I needed more than spending my entire life working on the ranch. I needed to grow up, to figure myself out, if I ever hoped to have a chance with the girl of my dreams.

Reluctantly, I pulled back. “This is complicated, Dotty.”

“It’s only complicated if you make it complicated,” she replied, her voice tinged with hurt. “Just... let me have tonight. Let me pretend I’m spontaneous like you, capable of doing crazy things like kissing my best friend. Just for tonight. Tomorrow, we go back to normal.”

I ran my hand down my face and through my hair in frustration. “One night,” I agreed reluctantly.

The rest of the evening unfolded as if it were our last together, though only I knew that it truly was.

A few hours later, my alarm jolted me awake, and I was grateful it didn’t wake Dotty. I only had an hour before I had to be at the bus station, and waking her up to explain that I was leaving for the army felt too cruel after last night.

Since signing on the dotted line, I had waited for the right moment to tell her but chickened out every time I had the chance. I hadn’t even told Dorian or David.

Pulling out a piece of paper and a pen from her truck, I wrote her a note, explaining that I was leaving, hoping it wouldn’t backfire.

Sunshine,

I didn’t know how to tell you this, so I didn’t, and I will probably hate myself forever because of that.

By the time you read this, I’ll likely be on a bus headed across the country to join the army. I’ve signed for eight years. I wish I could explain what led me to this decision, but honestly, I’m not entirely sure myself. Something inside me shifted after my dad passed away. Dealing with his loss has weighed on me more than I’ve let on, and I can’t stay in this town right now.

You and Dorian are off, getting ready to fulfill your dreams, and I’m just here. I need something. Something for me. I’m not sure if the army is the answer to everything, but it seems like a start.

I hope you understand, but just know, if you don’t, I get it. I’d be pissed at me too.

You deserve the world, and I know you will accomplish everything you want to and more.

If you choose to never talk to me again, I won’t blame you.

I think it’s time for you to go chase your dreams in Seattle, and it’s time for me to figure out what my dreams are.

Love,

Trenton

Leaving the note next to her, I kissed her forehead and walked over to my truck, where Henry and Chris approached me.

“You’re up early. Is today the day?” Henry asked.

While Henry and I were pretty good friends, I hadn’t intended to tell anyone, especially since no one else knew. But Henry had spotted me walking out of the army recruiting office one day, so I confided in him that I was enlisting but asked him to keep it quiet.

“Yeah, I leave in an hour,” I sighed.

He nodded toward Dotty. “Does she know?”

“She will when she wakes up.” I didn’t even have the balls to tell her to her face, so the least I could do was admit that to Henry.

“It’s probably best that way,” Chris said, in an effort to comfort me.

“She’s special, that one,” Henry said.

Chris nodded. I glanced back at her and smiled. My heart ached leaving her. I nodded toward both of them.

“Good luck, man. I’ll keep you in my thoughts,” Henry said, patting me on the shoulder.

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