Page 71 of Ruckus

“I need a new start,” she tells me softly.

“What? Freya, I was givin’ ya one. We just had a fight, it was nothin’.” I try as hard as I can not to draw attention to us, but it’s damn near impossible.

“Well, it was something to me. I don’t wanna be back here, Ruckus. I never did. I only came with you that night because you would have killed Drew if I didn’t.”

“So, you're going to Arizona with him?” I look over at Cam again. Sure, I get what the appeal is, he’s always been one of the good guys, but she can’t feel about him the way she does me. What we have has been there since the day we first met, it’s driven us crazy because we're powerless to it. She can’t have that with him.

“I’ve always liked Cam, he’s a good person and I know he can take care of me.” She sounds as if she’s trying to convince herself more than she is me.

“Freya,Ican take care of you.” I lower my voice into a growl and grip her arm.

“Don’t.” She shakes her head, looking as if she’s gonna cry. “Just let me go.”

“Hell am I gonna let you fuckin’ go, Freya, I’m in love with you,” I say the words so quietly even I can barely hear ‘em.

“I don’t love you, Ruckus, I tried to. But I don’t want it enough.”

Her words knock everything outta me at once and suddenly I feel empty.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t hurt Aaron, or stay here for something that's not real.” I hear what she’s saying and feel like I’m drowning in it.

“You think you leavin’ isn’t gonna hurt Aaron? He just got you back.” I clutch at anything I can to make her see sense.

“We just spoke to him, and he’s fine with it. Figures I’m much safer in Arizona, anyway.” She smiles. She fuckin’ smiles at me and I swear I could grab her up and crush her in my hands.

“Please… don’t do this.” I hear myself begging her. “Or at least just stay a few more days to think about this. If you stillwanna go, I’ll drive ya to Arizona myself.” I don’t even sound like myself anymore, I sound like a desperate man.

“You're not gonna change my mind, Ruckus. I… I wanna be with Cam.”

Her words shatter me, and all I can do is nod as I feel the shards cut through my skin.

“Don’t let me stand in your way.” I move to the side and stare at the wall as she walks past me and steps back over to the bar to be with Cam and her brother.

“There ya are.” Wrath finds me half an hour later, and when sits himself on the table bench beside me I wanna punch him for allowing this to happen.

“Why are you letting her go, Wrath?” I ask, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice.

“Because it’s what's best for her. She always had a thing for Cam, and you saw the way he used to run around after her. I don’t want to lose another sister, and I know he’ll take care of her.”

“Iwas taking care of her.” I remind him, clenching my fists.

“Why the fuck are you actin’ so cut up about this Ruck? You never liked her, she was always pissin’ you off, and now you don’t have to look out for her anymore. She’s someone else's problem.” I hate hearing him talk about her like that, and I hate what he’s saying. I don’t want Freya to be someone else's problem. She’smyfuckin’ problem.

“Even if I didn't want her to leave, I could never make her stay. It’s selfish.” He grips his hands together between his knees. “Arizona ain’t that far away, me and Eden can keep in touchand she’ll be happy there.” Wrath sounds tired and defeated, it explains why he’s making such stupid decisions.

“You really think this is what she wants?” I check, because she sure didn’t look happy to me.

“It’s what she says she wants, and after all we’ve lost, I ain’t ever gonna stand in the way of her being happy.”

“Wrath, you're gonna be okay. Time heals and I know it won’t bring Willow back bu–”

“Guys, Cam and the boys are leaving, are you gonna come say goodbye to Freya?” Eden interrupts us, and Wrath nods back at her as he gets back up.

“You comin’?” He looks at me, almost as if he can sense how much I’m hurting. I should stay here, I don’t need to see her leave with him, I’m feeling enough pain as it is, but I stand up and follow him, because I ain’t gonna let her leave here without looking her in the eye and making sure she knows that for me, everything was fuckin’ real.

When we get to the parking lot and I see her on the back of his bike it takes every scrap of self control I have not to rip her right off it. Maybe I got it wrong, maybe she really does hate me and all this was one big game.

Wrath and Eden both hug her goodbye, while I hang back and watch, waiting for her eyes to make contact with mine. Cam starts his engine, looking so fuckin’ proud to have his pretty old lady on his saddle as he twists his neck to kiss her, and when he’s done her eyes come straight to me. I ain’t prepared for how bad it hurts to look inside ‘em and when she mouths the word,sorry,at me I watch those eyes fill with tears as the president of Arizona rides out of here with my girl.

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