Page 57 of Ruckus

“Sure.” He flicks his smoke into the pool pit and gets up on his feet, and I can tell, just from the way he walks, that it’s Saint and not Sinner.

I follow him through the arch toward one of the cages, surprised that he’s not questioning me, or making me feel bad for interrupting him.

“Your brother know you're goin’ off the compound?” he checks before starting the engine.

“Wrath put Ruckus in charge of me, Ruckus is at the gym,” I point out. Of course, I don’t know that for sure. Ruckus could be anywhere, but I figure eventually he’ll come home, and when he does I’ll be waiting for him.

“Makes sense.” Saint fires up the cage and when Tawk opens the gate to let us out he makes no eye contact.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” I ask, feeling sorry for the guy. His love for my little sister is what caused him to make hismistake today. I understand a little about regret, and although I don’t know Tawk at all, I will make sure he knows I’m here for him if he needs me.

“Tawk’s in a dark place.” Saint shrugs as he continues to drive toward the gym. “Has been since your father took your sister.”

“How about you? Will you be okay?” I can’t recall ever really speaking to Saint, or Sinner, before I left. I never bothered taking the time to get to know them because, in all honesty, I didn’t think they would last.

“I don’t know what I am, right now,” Saint admits. “I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this but I kinda wish Sinner would take over.” He focuses on the road and frowns.

“What happens to you when he’s here, where do you go?” The question just comes out, and I smile awkwardly when he looks across at me.

“I wish I could tell ya, it’s like I blink and days pass by. Everything’s different, the way people look at me, the mess he’s left behind. Do you know how many women have slapped my face while I’m walking down the street? Women I ain’t even seen before.” He laughs to himself

“That must be tough.” I think about how hard it must be to live like that, how could he ever have a normal relationship with someone?

“Ya get used to it.” Saint shrugs but something tells me he’s lying.

“Do you think Sinner would come, if he knew you needed him?” I ask as he pulls up in front of the gym.

“We don’t work as a team, Freya. It’s him or it’s me, and right now I’m the one who’s gonna have to deal.” He looks at me sadly.

“Thanks for the ride.” I notice Ruckus' bike is here and hope that means he is too. “I just got one more question.” It’s one I’vebeen desperate to ask someone since I’ve been back, I’ve just been too scared of the answer.

“Figured.” He rolls his eyes.

“When I left, there was a member called Chop. He came from the Colorado charter, but he and my dad were close. I’m told all Dad’s associates were dead, does that include him?” I feel my heart beating fast while I wait for his answer

“Chop’s dead,” Saint confirms. “He really screwed the club over, did some unimaginable things. Colorado made sure he suffered for ‘em.”

“What kinds of things?” I don’t know why I’m letting myself get drawn into this. I got the answer I wanted, and knowing that he won’t be a threat is making me believe there's a chance I could stick around.

“That's the Colorado charter’s story to tell. I don’t even think we know the half of what that asshole did.” Saint looks a little unnerved as I let myself out.

“Thanks again for the ride.” I smile at him gratefully.

“Anytime, you take it easy, Freya.” He watches me through the door before he pulls away, and I head straight past the reception desk, up the stairs to Ruckus’s door.

I knock a few times and when I don’t get an answer I sit on the top step and decide I’ll wait however long it takes for him to come back. It’s not like I can call Saint back and ask him to take me back to the club, I haven’t got a cell phone, and even if I could I wouldn’t want to. I came here to see Ruckus. To see if he left, the way he did, because he was jealous, and if it was, put him straight. I saw how sad he was today when we found out Saul was dead, and I’d really like to be the person who comforts him.

Sitting alone gives me a chance to be reflective. I’ve let worrying about Josh and his plans for the future distract me from thinking about my own. Every time I try and come up with a solution, I get so overwhelmed and I don’t want to admit it, butthe club is starting to feel more and more like a home. I watched the way everyone comforted each other after the tragedy today and it made me feel like part of something. Maybe I do belong back here, especially now I know Chop is dead. Maybe, all I need to do now is forgive myself.

I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and when I see Ruckus climbing them, wearing just his grey sweatpants, I stand up and wobble a little. There’s a glisten of sweat on the top half of his body, and I want to run my hands over the tattoos that cover every inch of his skin.

“Whatcha doin’ here?” He squeezes past me and lets himself in through the door, leaving it open.

“I…” I seem to forget how to use my tongue as I stare at his physique. “I came to see you and to explain why Jo–”

“You don’t owe me an explanation.” He shakes his head.

“Maybe I don’t, but I wanna give you one.” I follow him inside

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