Page 56 of Ruckus

I don’t want to admit it, but I could do with a little of that comfort myself right now. I let my need for it drag me out of this room full of sorrow, crossing the yard and climbing the stairs to her room. What I’m about to ask of Freya crosses the boundaries of our arrangement, it shows her that I’m weak, though I’m pretty sure that she already knows that I’m weak when it comes to her.

I open the door and when I see her standing between stunt guy's legs, dabbing the cuts on his face, I roll my tongue in my cheek and shake my head.

“Ruckus!” She calls my name and chases after me, when I leave them to it. and I make it all the way to the stairs before she manages to catch up.

“Are you okay?” She drops her hand into mine and I quickly snatch it away.

“I will be.” I leave her standing in confusion and head for my bike, getting the fuck outta here before someone else fuckin’ dies today.

“What was all that about?” Josh has a curious look on his face when I return to my room.

“He’s just my brother's best friend, he was just checking in on me.” I hate lying to Josh, but it’s vital that me and Ruckus remain a secret. Today has proven what happens when secrets come out before they should.

“Justyour brother's friend?” Josh raises his eyebrow at me. “He looked pretty cut up seeing you playing nurse to me.”

I forgot that I can’t hide shit from him.

“Josh, my brother is on the edge, right now. Ready to kill just about anyone. I don’t want the victim of that to be his best friend. What myself and Ruckus have is… it’s just fun, life's been so serious for so long and…”

“You don’t have to explain to me, I was there. I saw what you went through. You deserve to be having fun.” He smiles, then hisses when I dab more alcohol into the cut on his eyebrow.

“The guy who died today, did ya know him well?” Josh changes the subject.

“I knew him a little and I’ve gotten close to his sister since I came back.”

I wish everything could have turned out different for Saul. Between all her sobbing, Alicia managed to explain that he wason his way back here to speak to Raze. He was planning to bring Lettie and his little boy here. I wonder if she knows what happened to him?

“She’s the pregnant one whose baby’s father’s also dead, right?” Josh tries to keep up.

“Yeah, that’s the one. Guess it’s crazier here than it is at the circus.” I laugh sadly as I throw the cotton balls into the bowl and take a seat on the bed beside him.

“Don’t go letting Drew hear you call it the circus, he’ll…” Josh stops himself before he can finish, and the smile fades from his lips.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, mad at himself.

“Hey, what are you sorry for? We both suffered his anger. I’d like to know who he’s taking all his aggression out on now that we’re gone.” I try my best to keep things light. Josh must be scared, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He’s been traveling with the show since he was twelve years old. Now he’s got to find a new purpose.

“So, what are your plans?” I try my best to sound positive. What he needs is some encouragement.

“No idea. You know of anyone hiring a stunt biker?” He nudges me playfully.

“You’ll find work, Josh, you're an amazing mechanic. I don’t know what the show’s gonna do without you.”

“They’ll manage, Drew always falls on his feet. Which is why you need to protect yourself.” Josh has a serious look on his face, one that gives me chills. “I’ll spend one more night here, then I’ll be on my way.” He gets up and pulls on his jacket.

“Why don’t you stay?” I blurt out before he can leave. I hate the thought of him being alone and if Drew’s a risk to me, he could be a risk to Josh too. “I’m sure the club could make use of a decent mechanic, and it would be good to have you close.” Josh has been the closest thing I’ve had to family for years, we’ve bothsuffered under Drew's control, and I can actually see him fitting in around here.

“Speak to Raze in the morning. Tell him what you can do.” I pick up my purse and start heading toward the door myself.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Josh laughs at me.

“I got someone I need to speak to,” I tell him, heading onto the balcony to find someone who can help me.

“And would that someone happen to bejustyour brother's best friend?” He smirks at me as I race down the stairs.

I see Saint or Sinner sitting by the pool pit, smoking a cigarette and looking deep in thought.

“Saint.” I pray that it’s him instead of the alternative, especially since Ruckus made it clear he didn’t like me getting a lift with Sinner. “I’m sorry to ask, and I know it’s been a tough day, but could you give me a ride to the gym? I really need to speak to Ruckus.” I figure that’s where he went when he stormed out of here.

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