Page 51 of Ruckus

Raze narrows his eyes when Tawk takes off his cut and lays it on the table in front of him, and when I look across to Wrath I see him shake his head in disappointment.

“I did something I’m ashamed of today,” Tawk starts, keeping his head low and staring at his cut. “I went against the rules that were set by Jimmer Carson when he founded this club. I went against his morals, your morals and my own.” I can see the anger building in him, and wonder what the hell it is he’s done. “I’ve been struggling, and instead of turning to my brothers for help, I let evil sew a seed inside me. I…” He chokes like he’s about to throw up and refuses to look any of us head-on. “I took a gun and I went to Ronnie Wilkins' daughter's house,” he admits, and when I hear a chair scrape against the wooden floor, I act on impulse and grab hold of Saul before he can charge at him. I know how much he cares about his sister, he doesn’t want a war, but we can’t turn on each other.

“Go on.” Raze sees I got him under control and nods his head for Tawk to continue.

“I had every intention of shooting her.” Saul surprises me with the strength he puts into his struggle to get to him, and when Vike steps up to help me, he seems equally as stunned by his best friend's reaction. “I wanted to make Ronnie feel how I felt. I wanted blood for blood,” Tawk admits, with broken, red-rimmed eyes. “Then I saw she had a kid and I couldn’t do it.”

The entire room seems to breathe at the same time. Killing women ain’t what we’re about, it’s rule one-o-fuckin’-one that women and kids are left outta shit.

“I turned the gun on myself.” He shocks everyone when he continues. “I realized at that moment that I was too far gone. I felt alone and scared of what I’d become and then she saved me.” Tawk shakes his head, looking confused despite being the one telling us the story.

“Whosaved you?” Saul has given up fighting to get to him, but I can still feel his heart beating furiously in his chest.

“The girl I went there to kill. Ronnie’s daughter. She must have seen me with the gun to my head and suddenly she was there at the car window, begging me not to do it.She saved me,” he repeats as he sinks into his chair. Saul catches me off guard, shoving me away and storming out the door, and when I look to Raze, he shakes his head for me to let him go.

“What the fuck has gotten into him?” Dev asks, reaching forward to put out his smoke.

“He’s thinking about how bad shit could have been if Tawk had pulled that trigger on the girl,” Vike speaks up for his friend. “Alicia’s pregnant, he’s already worried sick about her, without having to think her life could be in danger.” Vike looks unimpressed as he glances sideways at Tawk.

“There's no denyin’ it was stupid.” Raze’s eyes are fixed on Tawk who’s staring at the table looking empty. “But no harm was done, you didn’t pull the trigger, you came home. ” There's a sound of relief in our president's voice. “Put your fuckin’ cut back on.” Raze slams the gavel and gets outta his seat, storming from the room. He’s mad as hell, but holding back, and as everyone slowly starts to filter out, shocked by what they just heard, Tawk remains seated, staring at that same spot at the table.

“I’m gonna make this right,” he says, just before I follow after them all.

“I believe you,” I tell him before leaving him alone with his conscience.

“Where’s Saul gone?” I ask the girls when I get back to the table.

“He marched out the door looking real mad.” Alicia bites her lip like she’s worried. “What happened in there?”

I shake my head because it ain’t my business to tell, but why it sparked such a reaction outta Saul has me curious. I get that he’s worried about Alicia, I get it, because Freya was the first thought that went through my head when I considered what might have happened if Tawk had seen through what he intended.

Fighting fire with fire ain’t always the solution, and this situation right here, is exactly the reason why men like us shouldn’t fall in love.

You can’t hurt a man, if he’s got nothing for you to take from him.

My eyes automatically move to Freya and they stay there, until Raze pulls me away to the corner.

“Tawk needs to speak to someone. I’m thinking that the doctor Grimm pays to speak to Anita, could help. Maybe she can offer some grief counselin’,” he suggests.

“Sounds like he needs it… but we gotta be careful what he says, them shrinks got a way of gettin’ shit outta people. We don’t want him incriminating the club,” I point out.

“You think shit don’t come out of Anita’s mouth?” Raze raises his eyebrow at me. “There's a reason Grimm chose that doctor, she’s paid for her silence and Quinn suggested her. I’ll fix it,” he assures me.

“Ain’t this the kinda thing you’d usually talk to Wrath about?” I question him.

“Wrath is dealing with his own shit, he’s too angry to think of anything but retaliation. And he’s right, he deserves justice for Willow, so does Tawk. I don’t know, maybe I’m lettin’ my own feelin’s cloud my decisions. I thought because he has Eden,he’d be with me on this,” Raze sighs defeatedly. “Wheredoyou stand? You got no female, no one to protect. If it were up to you, how would you move?” he asks, and once again my eyes find Freya.

“I’d hold back,” I admit. “Willow’s gone, there's nothing we can do to protect her now, but Peyton, Eden, Freya, and Alicia? It’s up to us to keep them safe.” I feel like I’m betraying my best friend all over again, but the Reapers are savages. They’ve proven that they don’t have rules about killing women. They use ‘em to get ya where it really hurts.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page. Now we just have to convince him.” Raze tips his chin over to where Wrath is. He’s got Eden with him now, and I can see that she’s worried about him too.

“We’ll figure it out, Raze.” I tap my president on the shoulder before I make my way over to join ‘em. Today’s not the day for convincing anyone, but I can sure offer my best friend the kinda distraction I know he’ll be needing, even if it means getting the shit beat outta me.

“Lettie, open up, it’s me.” I bang my fist hard against her door and look over my shoulder. I shouldn’t be here, it’s dangerous, not to mention stupid, especially since we found out that the Reapers are moving in on San Diego, but after what I just heard, I need to see her and I need to hold her close.

“Saul?” Lettie opens the door and I breathe a sigh of relief.

“Jesus Christ.” I kiss her as I force her inside, and once she’s over the shock of me being here she kisses me right back.

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