Page 26 of Ruckus

“So how’s your day been?” She looks between us once she’s got it poured.

“Since when did this become your after work hangout?” Raze asks her, still looking shocked himself.

“Well, I spend most of my life around dead people and no matter how often I talk to them, I still get nothing back. I know a few people here, I’d even go as far to say that I like some of you.” Her eyes glance to the pool table where Sasquatch is playing with Vike.

“Well it’s good to see ya kicking back.” Raze raises his glass before drinking from it and Quinn smiles as she sips her rum and coke.

I try hard not to look over toward the girls, but it’s instinctive and each time I look and see Freya, smiling or laughing at something one of them says, there’s a warm, comforting feeling in my chest. I order one drink after another, knocking ‘em back. I smoke cigarette after cigarette to try and focus on something other than her. In the end, the distance between us only gets more frustrating and I quickly head out to the balcony to get some air.

I rest my elbows over the railings, focusing on the moon and how it reflects against the water while I breathe myself calm and tell myself how pathetic I’m being.

“Hey.” Her voice comes from behind me. Soft, sweet, and lacking its usual sass. I grip the wooden rail as I feel her get closer. “How’s your day been?” She stands beside me and takesin the same view as me, breathing in the air and smiling to herself. There’s a slight breeze coming off the ocean that moves through her hair, and she looks so fuckin’ perfect in this light that I wanna rip my heart outta my chest and toss it out to sea.

“You know, I missed this,” she tells me when it becomes clear that I’m not gonna answer her question. “I’ve been all over the country, but there's no place like here.”

I turn my head away from her when I feel actual, physical pain. I want to reach out my hand and touch her skin, kiss her the way I did in front of all those people last night.

“I went back today,” she confesses, and I quickly turn my head so our eyes meet. She knows what she just said would have pissed me off and she wants to see my reaction. Luckily I manage to get a handle on it, I just feel a few splinters in my palm as a consequence.

“Why?” My voice comes out croaky.

“I had to prove to myself that I wasn’t scared of him.” She laughs at herself. “He wasn’t there, he’s laid up in hospital. Turns out you put him outta action for a good few weeks.”

“I’d have put him out of action for life if you’d have?—”

“I also wanted to get this.” She reaches into the back pocket of her jeans and pulls out my father’s coin, holding it out in front of me.

“You kept it.” I take it from her and look it over. It’s pointless denying that it’s mine, or that I was there watching her two years ago.

“I guess I always hoped that I’d see you again so I could return it,” she tells me, and when the breeze whips around the clubhouse and blows some of her soft blonde hair over her face, my hand moves up so I can brush it away.

“You know, every night after I found this, I’d look out for you in the audience. Maybe I was waiting for you to be there and do what you did last night,” she confesses.

“Beat the shit outta your boyfriend, or kiss ya?” I manage a tiny smirk that makes her laugh, and it sounds so fuckin’ pretty that I have to grip the fuckin’ rail again.

“I was waiting to be saved, I realized that when I went back there today.” She lowers her head. I’m beyond mad about the fact she did, but we’ll get to that.

“You know if I’da known what was happening… I’da… I thought you were happy.” There’s no way of dealing with the frustration I feel for that.

“I should have left the first time he turned on me.” She breathes in more of the salty sea air and closes her eyes.

“So why didn’t you, Freya? Why did you even leave here in the first place? This was your home. What happened between us shouldn’t have…”

“Do you think things would have been the same between us?” she interrupts. “Because if you do, you're delusional. You broke a club rule, you betrayed your friend, and it was my fault. One of us had to leave and it was my time.” Her eyes flash open and she suddenly looks mad at me.

“I can’t have that. I can’t have the fact you left with that jerk and endured what you did on my conscience. I can’t be the reason you left, Freya.” I feel desperation clawing inside me, especially with the evidence of what she’s been through right in front of me. How could that bastard have hurt her the way he did? Why would he want to ruin somethin’ so fuckin’ perfect instead of protect it?

“You're not the only reason, Ruckus.” Her laugh is so irritating I swear I could rip this rail right fuckin’ off. “You were many of them.”

“Then why? Why did you leave? Why are you so determined to move on from here when you can see for yourself how much things have changed? You have people who care about you here,what have you got out there?” I grip her hand in mine when I sense that she’s going to run from me again.

“I can’t tell you. Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to.” She tries tugging her hand away.

“Freya, you're not making any sense. Did someone here hurt you?” I’ve gone over so many scenarios in my head today, and I need answers.

“Drop it, Ruckus.” She shakes her head and tries hard to hold back her tears. It only makes me more determined to get the truth.

“I don’t want to fuckin’ drop it. I wanna know why you can’t stay here.”

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