Page 23 of Ruckus

“He was the one who came to get you because he knows you belong here too. He knows Aaron needs you.”

“Well, Aaron wasn’t around when I needed him. He left and he didn’t look back. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t do the same?” I question her, fully aware of what a bitch I’m being, but I can’t allow myself to get close to these people, it’s not safe for me to stay, even if I wanted to.

“Leaving here is your brother's biggest ever regret, and he’s doing everything he can to fix things. This is a fresh start for him, and for me… We’d both like you to be part of it.”

“You're good for him,” I tell her. “I’m glad you found each other again.”

“Me too, and I really hope we can be friends while you're here. We never really hung out before and I’d like to get to know my sister in law better.” Her smile is so warm and genuine, I can see why my brother is so in love with her.

“I’d really like that too,” I tell her weakly.

Eden gives me a long, tight hug before she heads for the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Being back here makes it hard for me to forget all the wrongs I did, wrongs that I will never be able to undo. I lie back on the bed and close my eyes, trying to find some clarity, but there's nothing but guilt and regret. So many people have been affected by the actions of my past, how am I supposed to ignore that and act normal? When thinking becomes too painful, I get up and head to the balcony to get some air. One of the girls I met in the clubhouse earlier is sitting alone on the bottom of the stairs, Alicia, I think her name is, and I decide that since misery loves company I should join her.

“You okay?” I take a seat on the step beside her.

“I’m fine.” She smiles, looking at the sonogram picture in her hand with tears in her eyes.

“Congratulations.” I tilt my head to look at it from a different angle

“Thanks.” She puts it back in her purse and closes it up.

“So I’m assuming the father is one of them.” I lean back against the rails, hoping that this girl is open to talk. I’m done with thinking about my own problems today, and it’s not even lunchtime yet.

“He was, Griller died right after this little one was conceived.” Her hand slides over her tummy.

“Jeez, I’m sorry.” I study the girl a little harder, wondering how the hell Griller managed to hook himself up with someone so… nice.

“I don’t need sympathy. Saul’s gonna take care of us.” She wipes her tears and tries to give me a convincing smile.

“Saul’s your brother, right?” I have to check because I’ve met a lot of people in a very short space of time.

“Yeah, and he’s been great.”

“But…” I let her know I ain’t buying it.

“There are no buts. Everyone around here's been awesome. We’re both really lucky.” Now, I’m not sure if it’s me she’s trying to convince or herself.

“But you don’t want any of those people, you want him, right?” If she’s not gonna come out and say it, I’ll have to do it for her.

“Oh, hell no! Me and Griller weren’t—it was just a one-time thing. A moment of madness.” She laughs to herself

“That figures.” It all starts to make better sense.

“Oh… and I’m not a—” She glances around us before lowering her voice. “I’m not like the other girls that hang out here. Griller was my first?—”

“You really don’t have to explain yourself to me.” I take her hand. “I was actually wondering how Griller managed to convince a girl like you to sleep with him.” I laugh, and I’m relieved when she does too. I really should think before I speak.

“I guess none of that matters now. I’m having his baby, and I have to do the right thing. I just have no idea how to do it.” She closes her eyes and sighs.

“Okay, back up. Explain what all this is about.” I’m sure she’d be better off speaking to Eden or the prez’s old lady about this. I was never very good at reading between the lines and I certainly never had manygirlfriends growing up. Everyone was too scared to hang out with me because of who my daddy was.

“I had an appointment earlier today, that's where I got the picture,” she starts to explain.

“And is everything okay?” I check, realizing that this isn’t just a distraction anymore. I’m invested.

“Everything’s great. I’m having a perfect, healthy little baby.” She smiles and shrugs at the same time.

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