Page 11 of Ruckus

“Stay the fuck outta my business. Ya hear?” Grabbing the back of his shirt, he drags him to the door and tosses him out, then, as he marches back to me, I flinch. It’s been a long time since he struck me, but it's also been a long time since I had the courage to stand up to him. He surprises me when he touches me softly, but the way he takes a strand of my hair and twists it around his finger still makes me shudder.

“Why don't you have Magna do that pretty thing I like with your hair tonight?” he whispers, placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

“Sure.” I nod, waiting for him to release me before I squeeze past him and scurry out the door.

“Should you be riding? You could have a concussion,” I check with Josh as we stand backstage and wait for our act to start.

“It’s not me riding that we should be questioning.” He glances over at his brother, who’s fooling around with the others.

“Go join them, you’ll get into trouble again.” I smile at him, feeling terrible that the split lip and bruise around his eyes were caused by me and my big mouth.

Josh nods back at me as he heads over, and I shake out my hands and try to remain calm. I get nervous before each show. Considering what my role is, I guess it wouldn’t be normal if I didn’t. But since the show got mentioned in some famous vloggers’ Instagram account six months ago, the pressure has really been on. The tent is always full, and Drew must be feeling overwhelmed with that pressure to give them all a good show. He’s the headline act after all.

“See you out there, baby.” He walks his bike past me toward the curtain and kisses me before pulling his helmet down from where he’s balanced it on top of his head.

I watch through the crack in the huge red curtain as he and the other guys do the first part of our act. Everything seems to be going to plan. Drew’s in full control but that doesn't ease my concerns. It hasn’t gone unnoticed to me that I’m only three hours from home, it would be easy to run through the gap behind me, steal one of the trucks and drive myself home. Dad would be mad, but I know he’d never turn me away. It’s been three years since I left, a lot could have changed. Maybe he wouldn’t have the same expectations of me, maybe Aaron has come home. I often wonder if Ruckus is still there. He neveradmitted it to me, but I know how much he hates my dad, I never understood why he stuck around after Aaron left. I have no doubt that things would be awkward, but I’d really like to see him again. I’m curious to know if he’d still have that disdain for me, despite what happened the night before I left.

I may be surrounded by people here, but it can get really lonely and my mind always seems to wander back to him.

Ruckus has hated me since he came to the club all damaged and broken when he was fifteen. I’d never admit this to him, but I liked him from the start. I still don’t know where he came from or what was wrong with him. As far as I know, nobody ever did, not even Aaron. But it didn’t stop me wanting to fix him.

Ruckus made it very clear from the start that he wasn’t going to be anyone’s fixing project.

Despite his hate and the way he used to scowl at me, I still cling on to the memory of the night we spent together. I always smile when I think of how he tried so hard to be gentle with me, even though it wasn’t in his nature. I remember how it felt to have his full attention without having to act up or be a bitch to him. How much it hurt to have him inside me, but how I liked it at the same time. Then I have to remember how I kissed him goodbye, being careful not to wake him. I don’t know why but I had some crazy delusion that he might have tried to convince me to stay if I had.

“Freya, you're on.” I get a hard nudge from Byron and quickly place on my smile as I prepare to face the crowd.

My adrenaline is pumping as I run toward the sphere, keeping my head held high and waving to the audience. Nobody came here tonight to see fear, they came here to see danger, they want to be shocked and enthralled.

I step into position, hearing Drew’s bike rev loud behind me before he makes his way in and the steel door scrapes shut.

“We got this, babe,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss me, and when I smell the alcohol on his breath it puts another lump in my throat.

I close my eyes and try to find some calm as he starts to circle me. I ask myself what would happen if I died here tonight, if any of the people I’ve been living with for the past three years would care. Would word ever get back to my brother and sister? Would my dad regret never dragging me back to the club?

Would Ruckus give a shit?

The air spins around me as Drew picks up speed and I keep my eyes closed, counting down the seconds until it’s over. I wait for something to go wrong, wondering if I’ll feel pain of just black out?

The music stops and when a loud applause picks up around me I realize I’ve survived another show and open my eyes.

“What did I tell you?” Drew throws off his helmet and leaps off his bike, the adrenaline is fierce in his eyes as he grabs me and kisses me. Sucking up the energy from the crowd like it’s a drug and crowing like a wild animal. He guides me out of the sphere and the crowd gets louder as he lifts my arm and presents me to them.

I smile for them all, giving them what they came here to see. A girl fulfilling her dream, travelling the country, with the man she’s in love with and the thrill of adventure all in her back pocket.

“I fucking told you.” Drew grabs me and leans me back, giving the crowd a little extra tonight when he kisses me again. “Listen to them. You feel that baby?” he asks.

“I feel it.” I laugh back at him, relieved and hopeful that tomorrow will be better. I’ve become really good at kidding myself.

I smile some more and wave to the crowd before Drew drags me backstage. He gets jumped on by the others like it’s the first time they’ve ever performed. Drew gets the same treatment every night, the guys act like he’s a hero, but tonight Josh isn’t joining them in the celebration. He stands on the other end of the backstage curtain watching them, and when his eyes move to meet with mine I feel the anger in them. I’ve seen a lot in his eyes over the years I’ve known him, fear, sadness, guilt, but never anger, and I fake a smile for him too before I leave and head to my trailer.

It must be the early hours of the morning when the door slams open and Drew stumbles inside. I figure he must have just taken a piss outside because his jeans are open and his cock is hanging out of them. I quickly close my eyes, hoping he’ll think I’m asleep and crash out himself.

“Baby, are you still awake?” He pokes me hard in the shoulder, then when he shakes me into the mattress I roll over onto my side.

“Come on, my little star.” He climbs under the covers behind me and when I feel him start to jerk off against my back I keep my eyes closed and stay silent. The amount he’s drunk tonight must be having its effect, and he gives up after just a few half-hearted strokes. But I give it a while longer before I look over my shoulder.

He’s flat out asleep, still holding his flaccid cock in his hand. Slowly, I slide myself to the bottom of the bed so I can climb out. The space in here is so cramped, I can smell the toxins coming off him, and when I’m reminded that the situation I’m in is never gonna get better, I need some air. I grab my robe,tying it around my middle, and step outside just in time to see the start of a brand new day. The roustabouts are already up and at it, dismantling everything, ready to move on to our next location. I hear them calling out to each other as they unhinge the heavy metal poles and load them onto the haulage trucks. They never talk to me, Drew forbids them to, and everyone does what Drew says around here. I realize that I’m still barefoot when something sharp digs into my heel, and as I look down to see what it is, I notice something else. Something that distracts me and makes me pick it up.

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