Page 10 of Ruckus

Despite the pain that seeing her in the flesh puts in my chest, I smile. It’s impossible not to, because she looks so pretty and so happy.

The light follows her across the ring as she races like a ball of energy toward the sphere. Her long blonde hair is styled in soft waves and bounces as she moves. The crystal tiara she’s wearing matches the leotard that leaves nothing to theimagination. It’s tight, and shows off those curves I got to hold in my hands, so perfectly.

I squeeze my hands into fists as I think about her heavy breaths in my ear, and the way her body tensed as I molded her pussy to fit my cock.

Shaking the memory away, I take a deep breath and continue to watch. One of the riders gets off his bike and holds open the door for her to get inside and she waves in all directions of the crowd before she enters. A loud roar comes from the bike of the rider who’s going inside with her as he revs his engine. I know who it is from my Instagram stalking, it’s the weak little fucker who I sent on his way that night at the club.

Drew slowly enters and when the door slams shut, caging them inside, my nails dig into my palms. The beat playing over the speakers gets louder and more intense, then the crowd starts clapping as Drew reaches across and kisses her lips through the face gap of his helmet. It makes me burn inside, and envy momentarily distracts me from the fear I have of her getting hurt. He starts slowly circling her, and I wanna race down these bleachers into the ring and pull her out of that death trap. I wanna punch the fucker who’s building momentum around her, right between his fucking helmet, but all I can do is watch as the music gets faster and so does he.

Freya stands perfectly still in the middle of the sphere, and I wonder if after doing the same thing every night for three years her heart still races as fast as mine is.

I know the reason she left that morning was because of me. It had to be, she lied to me that night, while I was inside her. She regretted us, and this is what she’d rather do than have to face me every day.

It’s eaten away at me ever since, it still burns me from the inside out, and here I am ensuring that old wounds never heal. The bike is whizzing around her so fast now, all it would takeis for Drew to lose control and she could die. I force myself to watch. I didn’t come here to stand with my eyes shut like a fuckin’ pussy. I came here to face up, to prove to myself that she’s moved on. Freya Adams doesn’t need me. She never fuckin’ did.

Eventually he starts to slow his pace, and I feel my chest heave a breath when he finally comes to a stop. Every spectator gets on their feet and Drew is clearly pumped with adrenaline as he throws off his helmet, abandons his dirt bike and lifts Freya off her feet. Then he kisses her and gives the audience the perfect finish to the act.

He carries her out the sphere and places her back on the ground so he can raise her hand and they accept their applause together. Freya looks out at the crowd with a big wide smile on her face, the kinda smile she always gave to Aaron or Polly, but never to me. Did I really think that one night with her would change everything?

Drew leans her back and kisses her in front of everyone again, and she clings to his arm and laughs before he brings her back up. I quickly shake my head and storm back out because seeing her look so happy shouldn’t cause this much hurt. It’s a reminder that I’m a bad person and she’s better off without me.

I should never have come here, I should never have fucked her in the first place. I take the coin from my pocket and stare at it one last time before I toss it in the air and let it fall to the ground.

“Dumb fuckin’ coin.” I leave it in the dirt to ensure that I never make a bad decision about her again.

How am I still feeling that same pain two years later? I guess over the years I’ve learned to live with it, suffering in silence has been the way to handle things around here for so long. But so much has changed since Cliff’s been gone. I see Raze and howhe cares for Peyton, and Wrath may be in a bad place right now, but he loves Eden with all his heart and he ain’t afraid to show it. Their lives have changed, while mine is just sitting dormant.

Two years hasn’t stopped me wanting to get those answers, it hasn’t stopped me caring about her, and it hasn’t stopped me wanting to get on bike and ride to that show just so I can be close to her again.

If I hadn’t left my coin in the dirt that night, I’d take it out right now and use it to assure myself that what I want to do is a bad idea. If I had any fuckin’ sense or pride I’d tell myself to get it out of my head, but when it comes to Freya Adams I got nothing but compulsion and so I rush for the door, racing through the clubhouse so I can get to the parking lot and catch up with my best friend.

“What ya doin?” Wrath looks confused as he watches me take my saddle.

“What d’ya think I’m doin’? I’m comin’ with you.” I nod my head at Rocco to open the gate before I change my mind.

Two Years Earlier

“What are you doing?” I catch Drew snorting another line off the table and he wraps his arms around my hips and buries his head into my stomach.

“There’s enough for you too, baby.” He lifts up his head and laughs at me.

“You know I don’t do that shit, and you wouldn’t either if you cared about me. You need to be focused for the show tonight.” I don’t want to cause an argument, but Drew’s been going off the rails lately. He’s really starting to scare me.

“You know this shit makes me do better, right?” He looks up at me and creases his brow before standing and grabbing a beer from the refrigerator.

“Shouldn’t you be in make-up, getting your hair done or some shit?” He cracks the top off. “And tell Magna to lose the skirt part of your costume, we upped the price of tickets since we were last here, let’s give the boys something to look at.” He grabs my ass before taking a long swig from his bottle.

“Drew. The drugs and the drinking… it’s making me nervous,” I explain, hoping it will make him think.

“Sweetie, you stand in the center of a giant hamster ball every night and let me ride circles around you, a little beershouldn’t make you nervous.” He takes hold of my hand and pulls me closer.

“Come on, Drew, you know what I mean. Even Josh agrees with me. It’s risky.”

“Josh.” His mood instantly changes and he slams down his beer. “You and my brother have been talking behind my back?” He storms toward the door and rips it open. “Josh, get your weasel ass in here,” he calls out, and I close my eyes while instantly regretting my words.

“What’s up?” Josh steps inside our trailer, taking off his cap and tucking it into his back pocket.

“Have you been speaking to my girl about me?” Drew asks, causing me to lower my head rather than look at the poor guy. “You think I drink too much? That I don’t deserve a little something to take the edge off between shows?” he questions, and when I hear a loud thud, I look up and see that Drew’s slammed his brother’s head into the counter.

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