Page 39 of The Devil's Viking

“Pathetic?” he echoed.”Why do you feel like that?”

“Oh, God,” she said. “Whydon’tI feel like that? The reasons are so many, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Begin anywhere, baby.”

“Ummmm. OK, well, I was stupid enough to voluntarily get myself held hostage by a cult. I let them drug me into submission for months, and I was a whore for the loser who ran the place, this little tin god who fooled me and then trapped me. I have almost no education – nothing like you, nothing that reallycounts– and so all I’m good for is cooking and cleaning. I’d say that I’malsogood for fucking, but Gideon made it crystal clear that I was lousy atthatand never quite made the grade there either.”

She paused, waited to see if Viking was going to speak. But he was looking at her calmly, his eyes so warm and patient, so she took another breath and carried on.

“I screwed up my big escape plan by running smack into the middle of a biker gang who now puts motion sensors outside my bedroom. I’mstillcooking and cleaning, at least for money now, but I’m hardly saving lives, or advancing world peace, or doing anything evenslightlyimportant. I’m thirty years old and I have no prospects, no goals, no family, no friends. I’m an ex-junkie who wasted pretty much every minute of my life so far, one way or another, and I seenothingin my future that gives me hope that the next thirty years will be any better.”

She stopped.

“What else?” he asked her quietly. “Tell me everything.”

“Well…I’m… I keep comparing myself to Zoe and Vixen and…” She exhaled, hard. “And I feel especially pathetic next to them. I feel small and invisible, totally flat-chested and straight as a board, and that fucking thing on my back –”

She broke off again, trying to hold back her tears now.

“It’s so – it’s sougly, Viking. Who would ever – nobody will –youwon’t –”

“I won’t what?”

“You won’t ever want to be with me.” The words caught in her throat. “Not ever.”

“Do you want me to be with you?” he asked, but she looked away. “Baby… is that what you want?”

“More than anything,” she said in a rush; if she was going to do this, she was going togofor it, and to hell with the fall-out. “I want to be with you by active, consciouschoice, you know? I want tochooseto be close to a man, andchoosewhat to do with him. I want to have the freedom to say ‘no’, and to enjoy what I say ‘yes’ to, and not feel bad after. No shame and disgust, no feeling like I sold myself for drugs or approval from a goddamn cult leader. I just want – I want to get into bed with you and feel safe and relaxed about everything that we do there, and I want to know that when I get up out of that bed, you’d still respect me. You’d evenlikeme, but not because we had sex. You’d like me forme, you know? You’d just – you’d want to keep talking to me over coffee while I bake, and you’d still say goodnight, and you’d check on me during the day. And that’s it…that’s how I feel.”

She stopped talking; that was it, that was everything. Now the chips would fall all over the damn place, and she’d find a way to be OK with wherever they ended up.

Viking stared at Iris, stunned and shocked at what she’d just told him. It was a lot to unpack: it was her heart and her fears and her desires all handed to him in one go. He hadn’t expected any ofthiswhen he’d come in to check on her, but now she had trusted him with all of those things, and he had to do right by her. He had to be just as open and honest; he had to be as brave.

Here we go. Start with the biggest truth.

“Baby,” he said. “I want to be with you too.”

She looked surprised, then she blushed.“You do?”

“I really do. I have for a while, but I was worried about scaring you.”

“Because of Gideon? What he – what he did?”

“Yes, and not just what I suspected he did to you in bed. That tattoo –” He fought back against the rage that was rising in his chest. “I was so worried that you never wanted anything to do with a man ever again, and I wouldn’t even blame you.”

“I did feel that way,” she confessed. “But then I started talking to you, and getting to know you, and now… now Idon’tfeel that way. I feel the opposite.”

“So do you think that I could touch you?” Viking asked. “Just touch you, see how you feel when that happens.”

“Yes,” she said quietly. “Yes, please.”

Slowly, he leaned forward, watching her face as he moved towards her. He raised his large hand and touched her cheek, stroking the impossibly pale skin. His fingertips trailed over the curve of her face, tender and slow. “Will you let me do this?”

Her breath caught. “Yes.”

Viking’s eyes sparked at her husky assent. His fingers threaded in her long, loose hair and he gently tugged her closer, until she was all the way forward in the chair.

“And this?” he said. “Can I do this?”

---