Page 83 of The Devil's Scars

“The suffocation and forced blow-job did,” she said quietly. “And way more stuff, too. Lots of punching. Cutting my breasts with a knife. Beating the bottoms of my feet. Bear was asking for money, see. Said that I was his little whore, and told the guys that if they wanted to see him force me to do something, then they had to put their money on the table. A guy would put down the cash, tell Bear what to do, and Bear did it to me. The pool cue – he said that was the grand finale, and the honor of doing that to me would go to the highest bidder to do personally So he was taking his time, I think, teasing them and whipping up the excitement.”

“Fucking animals,” Scars growled, beyond anger now, well into rage, hoping hard that none of those creatures were still in the MC, because if so, they were dead men walking. “Zoe –”

“I don’t remember exactly when the guys all unzipped and pulled out their dicks,” she said, and he fell silent at the new horror that she’d experienced at the hands of his brothers. “They were all… they were jerking off and watching Bear hurt me, and then he offered to let them – let them – he said they could take turns.”

“Stop,” he said, not wanting to hear anything more, knowing exactly what that fucking prick had offered to let them do to her. “Stop, baby.”

“I was screaming by then, just screaming, but nobody was coming. Bear told me that nobody would ever come and help a stupid whore, that I was club property and they owned me, and so they could do whatever they wanted to me. Nobody would help, nobody would care.” She took a shuddering breath. “I – I believed him. I finally understood how they thought of women, you see, and I understood way too late. For them, women were just holes to fuck, things to use, objects to break and discard. I started to kind of space out then, I think, just kind of zone out.”

“You were in shock, baby,” Scars said gently. “And no wonder.”

“Right after he told them that he was open to them taking turns with me, things get kind of fuzzy. I know they didn’t touch me, and I clearly remember Bear handing the pool cue to one guy… I think his name was Spike. I shut my eyes because I knew what was coming – but it never happened.”

“Why not?” Scars asked, fiercely sorry that Spike had also been killed in The Fallen Angels shoot-out, because Scars would have had serious plans for him. “Did Spike develop a conscience?”

“No. No. Wolf found me.”

“Thank Christ.”

“The look on his face, Scars. I’ll never forget it.” She shivered, sure that that was how Wolf always looked just before taking a human life. “I don’t know what he said or why they listened to him, but they did. They actually ran out of there, just ran like the cowards that they were, and Wolf took care of me. Untied me, and wrapped me in his own clothes, and just held onto me. I was a wreck, to put it mildly. I was screaming and crying and shaking, and I couldn’t talk for about four hours after. I was freezing and I kept throwing up. I hurt all over, I couldn’t walk from them beating the soles of my feet.”

“Jesus.”

“Wolf finally carried me out of there, took me to the hospital. The cops were very interested in what had happened, and they decided that Wolf was a great suspect. They’d been trying to get him on something for a while, and I guess they decided this was as good a thing as any. They dragged him bodily down to the station for questioning, and when he violently resisted because he didn’t want to leave me alone, they arrested him for assaulting me, and assaulting a police officer. He spent six months in jail for that.” She sighed, and he saw that she’d pulled herself together again. “If I’d had a clue what was happening around me, I’d have told them that it wasn’t him, but I was in no condition to talk.”

“No way he blames you for that, Zoe.”

“He doesn’t, not at all. He also understands why I checked myself out of the hospital the next afternoon, went home, packed a bag, and got in my car.”

“You ran that very next day?”

“I knew that the only thing protecting me from Bear and the guys was Wolf – and he was in jail by then, no bail granted. I was afraid, Scars. I was sure they’d come back and finish the job, just to shut me up. So you see, when all those guys were killed in that shoot-out the next year, I felt zero regret that they were dead. I knew that Wolf was conflicted and hurt, but he understood that for me, it was a huge relief.”

“Did he want you to come back then?”

“He asked. I refused. He never asked again – until a few months ago. And now, here I am.”

“Here you are,” Scars echoed. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this, baby? I’d have helped you, you know. I’d have made sure we went slow, made you feel safe and secure. I’d have understood all the confusion and fear, and I sure as hell would have talked to you about anything you were thinking or feeling.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I should have, I know. But, honestly? You took me by surprise, right from the very beginning. I never saw you coming, I never expected what you offered and who you are. I kept shocking myself when I was with you, kept being amazed by the things I wanted to do with you, the things that I begged for you to do to me.”

He reached for her hand now, and she took it. He rubbed her cold fingers, wishing that he could hold her, but not sure that she was ready for that yet.

“The thing is, Scars, I just – when I was with you, I vacillated between feeling so damn much, and then thinking too damn much about what I was feeling. Back and forth like a pendulum, swinging between wanting to be close to you, then wanting to get the hell away from you. I had no plan, and I didn’t know what I was thinking or feeling. I didn’t know if I trusted you, if I trusted myself – so I had no idea how to tell you any of this. I just didn’t know.”

“It’s OK, baby. Everything is OK.”

She finally looked at him. “It is?”

“It is.”

“So – you can forgive me?” she said. “Forgive all the unfair and awful things that I accused you of, and for taking all that happened out on you?”

“Nothing to forgive.”

“No?”

“No.” He stood now, then knelt down in front of her. So slowly, so gently, watching her eyes the whole time, he cupped her face in his hands. “I understand you now, Zoe. I see you and I want you, all of you. Will you let me in, baby? Into your life? A little bit more every day, a little bit at a time?”

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