Page 106 of The Devil's Scars

“Don’t I dare – what?” Zoe faltered.

“Don’t you dare apologize again.” Willa spoke crisply. “I don’t blame you. Jimmy doesn’t blame you. Wolf and his guys don’t blame you. Scars won’t, when he comes to and can put a sentence together, and Keira never will, because you rescued her from that disgusting man almost as soon as she was born. The only person blaming you, Zoe, is you. So just cut it out, before it eats you up inside, and I mean, right the hell now.”

“I… I don’t know if I can do that,” Zoe said quietly. “So much hurt, so much pain, so much damage… and no, I didn’t do it, but I had a hand in it, even an unknowing and oblivious one. He was here because I’m here, because I brought Keira here. I’m not sure if I can ever really look at you again, look at your hand, and not feel totally responsible. You were – you went through so much, hon. I can’t forget that.”

“You don’t have to forget it. I won’t. But it doesn’t have to be the only and first thing that we both think about, does it? Jimmy has already set up appointments for me with a therapist back in Fargo next month. He’s moving me into his house next weekend. He’s going to help me, Zoe, he’s going to love me and be whatever I need. I don’t know what that is right now, but I’ll figure it out.”

Zoe blinked.”You’re so… I don’t know. Sane? Serene?”

“Because I’m here, and I can see the sun shining, and I’m mostly OK. That monster who killed your sister and tried to kill your daughter is dead, and he can’t ever hurt anyone again. Your baby girl is going to be fine. Scars… well.” Willa paused. “From what you’ve told me, his vitals are strong and steady, and the burns aren’t infected. He’s a big, healthy guy, and he’s fighting, I’m sure.”

“I hope so.”

“So, beat yourself up if you want to, OK? Feel terrible and responsible forever. Go ahead. And watch every relationship that you care about just shrivel up and die, Zoe, because they will. I won’t put up with you telling me what happened to me is your fault – I just won’t, so don’t try to make me. I love you, you’re incredibly important to me, but I won’t cater to your self-abuse and bullshit.”

“Wow. Ummm.” Zoe didn’t quite know where to look. “You’re so – fierce.”

“And you’re not!” Willa told her. “You’re sitting around telling everyone how sorry you are, over and over. And we’ve told you to stop that, over and over. Your refusal to do so is just wallowing in your own self-pity now, and that is not the Zoe that I know. The Zoe that I know would be fierce and furious. Instead, you’re all weepy and weak. Stop. It. Now. If it were my kid that Gil had come after, or Wolf’s kid, or Scars’ kid, and you’d gotten hurt somehow, you’d never hold it against us. You’d tell us that assholes are gonna asshole, and you’d order us to stop holding ourselves responsible for the sick actions of a pathetic dickhead. So – do that, Zoe. Do it now.”

“Jesus, Willa. Tell me what you really think.”

“There she is!” Willa beamed. “Back in smart-ass mode is a good sign.”

Zoe laughed, and was amazed at how good that felt. “OK, OK. Point made, you bossy bitch.”

“Awesome.”

Just then, Willa’s doctor entered, and the women looked up at her.

“Hey,” Willa said. “Can I get out of here?”

“Plotting your escape, huh?” Doctor Locke said wryly. “Well, you’re in luck, because you get to go home tomorrow afternoon.”

“Yeah?” Willa said. “For real?”

“For real. Your finger has healed up incredibly well, and your body can heal just as well on a sofa in front of the TV as it can here. So long as you’re never left alone, just because you need help moving around, you’re free to run as fast as those legs can carry you.”

“It’s snail-speed, but I don’t care,” Willa said. “My boyfriend just flew in, and he won’t let me out of his sight, believe me.”

“Good man.” Doctor Locke smiled. “So… eat a good meal tonight and tomorrow morning, and if you can do that, I’ll sign off on your release.”

“Deal!”

“Perfect timing,” Doctor Locke said as the food cart stopped outside the room. “ And it smells like chicken with potatoes and mushy peas! Yum.”

“Argh.” Willa sank back onto her pillows. “Mushy peas. Why did it have to be mushy peas?”

“It’s always mushy peas,” Doctor Locke said cheerfully. “We’re not very creative around here.”

“Bah,” Willa huffed. “But if eating them gets my butt out of here tomorrow, I’ll choke them down.”

“Do you mind if I go check on Keira?” Zoe asked her as the nurse brought the tray over. “And on Scars?”

“Go.” Willa waved her left hand, the hand holding the fork. She was right-handed, and Zoe knew that she’d struggle a bit with feeding herself wrong-handed until the bandage came off. “You don’t need to see mushy peas all down my face as I miss my mouth more than I hit it, believe me.”

“Sooo true.” Zoe gave her a kiss on the top of her head. “Mushy bananas dripping off a one-year-old are bad enough, God knows.”

“Welcome back, you snarky bitch,” Willa said happily. “Took your time getting here, but you’re definitely here now.”

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