“Oh.” Annie took the paper bag, ridiculously touched at the sweet gesture. “Oh, thank you.”
“But maybe we should take them back,” Noah said. “Because you’re eating too much junk food already, and cookies are just flour and sugar.”
“And chocolate,” Callie added. “And butter.”
“Yes, well.” Annie set the cookies on the table. “Thank you for the ingredients list.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Mom,” Noah said. “You’re not OK.”
“Sweetie –”
“No.” Her son’s face was as troubled as it ever got. “You look like you’re not sleeping and like you’ve been crying for days. Your face is all puffy and you have bags under your eyes and your house is a mess. Iknowyou’ve hidden candy wrappers and take-out boxes all over the place, and I bet that if I went to the sink, it would be full of wine glasses.”
“Noah –”
“No. Mom. I know you’re upset and sad about Doctor Sam. I know that if Callie wasn’t with me, I’d be upset and sad too. But you’re scaring me.” He was opening and closing his hands, the one sure sign of his agitation. “I’m worried.”
“He is,” Callie said. “Really.”
“God, Noah… I’m sorry.” Annie was horrified. “Sweetie, you don’t need to worry about me, OK? That’s not your job.”
“Why not?” Noah asked. “Isn’t that what family members do for each other? Worry and watch out and care for one another?”
“Well… yes. Yes. But I’m fine.”
Noah and Callie’s expressions showed their complete lack of faith in that statement.
“OK, look.” Annie fiddled with her sweater sleeve. “That’s not true. I’mnotfine. I’m – hurt. I’m lonely, a bit. I’m definitely sad. I miss Sam. I wish that things were different. I – I want him back. But – well. It’s not possible.”
“Right now,” Noah said.
“What?” Annie said.
“Right now. It’s not possibleright now. Because of Cindy and Kathleen. But Doctor Sam will figure out their place in his life, and then you can figure out yours.”
“Honey…”
“Why not?” Noah asked. “You love him, he loves you. He needs some time to make some adjustments and you’re giving it to him. It hurts you both, but it’s what has to be done right now. I understand all of that. It’s logical.”
“Yes.” Annie was fitting the urge to smile, despite herself. “It is.”
“But this won’t go on forever. Things will fall in line because Doctor Sam will make them. And then you can be together.”
“It’s not that simple, Noah.”
“Why not?” His tone was combative. “If you want to be with him, and he wants to be with you, and you’re both mature adults who can talk and solve problems, then why not?”
“Uhhhh…”
“I think you’re being very pessimistic,” Noah told her severely. “Ialsothink you’re being very unfair to Doctor Sam. I don’t believe that he’s going to forget you, and Ireallydon’t believe that just because two new people came into his life suddenly, that he’s going to kick you out of it forever. I think that you’re kickingyourselfout for good, and I don’t understand why. Why do you want to be unhappy, Mom?”
Annie was struck dumb. Whywasshe kicking herself out of Sam’s life forever? OK, yes, as Noah pointed out, a temporary absence was needed, no doubt about that. Sam had a boatload of issues to sort, and that would take some time… butwhywas she acting like she had to be banished from the fairy tale kingdom forever? Why didn’t she have more faith that Sam would organize his new life – and leave a place for her in it? Why was she acting like she’d been written out of the story, just told to exit stage left?
Because nobody has ever made me feel important before.
Because in my whole life, nobody has ever made me a priority, never put my happiness on the agenda.