Page 43 of Lush Curves

“Good.” He drank some coffee. “Ask, princess.”

“Well… did you ever think about getting married? Maybe having kids?”

“Nope.”

“What, really? Never?”

“No, never.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Sure you can.” He crunched some bacon. “Go ahead.”

“OK.” She laughed again. “Why?”

“Mostly because I never met a woman that I wanted to marry, I guess. There was one, I’d say, but she desperately wanted kids, and I don’t. She left me over it.”

“You – you don’t want kids?”

“No.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Yes.” He grinned. “You can.”

“Why?”

“Well… lots of reasons, honey. I mean, the biggest thing is that I don’t think that being a Dad works with my professional life, even though lots of doctors have kids, of course. But something about me, something about the fact that I focus so totally on trauma… the thought of having to come home and set all that aside somehow, to protect a small human from all that ugliness and pain? I don’t think I could, not to the extent that a child needs.”

“You can’t switch off?”

“I’m better at it now, but I still have my bad days.”

“It’s not too late, you know. You’re only thirty-four. You can still meet someone and have kids.”

He stared at her. “Ihavemet someone, Annie. She’s here, and she’s all that I want.”

“But – I can’t give you kids. That’s all over for me.”

“Listen, honey.” Sam’s face and voice were very serious. “I don’t want children, alright? I promise you, I made this decision a long time ago, and I’ve never regretted it. I see kids in the E.R. almost every day, and I take care of them like they’re my own, and then I let them go. I swear, that’s enough for me – more than enough.”

“Really?”

“Really. I’m not sorry and I don’t feel like I missed anything by not being a Dad.” He stopped. “Though, I have to admit, Iamopen to marriage, so long as it was a marriage without kids.”

“You are?”

“I am.” He held her hand, his thumb tracing the length of her ring finger over and over. “I’d love to marry someone, have years and years of wild nights in bed, and then lazy mornings in bed. Have whatwehave, actually.”

“Oh.” She pulled her hand away. “Sam… I…”

“I know, princess,” he said gently. “I know it’s too soon to talk about anything like that.”

“Well, yes, but also – you know I’m still married.”

“Sure.”

“And… I don’t know how tonotbe married.”

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