Page 14 of Own to Obtain

“But you know it was likely that he was right about the imbalance? You probably did feel his emotion heavily at the beginning because the bond hadn’t been fully completed.”

Shaya nodded. “But that’s not all it was. When I came out of the mountains, I just did not want to feel his pride and smugness. He didn’t care. He never truly worried about me the way he should have if he really cared.”

“But you were sure he did before,” Kyus pointed out. “When he took you to his temple, you believed him, didn’t you?”

Shaya nodded.

“So how could he have changed his feelings about you so quickly?” Kyus asked. “It doesn’t make sense. You didn’t feel any drastic change in the bond, did you?”

Shaya leaned forward as she tried to explain. “His customs are different. There are things he does that seem inexplicable—he is able to inflict incredible torture and punishment and feels it is justified because that is what he knows. It seems as though he may care about me to some degree, but never as much as he cares about becoming high chief. And that would be all right if he didn’t have to use me to achieve that position, but never once has he kept me separate from that goal. He uses my dynamic against me all the time. For him, it is normal. He cannot see things any other way, and he doesn’t even try.”

Kyus nodded slowly. “Indeed, he is barbaric. And I have to tell you that I am greatly disturbed by the way he has treated you. I knew that the Southern Lands would be savage, but never once did I think you would go through that kind of experience, Shaya.” She blinked rapidly as she swallowed. “I absolutely don’t want you with him. If I could take you somewhere—anywhere—and keep you from him, I would. But it’s not as simple as that now. You are true mates and it is well-known that you cannot choose who your true mate is. For that alone, you have to be sure that you wish to leave him. Now that you know what it is to be an Omega, now that you know what it is to be with an Alpha, and not just any Alpha, but the Alpha who you are meant to be with, I cannot take that away from you unless you are absolutely sure.” She held Shaya’s gaze, her expression deadly serious. “And I’m not sure you are. I don’t think you realize what you will be giving up if you decide to leave him. Just because his culture is different doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you in the way he is able. And that may be enough—it may be just right for you, because he’s yours. Is that worth giving up? Knowing you’ll never have him again?”

Shaya struggled with her thoughts and the muddle of emotions that suddenly overwhelmed her. For a moment, her immediate response was no, she couldn’t give it up, especially in the wake of such deeply satisfying dreams, but then her mind caught up and she had to take time to order her thoughts.

“You say that Elion didn’t care about you,” she began, “but I can tell from the way he looks you and the way he treats you that he does. I see the way he talks about you when you are not here, the things he does for you that you do not know, the tension in his body when he thinks you may not be happy, and the satisfaction on his face when he knows that you are. You have taught yourself to ignore those things because you think his heart is somewhere else, but I have seen them. I’ve seen them for years. Kardos does not behave the same way. He is beautiful and fierce and yes I accept that he is completely different from Elion, but even if he never behaved the same as your Alpha, mine goes out of his way to hurt me. Physically. I thought maybe it was his culture, but it’s not just that. It is his love for his goal. Imagine how much it would hurt to not only know that your Alpha goes out of his way to hurt you, but to feel it in your chest that he is proud about it.”

Her voice faltered but she forced herself to remain firm. “I cannot suffer in that way, Kyus. I just can’t. He made me feel like I could survive that Land if I followed the rules, that I could win over his people and his father and even thrive there if I just took the time to understand him and his culture. And I truly felt that might be possible when I thought he cared. But he doesn’t. He will do anything to accomplish his goal. And if I could trust he would focus on that and let me be then… maybe. But he uses me to get what he needs. And I know I caused problems for him too… but at some point I have to decide how much I can take. I tried as hard as I could, but I can’t do it anymore.”

The mood in the room had changed.

Shaya’s gaze was on her fingers as she played with the corner of her pillow. “The Land is truly beautiful, more beautiful than anything I’ve seen. Bright and vivid and strangely stark, but so stunning. And the people are resilient and family-oriented. They’re very nice, most of them, but I don’t understand them. There is nothing there for me.”

When she lifted her eyes, Kyus was watching her carefully, searching every inch of her face, and Shaya held her gaze. As much as the greyness weighed on her, and the desire for Kardos had impacted her, the clarity she had woken with from the Discovery Mountains still remained intact, even if sometimes buried. Kardos had hurt her multiple times and in multiple ways, but the worse was when he’d reveled in it. The bond didn’t lie.

Finally, Kyus sighed. “All right, Shaya. I just want you to be sure. Things won’t be easy for us. I don’t doubt that he will try to find us here first—I’m surprised he hasn’t arrived already, but I’ve been monitoring our surroundings and we seem safe for now. But we cannot stay in the Western Lands.”

“You think he will come here? To this house?”

“Yes.” Kyus was firm. “He knows I live here and he has an alliance with the king. He will most certainly come here first.”

Shaya’s mood dropped. So it didn’t matter even if the dream was real. She had to agree with Kyus though, especially with how angry Kardos had been when she left.

“You’re not the first Omega an Alpha has chased across the known Lands,” Kyus continued, thoughtfully. “I don’t doubt shinno Kardos won’t hesitate to do the same. But I don’t know where we could go. I thought maybe that we could purchase property on the edge of the wastelands in the Eastern Lands. Most don’t wish to live near that area, and it would be quiet. I’m not sure what there is in the way of work, but there is farmland that surrounds the area that we could learn how to look after.”

“What about your spy work and Elion?” Shaya asked, confused.

Kyus shook her head. “That doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does! Elion won’t simply just let you go. He’d either come with you or he will—” She stopped abruptly as she saw Kyus’ face. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Kyus said stiffly.

“I can tell something is wrong, Kyus. What is it? Is it Elion?”

“We’re not….” Kyus struggled to finish a sentence.

“Are you arguing?”

“No,” Kyus said bitterly. “I stopped speaking to him the day he let you go.”

Shaya’s eyes widened. “You haven’t spoken to him all this time?”

“There’s nothing to say,” Kyus said sharply. “He knew you were my sister and he still allowed you to be taken.”

“There was nothing he could have done!” Shaya was incredulous. “I volunteered to go in your place, Kyus. It was my choice.”

“He could have done something,” Kyus insisted. “But instead he thought about himself, once again. He is selfish. He never thinks beyond himself and his own needs and I fulfill many of them. I have to live with the knowledge that I will never be as important to him as his Beta woman, and yet he didn’t even do one thing to help you from being taken.”

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