Page 5 of Own To Obsess

Rozalia slowed to a stop, holding a pillow in her hands. She turned to Shaya. “I do not doubt that could be true,” she said slowly. “But I would want to know exactly what I am and why certain things happen to my body,” she said firmly. “And I would want Treska to be aware of all the circumstances surrounding what she is too, so she could prepare for what may happen.”

Shaya didn't respond. It was an easy thing for someone to have an opinion without experience, but she had already said too much.

Rozalia sighed and sat down the bed. “The Haze is the condition an Omega goes into when she is ready for breeding,” she explained. “She becomes highly aroused and her entire body changes in order to prepare her for what is to come. Her scent changes to attract Alphas, and it will be impossibly enticing to the most suitable and compatible Alpha. The Omega’s body becomes solely focused on preparing itself to mate constantly, and all other functions become secondary. She also gains a golden sight, which is when her irises turned golden and she can see the Alpha who is most suited to breed her through his golden glow.”

Shaya frowned. “Kardos had that.”

“Yes.” Rozalia nodded. “When in your Haze you will see the glow from all Alphas, but it will emanate stronger from the Alpha that you’re most compatible with.”

“But he had it on the ship,” Shaya pointed out. “And also in his bedroom. Does that mean I was in my Haze both times?”

Rozalia nodded again. “On the ship, you went into a semi-haze; it wasn't as complete like the one in his bedroom.”

“And you induced both of them, didn't you?” Shaya forcing herself to hold the older woman’s gaze.

“I induced the one on the ship,” Rozalia corrected. “The one his bedroom… I can only guess the bond caused that.”

Shaya didn't respond. Although she felt betrayed by Rozalia’s admission, she didn’t know how to address it or if she even should. Rozalia had never promised her anything, and she didn't want to get into an argument while she still felt so unsure and ignorant about things.

From her recollections it seemed as though Kardos had looked after her during their time in his bedroom. In fact, she remembered he’d been caring and considerate. He fed her, rocked her to sleep, kissed her thoroughly, told her things… things that made her nearly ache in embarrassment, but she had truly loved hearing those words while he looked at her with such... She couldn’t even place the look in his eyes when he gazed at her, but she knew she loved it, had reveled in it. A deep yearning bloomed in her stomach. Where was he?

Shaya shook her head sharply as she immediately redressed her thoughts. There was no way Kardos did not blame her for the bond. He’d initially been angry and set about destroying everything he could get his hands on, but then he glowed, and everything intensified—his scent, her desire and need for him, his attention on her… everything. Now she knew why. It was instinctual—it wasn’t real.

“For the meantime, I suggest you spend some time looking over your notes about the Southern Isles,” Rozalia said, breaking into her reflections. “I’ll bring your meals.”

Yes, that’s what she needed to do—study the culture. That might help her figure out what Kardos might do with her.

Shaya spent the rest of the day reading her notes and trying to remember what Treska had told her about the Southern Isles. In particular, she refreshed her memory on the structural hierarchy of the Southern Isles, the purpose of the shinnos, and how the islands were organized. A niggling question about who she would have been paired with if she hadn't bonded with Kardos rose in her mind, but there didn't seem any point in questioning that now.

As she studied other questions arose. Why was Kardos so keen to give her away? What had he been promised in exchange for her? He had never said. And yet his fury suggested that it was something significant.

Throughout the day, Rozalia brought her trays with food; stew, soup, and pastries, both sweet and savory, for her to eat, and although she nibbled at everything, she had lost her appetite. Every time the door opened, a blast of roiling nausea shot through her from fear it might be Kardos striding through the door, and she had no idea what he would do. The horror of possibly facing him forced her to stay in the room, mirroring her past imprisonment.

Rozalia’s suggestion to study—as well as bringing her food—indicated she also thought it best Shaya didn’t leave the room. But then what did she expect? Shaya hadn't thought through the consequences of her actions when she bit him, but she reluctantly acknowledged she was thankful she wasn't chained up or back in the black box-room.

When night fell, she paced the room, an unease to her thoughts, a sense of unknowing that darkened her mood. As she tired, she realized she was glancing at the door more often, and the low burn of the bond in her chest was becoming more intense. She needed to see Kardos. Her whole body ached for him, especially when her mind lingered on the memories of her Haze. On top of that, she wanted to know where she stood with him. His treatment of her would tell her what she should expect during the rest of her time in the Southern Lands, and it was becoming nerve-racking not knowing.

But she couldn’t remain up all night; the pains in her body needed rest and relaxation. Eventually she climbed into the bed and gripped onto the pillow, wishing it were the chest of the Alpha. The incredible memories of being with him in his bedroom were the only things that soothed her nerves enough to help her fall asleep. If things could only be like that with him all the time, life would not be so bad.

Kardos didn’t come that night. Or the next. Or the next.

Shaya found herself alert and on edge waiting for him to return, but he didn’t. Instead each night she went to sleep rubbing her chest to try to ease the sharp and powerful weight of the bond as it grew heavy and more burdensome. Rozalia continued to bring her food and encouraged her to study, but the claw in her chest soon disoriented her. She couldn’t tell if what she was feeling was coming from the bond or her own emotions, and a dark gloom set in deep. She found herself in yet another prison. This one a bedroom—except there was no ocean and no Kardos.

“Does he hate me?” she whispered to the potionist one evening, as she placed down the tray with Shaya’s evening meal.

Rozalia paused, then turned to her. “I don’t know,” she admitted, quietly. “I haven’t been able to speak to him. He has been at his temple for days.”

Shaya exhaled slowly, her mood dropping even lower.

“I very much doubt he hates you, Katashaya,” Rozalia added. “But you should be able to tell through the bond, surely?”

Shaya shook her head. “I cannot make sense of it.”

Rozalia nodded, sprinkling a pinch of mixed herbs over the bowl of soup. “It may take a while for you to understand it properly. It always feels more powerful at first, but when it mellows you will get used to it.”

Shaya almost asked her how she seemed to know so much about the bond and Omegas, but the question dissolved as quickly as it arrived in her mind. She couldn’t concentrate on anything. She accepted the bowl of soup but wasn’t hungry. As soon as Rozalia left, she placed it down and climbed back into bed.

Her appetite did not return the next day or the one after. She decided to not get up at all and remained curled under the blankets in a sleepy daze until Rozalia discovered her.

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