Page 26 of Own To Obsess

Her own words tore her apart because the annoying thing was, she loved to sate his urges. She looked forward to the moment in the night when his hand stroked her skin. Was this what being an Omega was really about? Forced to submit to feelings you had no control over. It was a fucking horrible way to live, and if this is what her life was going to be, she hated it.

The dismay in Rozalia's face surprised her, but she was too annoyed to respond to it.

Shaya rose to her feet. “Let’s just go to the gardens.”

***

The next morning, after yet another sweaty night, Kardos took her again, but this time, instead of getting fully dressed, he pulled on his undergarment and placed the rest of his clothes down the bed. He pulled one of the chairs next to the bed, sat down, keeping his back straight and his hands on his thick thighs.

She frowned at him, wondering what he was doing, but when he turned to her in annoyance, having sat in the chair for a few long moments, she realized what he was expecting.

She scrambled off the bed and hurried to his side, only to realize she didn't have any of the equipment needed to groom him. Floundering, she looked around the room for any indication where the items might be kept and then rushed to each of the drawers when nothing else was visible.

Finally she found a comb, the cream and brush, and the strange long knife that looked like the one Treska taught her to use to scrape the hair from his face.

She carried the items back to the bed, and laid them out in the triangle the way Treska had done before, but she was disorientated. She had no idea if these items were the same as what Treska had used on the ship, they only looked similar.

She began with the comb, running it through his blond hair at the top of his head, and as she did so she calmed, remembering all the mornings she did this for him on the ship.

Once that was neat, she picked up the long knife, but realized she didn't have the foam.

“Leave that this morning,” Kardos said gruffly.

Shaya nodded, before picking up the cream. As she brushed her hands over his skin, a small part of her settled when she had her hands on him again. She tried to ignore it, because what good would it do? It was just her body once again having a reaction it shouldn't have. As she rubbed the cream into his skin, she glanced at the beard that was growing wild around his mouth. It could certainly do with some taming, but she wasn't sure she wanted to scrape it off completely. She quite liked the rough bristle of his hair on her face… and her thighs.

The brush worked exactly as it had before, deepening the black patterned marks on his skin so they were in high contrast. As soon as she reached the other side of his body, he got up abruptly, finished dressing, and left.

Shaya packed the things away slowly, slightly numbed by his behavior. She hadn't expected him to thank her, but… She shook the thought out of her head. She had done as she was trained to do. This was her life now; this is what she had left her sister for. And yet she couldn't stop the angry tears from falling as she got ready to travel to Rozalia's hut.

In the carriage, she kept the windows uncovered and stared out watching the landscape, ignoring the cold. The flurries of snow stopped and the sun shone bright, causing some of the trees in the distance to sparkle wildly against the white background. It looked absolutely beautiful and calmed Shaya somewhat, but nothing seemed to appease the heavy uncomfortable feel of the bond in her chest. She’d begun to hate it as much as she hated him.

Kardos being angry with her was one thing, but feeling the anger in her chest was like torture. It was like a weight that she carried constantly with her no matter what she did, a weight that could not be eased by anything—not when he was inside her, and not when he was away from her.

The only way to possibly rid herself of the pain was to recreate the potion she’d been forced to create for the king—the one to dull the feeling of the bond between mates.

The thought of doing that made her nervous. Kyus had been completely against that potion; she raged about it constantly while Shaya was making it, but Shaya suspected Kyus would not have had such an aversion to it if it was used in the context Shaya was thinking.

She left that potion in the castle when the shinno had taken her, but it wouldn't take much to recreate since she knew all the ingredients. The only thing she had to worry about was that it was essentially untested.

She sank into deep thought about whether she could recreate the potion safely. She actually had a number of resources at her disposal, including Rozalia. The last time she'd made the potion, she had to rely on her own knowledge of the ingredients and the research she found in the castle, but she was willing to bet that the potionists in the Southern Lands were more experienced than the potion masters of the Western Lands. All she had to do was learn from Rozalia without exposing her plan.

When she arrived, Rozalia greeted her tentatively. “How are you this morning?” she asked.

“Same as always,” Shaya muttered, shrugging. “Which garden are we in today?”

Rozalia grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit opposite her in the hallway again. “Let me talk to you first,” she said, as they settled. She sat still for a moment, clearly gathering her thoughts. “What you said yesterday did upset me a little,” she admitted. “I am not on any one’s side; however, I can see how it may seem that way to you.”

Shaya didn't respond; there was nothing to say.

“I have been repeatedly telling the shinno that you don't understand our culture, that allowances should be made, and that things should be explained to you. I have to respect his decision if he chooses to tell you, or not to tell you certain things. It is not my place to become involved in your relationship. But, I do recognize that you are a part of my tribe now, and each member of the tribe has a responsibility to each other.”

Shaya stared at her, frowning.

Rozalia smiled at her reaction. “You are indeed part of our tribe now, Katashaya. There was no guarantee you were going to be before, but you are mated to the tribe leader.”

Shaya took a breath. It was just strange to hear that she belonged to Tribe Nyek… that she belonged anywhere.

“Not only are you part of my tribe,” Rozalia continued, “but you are training with me. There are things that you do need to know, but I still have to be mindful that parts of your knowledge are the shinno's responsibility.”

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