Page 25 of Own To Obsess

Thankfully, she didn't have time to dwell on it because the carriage was waiting to take her to Rozalia. That day, she finally did a little bit of gardening, learning about the specific variations of plants and flowers that Rozalia was growing. They talked animatedly for hours about the way in which Rozalia put her potions together and Shaya found it fascinating. She had been working on instinct, trial and error, finding solutions through problems that arose or an idea she had, rather than working with any kind of rulebook or potion book. However, Rozalia's methods were based on traditional recipes she had learned from previous potionists as well as potion masters she had met during her time traveling the Western and Eastern Lands.

By the time the day ended, Shaya's head was spinning, but she was incredibly happy. She was learning so much more than she ever would have learned through her trial and error method.

The next three days passed the same way. Kardos would arrive in the middle of the night to take her wildly, roughly, and repeatedly, claiming her as he always did, always remaining silent. And in the morning he would leave again. Shaya spent her days talking about plants and plant care with Rozalia, so much so that it took her mind off her wonderful, sweaty and ultimately depressing nights. And when Rozalia started teaching her about potions, she was glad to discover how delighted Rozalia was that she knew most of the basic recipes. She had an inherent knowledge of the basic recipe formula; major base ingredient, major blending ingredient, and then any minor additions to slightly affect the outcome. She was able to jump right into the more complex recipes, which was not only interesting to her, but sparked Rozalia off on long-winded, animated explanations and tales of the stories behind the recipes or the adventures she personally had taken to get the ingredients.

When she arrived at Rozalia's hut, everything was about potions from the moment she arrived to the moment she left, and that helped her to deal with the situation she was in at “home.”

However, after a week Shaya sat up one morning as Kardos was getting dressed; she watched him carefully and her patience finally began to wane. Gathering all of her courage, she opened her mouth. “Kardos….”

He stilled, and the words on her tongue dried up as the bond in her chest tightened. He turned to her and she couldn’t help but shrink back at the power of his burning gaze.

He hated her.

The thought seared her mind, causing an ache in her chest. Even though she’d served her punishment, he still hated her. Deep down she couldn’t believe it was true, not the way he held and touch her when he took her to his bed. And yet, how could she question the bond? The bond could not lie.

When she said nothing more, he continued dressing and left the room, and the charged tension in Shaya’s body quickly fled.

The gloom of that moment clung to her had not dislodged itself by the time she arrived at Rozalia’s hut. The potionist was already talking about a new recipe she was going to try and she wanted Shaya to harvest the ingredients.

“What has happened?” Rozalia said abruptly, as soon as she saw Shaya's face.

Shaya shook her head. She opened her mouth to tell Rozalia it didn't matter, but instead a sob escaped. She clamped her hand over her mouth, horrified that she had let her feelings come so far to the surface, but it was already too late. Rozalia's expression caused her to break down into tears.

Rozalia pulled her down onto one of the chairs in her hallway. “What's the matter, Shaya,” Rozalia said. “Surely you are enjoying your time here.”

“I enjoy learning about the potions,” Shaya said, wiping her tears away. “But I’m not enjoying anything else. I don't want to be in this land, Rozalia. Kardos treats me….”

“He treats you how?” Rozalia evenly.

“I hardly see him,” she explained, “and when I do he… uses me.”

Rozalia shook her head adamantly. “He is not using you. It may feel that way, but he isn't.”

“You’re not there,” she said as sharply as she could manage. “That is exactly what he does. He comes in, he takes what he wants, then he leaves. He doesn't even speak to me, or treat me how he did before. He is angry, I can feel it in the bond.”

Rozalia took her hand. “I know it may feel like he’s angry with you,” she said softly. “But it is not you he is angry with. He is angry with the situation he is in.”

“What situation is he in?”

Rozalia pressed her lips together for a moment. “I'm not sure it is my place to tell you.”

“But I must have caused that,” Shaya insisted. “I’m the reason why he's in whatever situation he is in. And he is making me suffer for it.”

Rozalia remained silent for a long time, rubbing her thumb over Shaya's hand. “Kardos is extremely focused on his goal right now,” she began softly. “He feels that this is his last chance to get what he wants, so he is obsessed with it. It doesn't take away from how he feels about you. I know that he cares about you deeply. I could tell even before he could, but your presence in his life has changed things for him, and he's trying to find a way to still have everything he’s always wanted, including you.”

Shaya shook her head. She wanted to believe what Rozalia was saying, but Kardos had never shown her any indication that he wanted her beyond his base needs. On the ship was the same thing, he took her whenever he pleased; he never spent any time with her, never once asked her about her home. All he did was take. And now, once again, that was what he was doing. The only difference about the ship was that he wasn’t forced to keep her as a mate, like he was now. So of course, back then, he was more willing to be pleasant at times. And if what Rozalia said was true, and he was trying to meet some kind of goal, that was his main focus. In the meantime, the bond was tearing her from the inside out.

“Within the next few months,” Rozalia began, “he will get what he wants, and he will be able to tend to you as he is supposed to.”

“I don't think he is capable of doing that,” Shaya said tearfully. “Except in one way.”

“He may surprise you, Shaya,” Rozalia said softly. “Please do not give up on him yet. He is a complex person. He may not seem so now, but there is much to him that you do not yet know.”

“Then tell me,” Shaya said, almost begging. “Help me to understand why I should.”

Rozalia was quiet for a long time. Too long. Shaya realized she wasn't going to answer and turned away from her, the tears returning.

“I know that you are on his side,” Shaya said, unable to help the bitterness entering her tone. “You do whatever he says, I understand that. You helped him drug me, and you follow his orders like I’m supposed to do. But you cannot ask me to believe he will be a good man. He has had plenty of chances for that and I don't think he would notice whether I gave up on him or not. I still belong to him and, don't I? I still have to sleep in his bed, open my legs for him, and be the good little Omega he wants me to be when he feels the need to sate his urges.”

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