Page 38 of My Mistake To Make

Her beaming smile cuts through all the crap. She’s the reason; she’s my everything. I can hold it all together for her.

‘I can’t show you inside right now, sweet girl. It’s not safe inside, but I was thinking if it’s okay with your mama,’ I cast a glance at Jessie, who raises one eyebrow, waiting, ‘we could go up and visit with Grandma Dee this weekend.’

Bowie’s eyes light up, excited, and she wraps her arms around my neck. She loves her great-grandma.

‘Don’t you think you should have checked with me before making plans?’ Jessie snarks, and I exhale through my nose, controlling my frustration before I blow.

‘It’s the weekend, Jess. I have her most weekends.’

She twirls her hair around her finger, something I used to love.

‘Fine, take her.’ I see the corner of her mouth twitch—she’s trying not to smile. For once, she gets a pass without having to force it and without having to drop Bowie off with no warning. She’s elated but doesn’t want to show it.

‘Ooh, there’s my baby.’

Grandma runs down the path, her arms wide, her purple lounge suit making me smile.

Bowie runs into her embrace, and Grandma scoops her up, twirling her around. They haven’t seen each other in months. The odd video call here and there, but they’re so happy to be together again.

‘And there’s my other one.’ She smiles at me, putting Bowie down as I step close to hug her.

‘Hey, Grandma,’ I say, contentment flowing through me. Not much makes me feel as good as my Grandma Dee’s hugs.

‘Come on, let’s get you inside and get some food in your bellies.’

We follow Grandma into her little kitchen, where she’s laid out a spread that would have fed the whole family. I laugh, knowing there’s no point protesting it. I am going to be eating more food today than I have all month.

‘So, tell me about the house,’ Grandma says as we sit out on her porch after Bo is in bed. She hands me a beer and swigs from one herself.

‘It’s great, Grandma. I love it up there.’

‘You always did.’ She chuckles. ‘I told you how I used to visit up there with Roberta, right? Back when we were kids, I’d go up there to spend the day with all the animals and sit in the paddock out back, reading books and gossiping.’ She chuckles. ‘My word, that was such a long time ago, but it seems like yesterday.’

I smile and take another swig.

‘And the granddaughter?’

It’s not a fully formed question, but it’s a question all the same, and it leads me to one of my own.

‘Did you ever meet Charlotte, Grandma?’

She smiles.

‘Yeah, I did—sweet girl. I knew her well before I left town. Real sad what happened.’ She looks out into the distance and sips from her bottle. ‘Enough of that,’ she sniffs. ‘What are you going to do about that girl?’

‘Nothing, Grandma. I can’t do anything. If Jessie thinks I like somebody…’

‘It’s Jessie I was talking about.’ She turns to me, smiling, and I want to punch myself in the face. I was so lost down the rabbit hole of thinking about Cara that my thoughts immediately went to her. ‘Who do you like?’

‘Nobody, nothing, I just…’

‘Douglas, I’m your grandmother. Are you about to lie to me?’

I lean forward, my forearms resting on my knees. No point denying it now.

‘Cara, Grandma. She’s…’ I shake my head, not exactly sure what to say. ‘She’s pretty.’ I shake my head again and lower my voice. ‘Goddam, she’s pretty. She’s feisty too and infuriating, but mostly just because I can’t get her out of my head, and I can’t do nothin’ about it.’

‘Anything.’

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