Page 124 of My Mistake To Make

I try to swallow, but my mouth is dry with nerves, so I shake my hands out to the sides and will myself to get it together.

I raise my hand to ring the bell, but the door opens before I can, and I take a deep breath.

‘Cara.’

Eyes strikingly similar to mine stare back at me, and I exhale at the sight of her smile.

‘Hi, Jessie.’

Shoot, I Got You

Cara

Following her into thebeautiful beach house, my stomach is churning with anxiety. As we reach a large terrace overlooking the beach, I let the sound of the waves below calm me and take her invitation to sit. Jessie sits opposite me and looks as nervous as I feel.

‘I’m so sorry, Cara. What I did, that wasn’t fair, messing with you and Doug like that.’ I nod, but it’s small. I didn’t come here for an apology, I don’t think, but getting one is nice. ‘I’m nota bad person,’ she continues, ‘at least, I don’t want to be, but I make bad choices. I act on impulse. I’m trying to get better.’

‘Jessie, I didn’t come here to make you feel bad.’

She blinks at my words as though they’re shocking to her.

‘Why did you come?’

‘I thought I should get to know you a bit.’

‘Can I explain why I did what I did? If you don’t want to hear it, I understand, but Marcus has encouraged me to see a therapist, and she thinks I need to acknowledge why I act the way I do.’

‘Of course, if it’ll help.’

‘I wasn’t raised good.’ She shrugs. ‘My family, they were old fashioned and not in any of the good ways. Women were just there to look pretty, keep house, and open their legs. I was raised to understand that was my role in life. I should use my looks and my assets to attract the right men. Men who could provide for me, not just a good life, but the best life.’ She looks around at her surroundings. ‘That’s how I attracted Marcus, but he saw right through my bullshit and called me out on it.’ Her gaze drops to her hands in her lap, and mine follows. ‘I wanted it to be Doug—for the longest time. I wanted it to be him, but I knew it never would be. I was so focused on money and things, and he’s a small-town boy. For a while, he was making something of himself, and honestly, that’s why I kept Bowie when I found out I was pregnant. Because I thought he was going to be my ticket out of Forest Falls and out of the life I saw my mom live. I didn’t realize he was going to give it all up for her, to be there for her, and I resented him for it. I’m ashamed to say I resented her too, Bowie. I love her, I do, so much, but I’m a work in progress, Cara. I’m trying real hard, but my default setting is to be a vindictive, jealous bitch. When I knew you were in town, then when I saw you, something in the back of my brain convinced me that it should have been me. I should have been the one out of the two of us that got to be the Reynolds girl. I should have that houseand the money. I even hated that when I found out about you two—you might want to start closing your windows when you’re fuckin’ by the way, you areloud, girl—’

Oh, my god. Heat rushes up my neck…that’show she found out? He never told me that.

‘But when I heard you callin’ his name, all I could think was that you don’t need to care that he doesn’t have anything to offer you. You have the luxury of not needing to seek out a man who can give you more, and I hated you for that. It’s stupid. I know that.’

‘It’s not.’ She looks up at me, surprise etched on her features. ‘You were raised to believe certain things, and you have lived your life that way. That’s normal. I was raised to believe I was a mistake and lived my life afraid of making mistakes because of it.’

‘Why are you being so nice to me?’

‘We’re sisters, aren’t we?’

She inhales a shaky breath, and I can’t miss the sheen of tears that glisten in her eyes.

‘Can I get you a drink?’ She stands, ‘Jeez, I’m a bad hostess.’

‘Water would be great, thank you.’

As Jessie rushes across the open plan space to the kitchen, I take a good look around.

‘So, you and Marcus…’

‘It’s pretty new. It was casual for a while, but we’ve been getting way more serious, despite me almost fuckin’ it up. He’s wonderful. I can’t believe he’s willing to stay with me even after what I did to Doug.’ She places two glasses on the table and sits. ‘Don’t get me wrong—he scolded me worse than my parents ever did. Told me I need to quit playin’ games with people, but when I thought he was going to tell me we were done, that I was too immature, too petty for him, he told me he wanted me to movein, and he would help me get the help I needed to get through my issues.’

‘He sounds like a good man,’ I muse, and she smiles, and her whole face lights up.

‘He really is.’ She smiles softly, then meets my gaze, and her eyes are filled once more with trepidation. ‘I feel like you must have questions. I want to try to answer any that I can.’

I swallow as my pulse quickens. Asking the woman in front of me how much she knows about her dad raping my mum is not a conversation I could have ever imagined myself having, but this is my chance, so I’m taking it.

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