Page 1 of My Mistake To Make

Time To Take A Leap

Cara

‘See you later, Scotland.’ The woman in the seat next to me sing speaks in her American accent, so familiar to the one I haven’t heard in so long and I close my eyes for just a moment.

What am I doing?

Leaning my head back into the seat and gripping my fingers into the armrest, I watch the runway whizz past for a moment before the plane lifts from the ground leaving my stomach and maybe my sanity behind.

You’d better be with me, Mum, I think to myself. Something gave me the push to make this move to a place I’ve never been, where I know nobody; I have to believe it was her. I have to believe it was for a reason.

I’ll be in Dublin in an hour, then onto Chicago before my flight to Greenville-Spartanburg in South Carolina, and judging by her dulcet tones, I can’t help but surmise that my seat neighbor will be with me all the way.

‘Are you traveling to the States?’ I ask, earning a soft smile.

‘Yes, sweetie. I’m going home. How about you?’

‘Same, sort of. I’m moving to South Carolina.’ I grimace.

‘Oh, my goodness, that’s where I’m headed.’ She turns her body a little and places a hand over her heart. ‘For love or money?’

I shrug. ‘Neither, really. I just needed a change.’

‘Well, it’s a great place to start over. What are you going to do for work?’

‘I haven’t worked that part out yet. I have a house, though, so step one at a time, right?’

She narrows her gaze at me, then tilts her head a little sympathetically.

‘Honey—’ She raises up her arm and checks the time on her watch. ‘Assuming we won’t be sitting next to each other for the rest of our long journey, we have a little over an hour for me to help you put a plan in place. I’m all for your sense of adventure, but you can’t go running off to another country without knowing how you’re putting food on your brand-new table.’ I decide not to tell her I haven’t thought about furniture yet. ‘So, start at the beginning. Why is it you decided to pack up your life and cross an ocean for achange?’

I take a deep breath and blow it out, taking comfort in her voice and her warm, welcoming eyes. ‘Well, it was time to take a leap.’

Here Lies Cara Marie: Risk Averse

Cara

Five Months Ago

Did I put milkout for the cat? I wondered as I stared up at the ceiling. It wasn’t even my cat, but he always stopped by for alittle scratch behind his ears, and I always left him a wee drink and some tuna. I didn’t like the idea of him being hungry.

Was he even a he?

The familiar grunt in my ear pulled my attention back to Jamie, and I reached my hands up to his shoulders. Won’t be long now, I thought.

He drove harder into my body, burying his face into the crook of my neck, and I squeezed my eyes closed. There he went, one, two, three more thrusts, and he went limp, his body slumping on top of mine for a few moments. It was hard to breathe under the weight of him, but he’d get off me shortly. I’d wait.

‘Cara.’ Oh, this was new. He didn’t usually talk after. Normally he would just roll over and go to sleep. He pulled out of me and lifted up to look down. I forced a small smile. ‘I want to split up.’

The smile fell. I blinked up at him, my hands falling from his shoulders.

‘Oh.’ I managed, confused.

Jamie sat back on his heels, pulled the condom off, and threw it into the bin as he continued.

‘I just can’t deal with the predictability anymore. You play everything so safe all the time. I want to travel and explore the world.’ I opened my mouth to speak, and he held up a hand to stop me, the way he always did when I was about to say something that irritated him. ‘Withoutan itinerary.’ He shook his head. ‘You’re just so…’ He looked me up and down and came up with nothing, but the expression on his face said a lot. It’s the face he pulled whenever he didn’t like something, and he was using it onme. ‘I’m going to go. This is for the best.’

‘Okay.’ I felt vulnerable. He was splitting up with me and insulting me whilst sitting between my parted thighs. I sat up and pushed back on my bed, pulling my favorite vintage Guns N’ Roses t-shirt down, and my legs closed.

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