Page 33 of My Promise To Keep

‘It’s going to be fine, munch.’ The test stick was on the countertop behind us while we waited to look at it. Leo stepped close and put his hand on my hip. ‘I’ve got you, Zoe, always.’

The timer rang out on my phone, and the breath in my lungs rushed out.

‘Zo.’ Leo’s hand came up to my chin and tipped my face up to his, then leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my lips before he pulled back and turned over the stick.

‘You okay?’

Leo sat on the coffee table in front of me, and I nodded, yes. I was okay, wasn’t I?

‘We tried for four years, me and Luke. Did you know that?’ He nodded. ‘Four years and my period wasn’t ever even a day late.’

‘Zo,’

‘It’s okay. It is. This wouldn’t have been right — for me and you to have a baby together.’

The test was negative. I wasn’t pregnant, and I was trying so hard not to cry my heart out.

‘We need to talk about this.’

‘There’s nothing to talk about.’

‘Munch.’ I inhaled deeply and blew it out. ‘There is, we need to...’

‘Leo, let it go.’

My tone was sharp. I don’t know why. It hurt, and nothing had ever felt more ridiculous to me than that. I thought I was terrified of it being positive, but negative hurt so much.

‘Let what go?’

‘Us. This idea that we can be more than friends, have this casual sex thing going on, have babies together like it’s not a fuckin’ crazy idea. The promise you made him to take care of me. Let it go, let all of it go.’

‘What if I don’t want to?’

My shoulders sagged. ‘When it was negative, you blew out a breath and smiled. You were so relieved.’

‘Zo, I…’

‘It’s okay, that’s the right reaction, but I didn’t feel relieved. It reminded me how long I’ve wanted to be a mom. It reminded me that the man I wanted it all with isn’t here anymore.’ I sucked in a breath and shook my head as he stood and paced away from me.

‘That’s cold, Zoe.’

‘We want different things, Leo. You want hookups. I want something real.’

‘I can do real.’

‘No, you can’t, and you know you can’t. You don’t want a wife and kids and a house in the country. You want tattoo conventions and women who won’t ask for more.’

He shook his head and held his hands on his hips, then turned to face me.

‘Why do you always get to call the shots?’ I shrugged and opened my mouth to say something, but he continued. ‘I’m serious. You told me when it was time for me to come back here after he died, you kissed me then pushed me away, you fucked me then pushed me away,youseducedme, and nowthis. You show up here telling me you think you’re carrying my kid, and then you tell me what I want? What the fuck, Zo? You can’t keep doing this to me.’

My lips parted in surprise. Is that what I’d done?

‘A decade, munch. Ten fuckin’ years he’s been gone, and I’m still standing in his shadow because I can’t ever be him. He was perfect. I know that. Believe me, I know. I won’t ever be close to the man he was, but you act like I’m not ready for this,’ he gestured between us, ‘you push me away without giving me a chance to show you, to prove it to you. I can’t keep doing this dance with you.’

I swallowed hard.

‘What do you want, Zoe?’

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