Page 84 of Bad for You

“Do you know who I am? I’m your daughter. I’m Valentina, but that wasn’t the name you chose. It was a name given to me.”

I suddenly wonder what she would have named me if our circumstances were different.

“Why did you abandon me? What did I do?” I ask, my lower lip trembling. “Gianna told me what happened. You could have come back, but you left me to rot. Do you know the things…” I pause, composing myself. “Do you know the things they did to me? They were things no child should ever have to endure. This is your fault.”

Anger surpasses any emotion as I remember all the times I was forced to do things I never wanted to do.

“It hurt,” I whisper, a tear sliding down my cheek. “It hurt a lot. I was five years old when he took my virginity. I was a fucking baby! You were supposed to protect me, but you left me with him! Father Merry!”

Something happens when I say his name—a breath catches in my mother’s throat.

My own breath is heavy as I wait for something, anything. I wait for her to snap the hell out of this coma and give me the answers I deserve.

“Margarette!” I cry, a surge of anger coursing through me as I slap her cheek. “Wake the fuck up and own up to the shit you did!”

I slap her other cheek, blinded by rage.

She doesn’t have the right to switch off the things she did. No, I won’t let her.

“Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” I scream over and over, a slap to the cheeks following each word.

Her body is lax, but that doesn’t stop me from slapping her.

I hate her.

I fucking hate her.

“You’re nothing but a coward! You’ve hidden away all these years, not having to deal with the shit that you’ve done! I’m ashamed to be your daughter. But finally meeting you, I know I’m nothing like you. Perhaps I’m just like my father, then. And you know what, I’d rather be like him than be a pathetic coward like you.”

Yes, baby girl, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…give her what she deserves.

My father’s voice echoes in my head, louder this time.

I’m his daughter. He killed without remorse. He did so time and time again. I think back to when I killed that vile scum of the earth and how I felt absolutely nothing. Taking a life was easy,and when I look down at my mother, I realize I can do it again without a second thought.

I wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze hard. I expect her to jolt to life like a monster from a bad horror movie, but she simply lies still. She doesn’t fight, and a part of me wonders if she would if she could.

Perhaps she knows she deserves this. Maybe she knew it would always end this way. Poetic justice, really.

Her eyes are an empty hole, reflecting the empty vessel that is her soul. Just as I tighten my grip, I’m yanked off her by a pair of arms. Like a rabid dog being robbed of her meal, I kick and scream, adamant to finish the job because she doesn’t deserve to live.

She doesn’t deserve a single shred of compassion because, where was mine?

“Calm down, or we’ll have no choice but to call the police,” the orderly warns as he tightens his hold around me.

I laugh in his face. “And say what? She’s already a fucking corpse! Look at her! She doesn’t move! She can’t even fucking speak to me! She owes me an explanation!”

“She cut out her tongue. That’s why she can’t speak!” the orderly exclaims, shaking me still.

“What?”I ask, the fight in me dying.

“She clearly doesn’t want anyone to know the secrets she guards. Or maybe she knows what will happen if those secrets are ever told. You need to leave now and never come back.”

I suddenly feel like I’ve kicked a puppy. Disgust overcomes me.

The orderly slowly releases me, but he doesn’t have to worry—I’ll never be back. I will never get the answers I seek. It’s only me in this world, and no one will stand in my way.

I found my mother. She turned out to be a huge disappointment.

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