Page 92 of Once the Skies Fade

“Arenysen must be ruled by both a king and queen,” I said, trying to hide my bitterness over this law. “If I must find a king, why not make it fun?”

His eyes widened, genuine shock written plainly across his face. “You have an odd definition of the wordfun.”

“I thought warriors lived for danger and mayhem,” I challenged. “Or are you getting soft in your old age?”

Matthias’s laughter came out hollow and forced, then he lifted his glass and poured the last of his brandy into his mouth. “Mind if I get a refill?”

Of course I minded, but for some unknown reason, I waved my hand toward the bar in invitation. He nodded appreciatively before helping himself to my favorite brandy. Bastard was going to drink it all, and I didn’t know when I’d be able to get more.

“Don’t worry,” he said, looking back over his shoulder. “I won’t take it all.”

“It’s fine,” I bit out, and this earned me a dark laugh.

“I see that. Would you like another?” He held up the half-empty bottle, but I shook my head.

I couldn’t sit still anymore. Pushing to my feet, I walked over to the window and looked down at the forest’s canopy bathed in gold. I lowered my head to one side as I continued to stare out at a world that had lost all its luster when Brennan died. Why did I fight so hard to keep this kingdom? Why did I bother trying to hold onto my throne? It would be so much easier to just give up and let the Assembly select a new pair to rule.

Maybe I should have accepted another drink after all.

Pivoting on my heel, I spun around, expecting to find Matthias still at the bar or back in his seat. But he was standing directly behind me, nearly an arm’s length away. Startled, I retreated, my back hitting the window. My arms flew out to my sides to catch me, my palms smacking the glass hard.

I glowered at him. “You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that.”

A smirk pulled at one corner of his mouth. “Sure you don’t want it? It is yours after all.”

I gawked at him, realizing too late that he was referring to the brandy in his hand, the brandy he now lifted higher between us.

“No,” I said, dismissing his offer with another shake of my head. Pushing past him, I returned to my seat and folded my hands in my lap. “You need it more than I do anyway.”

He followed me to the sitting area, but remained standing. The corners of his mouth drooped down into a thoughtful frown and all amusement disappeared from his face as he peered down at me. “I beg to differ,” he said, his tone dripping with pity that lit a new fire in my blood.

I shrugged, attempting to appear casual, though my movements were probably too stiff to be convincing. “I’m not the one who got myself stabbed, poisoned, and nearly killed.”

A hint of laughter flashed briefly in his eyes.

“Known risks of your tournament, Killer,” he joked, but his expression darkened again almost instantly. “You, on the other hand, didn’t know you’d lose both your parents and your husband, and in such a short time too. That’s a lot to handle, even for someone as formidable as you.”

Why did he have to mention Brennan? Why remind me of all that I’d lost? Not that I could ever forget.

He lifted the glass toward me. “Take it,” he whispered.

A tidal wave of grief crashed into my sternum, threatening to drown me as it had that first week, but I refused to cave to it as I had then. I wouldn’t be bent to its will—not now, not with an audience.

Pulling my shoulders back and down, I lifted my chest as if to greet the pain. Tears started to gather in the corners of my eyes, and I silently cursed my stars-damned sentimental heart. I wanted to move on, not dwell on a future snuffed out by death.

Pressing my tongue high in my mouth, I slid my eyes closed. I would not cry in front of him. I dropped my chin to my shoulder, angling my face away from him and focusing on the steadiness of my breathing, counting my inhales and exhales until my thundering heart began to settle. My shadows licked at my palms, as if eager to help soothe me, but I urged them to rest, amazed when they listened and curled back into my veins. Jocelyn’s remedy worked wondrously, but it was still unsettling to have my powers obey my will so easily.

I had almost calmed myself completely when a warm, rough hand slipped over mine. I froze, my breath snagging on my next inhale as that comforting woodsy scent swarmed my senses. Snapping my eyes open, I slowly turned to find Matthias crouched in front of me. His hazel eyes held mine, and I couldn’t look away no matter how much I wanted to, like he had captured me in an invisible embrace. Slowly, his thumb brushed over the back of my hand, and as if coaxed out by the movement, myshadows appeared, washing over my skin and up over his hand. He didn’t seem to notice as he still stared at me with a curious mix of regret and compassion.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It was?—”

“Fine, it’s fine,” I choked out, my voice weak and broken. I waited for him to comment on how not fine I clearly appeared, but he didn’t.

“No, it’s not.” He lifted his hand to my face, his fingers trailing along my jawline and sending ripples of prickly warmth through me.

I cleared my throat, trying to keep myself from leaning into his touch. “You weren’t wrong, though. I’ve lost my entire family.” My voice cracked embarrassingly, but I still couldn’t pull my gaze away.

His thumb brushed over my cheek. “And now you’re forced to replace them. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?”

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