Page 54 of Once the Skies Fade

I slammed my eyes closed against the damned memory, but the scene played out in my head regardless.

Brennan, collapsed on the balcony. Me, screaming for help. His final gasp, and his body going still.

Brennan had been an unexpected blessing. He had brought laughter and joy into my once lonely life, and he had steadied me after my parents’ death. But who would help me now that he was gone? Isa tried to, but she had a kingdom to protect. She couldn’t spend all of her time soothing my pain. And the thought of having a new husband—one of these males—attempt to fill the hole Brennan’s death had left behind…

I can’t.

You have to.

Or you lose the throne, your home.

My shadows licked at my palms, trailing to my fingertips as I ambled blindly through the room. I couldn’t release my magic here, couldn’t cause a scene and give the Assembly reason to act against me, but my magic was feeding off my panic, preparing to wrap me in a protective shield. I fisted my hands into the fabricof my dress, but it didn’t help. Even through my foggy vision, I could see wisps of my dark magic dancing over the red chiffon.

No, they would see, they would talk, and I couldn’t deal with any more rumors.

Clasping my hands together in front of me, I silently begged my magic to stop, as if it was an entity unto itself and not knit into my very being. Some part of me—some small, but terrified part of me—was calling my shadows out, and I didn’t know how to stop it. I needed to breathe, to calm, to figure out some way to gain control.

Somewhere in the distance Isa called my name, calm and soothing even through the muddled haze of my panic. Music swelled around me, blocking out her voice as I spun around to find her. But someone else caught me. A hand pressed against my lower back, guiding me around. Their other hand cradled mine, and that sweet scent of leather and wood caressed my senses.

“Easy there, Killer. I’ve got you.”

Matthias’s voice, a thick whisper that warmed my ear, coaxed me out of the darkness, bringing the world back into focus. My shadows retreated into my palms—one wrapped in his, the other resting on his arm—and I closed my eyes, hating myself for allowing him to hold me, but more so for not wanting to let go.

Chapter 26

Matthias

What in the stars-damned fuck am I doing?

One moment I was having a conversation with the queen—or trying to—and the next I was dancing with her in front of the entire Assembly and all of my competition. What else was I to do though, when she had suddenly spooked for the second time today, that same look of horrified shock flashing in her eyes? At least this time I’d been able to catch her before her shadows could expand fully.

I was now all-too-aware of our audience as I guided Calla in slow circles around the ballroom to the musicians’ romantic melody. She kept her face tucked close to my chin, and while she said nothing, her pulse slowed against my chest, her breaths deepening with each step. Letting everything in my periphery disappear, I tried to ignore the way her hair smelled of the sweet berries Mrs. Bishop used in her tarts and the violets my sister grew in her garden, but the scents summoned memories against my will. Instinctively I pulled her closer still, as if I needed to wrap myself in that comforting warmth of home.

No sooner had I done that, though, than Calla stiffened in my arms, effectively snapping me back to the present and to the task at hand.

It’s just a game.

I’m just playing a role, doing my job.

Nothing more.

Stopping abruptly, I pulled away and released her. Our eyes met, and for a couple breaths I studied her expression that seemed an odd mix of shock and confusion and…was that guilt?

I’d seen that same look of self-loathing in Connor’s face enough times to recognize it now in Calla. Not that this proved anything, of course. Grief was a bitch in that regard, causing us to carry responsibility whether it was warranted or not. Bowing slightly toward her, I lifted her hand to my lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. A hint of a gasp lifted her chest, and normally I would have smirked with pride for having such an effect on someone, but this was no ordinary female.

I caught her eye once more and offered a thin smile, which—as expected—she did not return.

“Thanks for the dance, Killer,” I whispered before pivoting and passing a rather flustered Graham as I walked away.

The nickname had been a risk the first time I’d used it, but to utter it again…what the fuck was I thinking?

Running my hand across the back of my neck, I stalked over to the buffet table, grabbed two of those macaron things, and popped one in my mouth. I turned to head back to my seat, and ran straight into General Isa.

“Excuse—”

“Thank you,” she said quietly, gesturing discreetly for me to follow her back to the desserts. Keeping her head low, she proceeded to place a few confections on a plate as she spoke. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“All due respect, general, yes, I did,” I said, taking this opportunity to select another macaron.

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