Page 20 of Once the Skies Fade

Her words should have soothed the burned edges of my heart, but something within me recoiled at the comfort, like I deserved to wallow in this pain and misery. Drawing in a deep breath, I lifted my chin and repeated, “I’ll stay in my own room.”

I pivoted away from her and stepped toward the castle door. It opened before I could even lift my hand, and my heart jolted at the sight of Graham. While he was a fae around my age—born just before the war—he looked a bit older than me. His dark hairwas graying slightly at his temples, matching the flecks of light gray that dotted his dark-brown eyes.

We had known each other since we were quite young, when he and his mother lived near my family during the war. Unfortunately Graham’s mother had died shortly after the treaty was signed and the nations split, and my father insisted on taking him in as one of our royal staff. Over the years his great prowess in politics and history earned him a place as one of my father’s trusted advisors, and now mine.

Graham eyed me with the same warm and worried gaze he’d worn since my parents hadn’t returned from Dolobare. His sympathy had only grown more tiresome with Brennan’s death, but I tried to be grateful for his compassion and help. His and Isa’s.

Isa now spoke from behind me. “She’ll be sleeping in her own room after all.”

“And a bath please,” I requested flatly. Graham’s eyes widened slightly, flicking to Isa briefly. “Yes, Graham, I’ve found my voice.”

“Thank the stars for that,” he said, but the lightness in his tone didn’t ease his intense stare. “I hate to drop this on you right now, but in addition to the latest shipment orders needing your signature, the Assembly has been eagerly awaiting your return, and there are a number of citizens needing to speak to you today as well. I’ve already delayed both groups for as long as I’m comfortable doing.”

A sigh fell to my feet, pulling my shoulders down with it. As much as I needed to get back to work, it could at least wait until I had washed off the road’s grime and soothed my poor muscles. Silently, I pushed past Graham and made my way for the grand staircase. He and Isa followed close behind. Though I couldn’t escape them or the demands of my station, I needed a moment to think, to soak my weary bones and decide on a pathforward––especially with regard to the information Minerva had divulged. Refusing to focus on the portrait of Brennan and me from our wedding that hung at the top of the stairs, I flicked my hand toward it as I walked past. “Have this taken down, please.”

At the door to my room, I paused and quickly spun to face my two friends, lifting my palms toward them as if placating obnoxiously needy children. “It’s been a long, difficult few days?—”

“We could send for Hilde?” Graham recommended, but I shook my head.

“No, thank you. I don’t need anyone to fix my emotions,” I insisted. “I’m going to sleep, take a bath, and maybe eat some breakfast before I speak to anyone else. Understood?”

They each nodded as I turned away and retreated inside.

Slumping back against the door, I closed my eyes and pulled my hands into fists. The silence in the room seemed to smother me with the reminder that, even though I still had Isa and Graham, I was alone—no husband, no family. Uncurling my aching fingers, I summoned my shadows and recalled the words of Minerva. My power itself wasn’t evil; it couldn’t darken my heart unless I allowed it to. There was no shame in using it, if I needed––and I needed it now.

Everything in this room held hints of Brennan. Some of his clothes still hung in the wardrobe. A pair of his boots still sat by the sofa. His scent—like smooth leather basking in the sun as it dried up the last of a spring rain—still filled the room. So often I had nuzzled against his neck, wishing I could stay wrapped in his comforting scent forever, and now I couldn’t escape it as it enveloped me, threatening to pull me back under the waves of grief.

At least my shadows could help hide the physical signs that he’d lived here with me—just until I could have my handmaid,Louisa, clear them away. My shadows spiraled from my palms and swirled through the air, covering the pieces of Brennan that remained behind. Slowly I closed my fingers once more, testing to make sure the shadows held fast and exhaling quickly when they did. After scrawling a note for the handmaid and leaving it on the entry table, I kicked my shoes off and glided to our bedroom.

I could have slept on the sofa, but my sore body urged me toward the more comfortable bed. Tears pricked my eyes as I pulled back the blankets and climbed in, not bothering to undress.

Chapter 10

Matthias

The autumn thunderstorms had wreaked havoc on the army’s training ground, leaving it a muddy mess as it did every year. My boots squelched sickeningly in the sticky slop as I paced down the line of soldiers practicing their sword drills. Not that I hated mud, but having it squishing and slipping beneath my feet brought back difficult memories of the carnage we’d endured—and inflicted—during the War of Hearts. So many battles fought. And so many warriors fallen. On both sides.

The real cruelty was how easily our minds could forget the good bits of our past—a friend’s laugh, a female’s touch, a parent’s embrace—while being tormented by all of the painful parts. Though some minds were better adept at handling this wicked dichotomy, others cracked under the weight of those memories, unable to escape the past and doomed to be haunted by their trauma. I had watched so many of our own walk away from service, and I had spent every year since the war ended trying to rebuild our numbers to their former glory.

We were finally—nearly—there.

“They’re looking good, general,” a deep voice rumbled behind me, and I wheeled around to find the last fae I expected to see here, standing in the muck twenty meters away—the king.

“Indeed, Your Majesty,” I said, tipping my chin down slightly. The king closed the distance between us, not seeming at all bothered by how his riding boots sank into the mud with each step. I couldn’t remember the last time he had ventured out here to visit his troops. Had it really been since the war ended?

“To what do we owe this honor?” I asked.

King Nevan didn’t answer, just pivoted so that we stood shoulder-to-shoulder to face the soldiers who, to their credit, had continued sparring despite his arrival. Focusing my attention on the pair training directly in front of us, I clasped my hands behind my back and waited patiently for his response.

“It gets boring in the palace,” he said.

I huffed out a laugh. “Retirement not suiting you, Your Majesty?”

The king waved away my words with a flick of his fingers. “Save that title for my son, Matthias.”

“All due respect, Your Majesty, you’re still the king.”

A smirk crept across the older fae’s lips. “Then do as I say and call me what I wish.”

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