Page 125 of Once the Skies Fade

His face tightened in confusion. “No.”

“What do you meanno?” I pinched my lips together and tried to calm my anger.

“That’s not what you want.”

“Well, I certainly don’t wantyou, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

This earned me a hint of a smirk. “Seems to be what you’re thinking of, Killer. But no.” His expression sobered. “That’s not where I was going.”

“So…what then?”

“You want to know what you should do with those women. What you should do with me, even.”

Ignoring how he was annoyingly right, I scoffed unconvincingly. “Why would I ask you for advice when you’re the reason I’m in this fucking mess to begin with?”

“Actually, you’re the reason. If you never banished the humans, you wouldn’t?—”

“They’re the ones who refused to obey the law!” I shouted at him.

“And what does that law achieve, Calla? How does it help you?” he asked, his hazel eyes penetrating the invisible shield I wanted to keep between us. When I didn’t answer, he repeated his question from before. “What did the humans do to you?”

I knew Minerva’s magic would prevent me from explaining, but still, I opened my mouth to answer him. As expected, silence. No matter how hard I tried to push the words out, they snagged somewhere in my throat. Growling, I threw my hands up in the air and spun around.

“You can’t say it, can you?” Matthias asked, his voice surprisingly gentle, more understanding than I deserved. I dropped my chin to my chest. Fucking mage. Her spell wouldn’t even let me confirm his suspicions. Perhaps I could find a way around it, but I was simply too tired to bother. No one would believe me anyway. Even if I could tell them.

Matthias sighed heavily. “Let them go, Calla. You don’t want to kill anyone else. This isn’t you.”

I rounded on him, closing the distance between us in half a breath. I sneered, pouring all my frustration and anger out on him. “You think you know me, general.”

“I do,” he whispered, his eyes showing no fear, not even uneasiness.

“Just because I let you fuck me, doesn’t mean?—”

“Let me?” he asked, barking out a laugh. “Youwere the one who begged me, afteryoucame to my room…twice.”

Fuck-it-all, he wasn’t wrong. I couldn’t deny it either, and there was no reason to.

Drawing in a slow, calming breath, I asked through my teeth, “Why should I let them go?”

“Because Lieke is still your sister-in-law, and Raven is her cousin.”

“That connection died with Brennan,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady as I uttered his name.

“Lieke doesn’t see it that way.”

I rolled my eyes, my patience wearing thin. I should have just left, but I couldn’t. “And what about the other?”

“My sister.”

“And why should I care about your family?”

“Because you care about me,” he said. His tone was gentle, but still his statement hit me like a bolt to the chest. I froze, trying to find the words I needed to refute it, but before I could, he continued. “You can keep pretending you don’t care about me at all. That’s fine. I’ll play along with that for as long as you need me to, but these women shouldn’t pay the price just because you’re too proud to admit?—”

“Admit what?” I slammed my hands against his chest, my fingers instinctively curling into him, grasping his shirt in my fists. The words tumbled out, slipping past the crumbling guard around my heart. “Admit I can’t control this need to be near you? That I can’t seem to escape this fucking hold you have on me? Or admit that I hate myself for having feelings for you?”

Tears crowded the edges of my eyes, but I couldn’t seem to let go of him to wipe them away. My husband’s body was barely cold in the ground, and I was here holding on to another male as if he could keep me from drowning in my grief.

A smile started to tug at Matthias’s lips, but he hid it quickly. “I was going to say you’re too proud to admit that you’re wrong, but…” He paused, his hazel eyes searching mine, as if he could actually see my cracked heart and darkened soul. “I don’t understand this at all.”

---