Page 12 of Once the Skies Fade

What was wrong with me?

Shouldn’t it be comforting to know others missed him?

Shouldn’t I find some solace in knowing I wasn’t alone in this?

Instead, Lieke’s mourning exacerbated mine, amplified it so much I feared my sorrow would burst from me—in what form,I didn’t know, and I could not risk exposing my dark powers. Especially not here.

Isa stepped closer once more and cleared her throat. “Why don’t you go inside, Your Majesty, and get settled. I’ll see to everything out here.”

“Of course,” Lieke rasped. “We didn’t expect you to arrive quite so early, or Connor and the king would have been out here to greet you. They’re inside making the final preparations with the staff.”

All I could manage was a nod as I avoided Lieke’s sympathetic stare and focused on the palace entrance straight ahead. I didn’t want her pityI just wanted to bury my husband so I could go home.

Like a ghost of my former self, I drifted behind Isa and Lieke as they led the way to my room. If only the numbness I displayed could penetrate my fractured heart and shield me from the painful memories that bombarded me with every step. I tried to force my vision to blur, but that only helped so much. Brennan’s memory lived on in these halls, and it took so much energy to keep the tears at bay as my mind ruthlessly recalled his stories of mischief and mayhem.

When Lieke stopped and opened the door to Brennan’s former suite, a fresh ache sparked in my chest. Isa, taking one look at my face, stepped forward to speak quietly to my sister-in-law, but I touched her on the shoulder.

“It’s okay, Isa. I can stay here,” I said, weakly, curling my fingers into my palms to keep my shadows contained.

Lieke’s face paled, her eyes widening with embarrassment. “Oh, no. I should have asked first. I just thought of what Iwould want, and I forgot…I’m sorry…” Hurriedly—and ignoring my words—she closed the door. “I will have the staff move your things to one of the guest rooms. It will only take them a bit, but I’m sure you would like to relax after your long trip.”

I could do nothing but stare blankly at her well-meaning smile, and Isa had to respond for me.

“Thank you, Your Highness. Is there a quiet place where Her Majesty could relax undisturbed?”

“Of course, I know just the place,” Lieke said. “It was one of?—”

She cut herself short, her complexion now reddening as she realized she’d been about to mention Brennan’s name. Is this what my life was to be going forward? Everyone tiptoeing around me, afraid to even say his name?

While Isa went off with Lieke to work out the details for our visit and help with any final arrangements, I sat on a worn window cushion staring down at the grounds where I had once laughed and danced and even helped Lieke prepare for her wedding among the trees.

A knock penetrated the silence, the door opening before I could answer.

King Durand stepped in, no longer the formidable male who had once ruled over his sons with an iron fist and barbed words. He said nothing as he approached, his head bowed low and hands clasped tightly before him. While Lieke and Connor’s marriage—and underlying mating bond—had transformed the former tyrant into the doting father he must have been back when his wife was still alive, Brennan’s death had clearly taken a toll on the male. Gone was the jovial smile that had alwaysgreeted me, and when he finally lifted his face to look at me, the spark of humor and joy that had so reminded me of Brennan’s was nowhere to be seen. As if it had died along with his son.

“I’m so sorry, Calla,” the king said, the words tear-logged and broken.

I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t nod or frown or cry or even turn away.

All I could do was stare at this male who resembled my dead husband in the curve of his nose and the crisp line of his jaw and the sharp arc in one of his brows.

King Durand cleared his throat awkwardly, turning his gaze past me to peer out the window as he spoke. “Thank you for allowing us to lay him to rest beside his mother. I know how hard this is, and I hope you know we are all here for you—even if what you need from us is nothing but space.”

This time I managed at least a small dip of my chin, and thankfully he didn’t reach out for an embrace or anything like that, but rather simply turned and headed for the door. Pausing there, he looked back over his shoulder at me.

“You’re more than welcome to join us for meals while here, but I understand if you would rather eat alone.”

I should have thanked him, but I couldn’t find my voice before he slipped out the door.

I sat at that window—unmoving, unthinking, unfeeling—until Isa came to retrieve me, insisting I needed to try to eat. Nodding, I pushed to my feet and paused when worry clouded her expression.

“Not speaking again?” she asked, her words reigniting my guilt, but even so I could only hide behind my blank exterior.

Unfortunately, the route to our rooms took us past Connor’s office, its partially open door making it impossible not to overhear the conversation within. Isa tried to keep me moving, but I planted my feet.

“I don’t know how to help her,” Lieke said.

---