Page 114 of Once the Skies Fade

But the closer we edged toward our shared bliss, the more our bodies melded into one, and the more my doubt grew.

This was more. This was everything. This wasimpossible.

This couldn’t happen.

I didn’t want connection.

I didn’t wantlove.

I wanted distraction.

Just this one last time.

This had to be the last time.

I opened my eyes to find him watching me intently, as if he were trying to hear the thoughts roaring in my head. He slowed his movements, his eyes searching mine.

“Should I stop?” he asked, brushing my hair away from my forehead.

Yes. No. Fuck, I don’t know.

I shook my head and gripped his hips to pull him closer, determined to not let him see me break down. As he picked up the pace once more, his eyes dropped to my mouth. He drew closer, bringing his lips dangerously close to mine, and I panicked, turning my head away so that his kiss landed on myjaw. If he noticed my objection to being kissed, he didn’t show it—pressing his lips under my ear in a feverish trail down my neck.

Biting down on Matthias’s shoulder, I channeled all my fear and worry into my hips as they rolled madly beneath him, torn between wanting to finish so I could run away and never wanting it to end. When we finally collapsed into a heap of satisfied breaths and trembling bodies, I pushed him off me and sat up.

What had I done? What was I to do now?

I couldn’t risk my heart to another, and I’d been a stars-damned fool to think this wouldn’t have consequences.

Matthias lifted himself onto his elbow, his hazel eyes following me as I pushed to my feet, lacing up my bodice and smoothing down my dress as I turned to leave.

“Leaving so soon?” he asked.

Peering back over my shoulder at him—hating how he looked at me as if he’d risk the whole world to please me, and hating my fractured heart more for delighting in it—I narrowed my eyes.

“I didn’t peg you as the cuddling type,” I said. I resumed my retreat, but I wasn’t fast enough.

My hand barely touched the door handle when he spoke again.

“Calla.”

I stilled at his use of my name, but I refused to turn.

“What?” I asked, the word more clipped than I intended.

I could feel his gaze burning into my back as I waited for him to say something, hoping he wouldn’t chase after me as he had the other night. For a long moment, the only sound in the room was our heartbeats—mine still quickened, his slowing steadily. Irritated by his silence, I called my shadows out to conceal me as I turned the handle. Only when I pulled the door open did he finally offer a hollow “goodnight.”

Chapter 50

Matthias

Isat there for an embarrassingly long time, staring at my door, picking apart what had just happened. The confident strength Calla had initially shown, even when she yielded control to me, had gradually faded, and I couldn’t figure out why.

It had been good—no—it had been stars-damned perfect.

Maybe that was the problem.

Calla needed a distraction, something empty and frivolous. Whatever this was between us may have started out as that, but somewhere in the midst of it all, something had shifted. I’d seen it in her eyes. I’d felt it in my own veins. This wasn’t some casual fuck with some pub owner. This was… fuck, I didn’t know what it was. All I knew was this was going to complicate everything.

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