Page 107 of Once the Skies Fade

I might have done just that had the handle on his door not started to turn, snapping me out of my lust-filled thoughts. Pushing away from the wall, I fled down the hallway and around the corner before he could find me. I didn’t stop running until I was back in my room. Slamming the door behind me, I collapsed against it and dropped down to sit on the floor.

“Where have you been?” Isa’s harsh tone startled me. She stood in the middle of my living area, arms crossed, eyes blazing with bitter worry.

Shrugging, I leaned my head back against the door, but all I could do was smile like an idiot.

“You were with Matthias,” she said, as if she could read it on my face. My smile vanished. “Oh, don’t act so shocked. I can smell him all over you, Calla. And if I can, everyone else will, too. What in the stars-damned fuck were you thinking?”

I knew how risky it had been. I didn’t need a lecture. My gut writhed angrily, and I pushed to my feet. Stalking toward my friend, I crossed my arms at my chest and glowered at her, but before I could say anything, she was speaking again.

“I get it. I do. I know you’re stressed, but?—”

“I’m notjuststressed, Isa. I’m angry. I’m tired. And I’m lonely. So yes, I needed one little distraction. One that won’t be repeated.”

She angled her head and eyed me suspiciously. “It better not. Though from the look on your face, he won’t be easy to let go of.”

I gave her a half-hearted smile. “It was just a bit of fun. Nothing serious.”

“For now, perhaps, but what happens if you fall for him? Or he for you? Your vow to honor this tournament’s outcome still holds. He may be tied for the lead right now, but there’s no guarantee how he will score in the next trials.”

“Isa, it will take more than a skillful tongue to win over my scarred heart.”

She didn’t seem to believe me, and if I was being honest, I was a bit skeptical myself. Something about that male had woken part of me I thought I’d lost forever, the part that felt capable and strong.

“Well, it’s been a long day,” Isa said, unfolding her arms and wrapping me in a hug. Pushing me back, she held me at arm’s length and shot me a motherly look. “Now, go wash his scent off of you and get some rest.”

She’d made it halfway to the door when she paused and pivoted around slightly.

“One more thing. Can we please be more careful about strangling the staff? Hilde went to the healers after you attacked her.”

“I didn’t attack her.” Isa’s brows lifted high. “I reprimanded her for her insolence.”

“With your shadows.”

I scoffed.

“Must I remind you that the rumor isn’t just that you killed Brennan, but that you suffocated him with your shadows, just as you did to Korben and nearly did to Hilde. The Assembly will undoubtedly hear of it, and I can only protect you so much.”

“Wasn’t the tonic supposed to help?—”

“It only helps calm your power’s response to your emotions; it doesn’t keepyoufrom using them. You are still responsible for what you do, Calla, with or without that tonic.”

Accepting that night as a singular encounter was easier said than done. As a precaution, I resorted to avoiding him for thenext two days, but I couldn’t escape the memories that flooded my dreams each night. Without fail, every time I lay down and closed my eyes, he was there, and every morning I woke up with fresh guilt.

Unfortunately, there was no avoiding him when the Assembly, in their infinite wisdom, requested another group meal so they could get better acquainted with the final four males. Unlike our welcome dinner, this was to be held in our smaller dining room where my family had taken our meals together. I tried not to think about it, but my stomach was in uneasy knots the entire day while I hid in my room. As I sipped on Jocelyn’s tea, though, I found my confidence growing. I just needed to make it through one meal without anyone discovering what had happened between Matthias and me.

I waited until the last minute to head downstairs; the less time spent with him the better. Pausing outside the door, I closed my eyes and listened to the voices on the other side. Slowly I counted my breaths, willing my nerves to calm. I was so focused on my breathing and the sound of my own pulse, I didn’t notice a second heartbeat approaching until it was too late.

“There’s my Killer.”

His voice caused heat to bloom in my core, and I stiffened, my mind immediately replaying the last time he had been behind me. A small part of me wanted to pretend that I hadn’t heard him and just enter the dining room, but that would only let him believe he had some kind of power over me. I couldn’t have that.

Turning slowly, I donned a casual expression and lifted my chin as I greeted him, ignoring how he’d called me his. “Late again, general?”

Matthias’s lips curved down into that frown of his, and curiosity flashed in his hazel eyes. “Not yet. But if you’d like tomake me late, I don’t mind having my first course somewhere more private.”

His gaze slid down my body suggestively, and I had to clasp my hands together behind my back to keep my shadows from slipping out, as if they, too, longed to feel him again. I dropped my chin, noticing how he was already growing hard, which flared my desire higher.

No, I couldn’t have him again. But, my mind—my traitorous, whore of a mind—insisted on wondering how it would feel to have him inside me.

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