Page 138 of Until the Stars Fall

But he never did.

Instead, he simply muttered, “None of it matters.”

I wanted to close the distance between us, to take his face in my hands and tell him exactly how I felt. How my world was empty when he wasn’t around. How my life lost all meaning without him beside me. How I couldn’t bear another minute apart.

But I couldn’t.

Telling him any of that would guarantee his death. Or his brother’s.

We couldn’t fight the rebels. We couldn’t stop them. And I couldn’t be with him.

I had no choice but to do as they demanded, and Connor had just handed me a way to do that.

“Brennan can’t marry Calla,” I choked out, trying to reassure myself this was for the best. This was what had to be done.

“So I’m right. You still want him?” Connor whispered, watching me.

I nodded once, unable to utter the lie aloud.

He cleared his throat, shrugging his shoulders as if to avoid someone’s unwanted touch. “He’s never been there for you, and you’d still choose him.”

“I—”

“He juststoodthere as you were sentenced to death!” he said, sending each barbed word straight at my heart. His chin dropped in defeat as he muttered, “Fine.”

For a long moment I stood there, unable to speak, biting my lip to keep it from quivering.

Finally, he broke the silence. “You should know—” he started. But then he pressed his lips together into a tight line and closed his eyes, shaking his head, as if reconsidering what he had been about to say.

“What?” I asked.

When he opened his eyes, he stared at the floor and nodded toward the door, muttering, “You should go.”

I hesitated, fighting the urge to run to him and tell him it was all a lie, that I only wantedhim, but Anna’s warning echoed in my head again, reminding me why I couldn’t.

So without a word, I turned to leave, certain he could hear my heart shattering as I walked away.

CHAPTER 71

Connor

It was better this way—better she didn’t know our hearts were bound by the stars.

Especially when she still wanted to give hers to Brennan.

The prick.

But if that asshole would make her happy, then I could shoulder the pain and loneliness of our bond alone.

Yes, this was better.

Betterfelt like shit.

I couldn’t sit here in the dirt all night, but I couldn’t go back to the damned palace yet either. I glanced at the ceiling, to where Matthias’s apartment was situated on the second floor. With the recent influx of new soldiers, his visits would keep him out late, affording me enough time to hide out there until I could stomach going back.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the spare key to his rooms. He’d given it to me for emergencies, and this felt like a stars-damned emergency to me.

Once inside, I grabbed a bottle from the table under the window, not caring what it was. Ignoring the clean, empty glasses, I unstopped it and tipped it up to my lips. It burned my throat and settled in my stomach like liquid fire, mixing with all my pain and jealousy and worry over Lieke. After several long draughts, though, it began to numb everything.

---