Page 116 of Until the Stars Fall

But then it changed into one of clear concern, and she asked, “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

I frowned at her briefly before planting another kiss on her forehead. “Go to sleep, Sapphire,” I said, rolling onto my back once more and closing my eyes.

CHAPTER 56

Lieke

As I lay there on my blankets, I stared up into the forest’s blackness. It was so dark I couldn’t even see the leaves and branches that blocked the moon from view. To my right, Connor rested with his back to me, his breathing slow and even. At least one of us could sleep. I had scooted as close to him as I dared in an effort to keep warm, but it only helped with half of my body. Even though I was under my blanket, my left side shivered.

Just roll over.You’re sleeping like this for warmth, aren’t you? So use him!

I had been arguing with myself for the better part of the last hour—or however long had passed since we’d settled in for the night. It was difficult to assess time, with nothing but the forest surrounding us. Slowly I turned my head toward him. Maybe he wouldn’t notice if I curled up against him.

You shouldn’t care if he does.This was his idea, remember?

My body trembled from the cold, as if it was pleading with me to get over my discomfort. Part of me wished he’d chosen to shift into his hound form. For all my teasing about getting a fae blanket for the night, I’d been nervous to lie next to him like this. Every little comment, every damned smile of his—stars, even every growl and scowl and roll of his eyes—made my heart flutter.

Fuck it.

I pushed myself to roll onto my right side. Curling into him with my hands tucked to my chest, I nestled my face close and breathed in the scent of cedar and spice. I shivered against him—not from the cold this time, but from my stupid, fickle heart. Why did I always have to want someone I couldn’t have?

Just sleep, Lieke,I told myself. Before I could force myself to relax, though, Connor was moving, and I froze.

Slowly he rolled himself over until he was facing me. His eyes remained closed as his hand slid to my waist and down my hip where it stilled, sending a wave of heat over my skin. My heart pounded in my ears as I tried to figure out what to do.

“You should sleep,” he whispered, though he appeared to still be asleep himself.

I didn’t say anything, didn’t move, didn’t even let myself take full breaths as my mind conjured up images of things I wanted to do with him—things I shouldn’t want to do. Heat pooled in my core, and against my better judgment, I inched even closer to him.

Connor didn’t retreat but asked quietly, “What are you doing?”

I answered him by slowly unfolding my hands—still clasped between us—and pressing one lightly to his chest. His heartbeat quickened under my touch. When he still didn’t pull away, I risked nuzzling my forehead against his jaw, as if I were merely trying to get comfortable, ready to complain about being cold if he protested.

Instead his fingers began lazily stroking my hip, igniting more flames within me. What was I thinking? What could I possibly hope to have happen here, tonight, with his guards so close?

But I didn’t stop him.

“Connor?” I whispered, half-hoping he wouldn’t answer, not sure I could actually ask the question that had been plaguing me for days.

“Yes, Sapphire?” he said, continuing his light caresses.

I swallowed hard. It was just a question. Mrs. Bishop always said there were no stupid questions. But then I doubted she’d ever found herself in a predicament such as mine.

“What is it?” he asked, angling his chin down so that his breath tickled my forehead.

“Do you—” I started, but panic closed my throat, cutting off my words. This was absurd. It was only a question, and he didn’t have to answer it. Pulling in a deep, warm breath—letting the comforting scent of his cologne relax me—I tried again. “Do you ever wish this was real? That we were really…?”

I couldn’t finish the thought, my embarrassment getting the better of me. Slowly he let his hand fall to the small of my back, and my breath hitched when he pulled me to him. An ache pulsed between my legs, but I desperately tried to ignore it.

Connor inhaled slowly and whispered against my hair, “Sometimes.”

“What would you do?”

“If this was real?” he asked. I nodded, and his fingers found their way back to my hip, where they curled into the fabric of my skirt. “I’d ask why you’re wearing so much right now.” His whisper was rough with desire, and fire danced beneath my skin.

I couldn’t help but roll my hip against him slowly, as if pleading with him to do whatever he wanted with me, not caring where we were or who we were with. But it was wrong. We weren’t together. We weren’t in love. Except my heart seemed to be cracking under the weight of that truth, just as it had every time I’d remembered that I could never be with Brennan.

I was over Brennan.

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