Page 24 of My Orc in Uniform

Last night, I’d acted like a teenager. I’d let a guy shove his hands down my panties and kiss me underneath the bleachers. What had I been thinking?

You were thinking you wanted a bit of fun.

Well, yeah, but…

Propping my shovel under my arm, I pressed my palms to my cheeks, delayed embarrassment finally setting in. Oh God, what if someone had heard me? What if everyoneknewI’d been with Simbel? We were co-workers, and everyone wouldknow.

So what? He basically announced you two were dating. No one is going to blame you for going off together.

No, that wasn’t it. I was amom, for fuck’s sake. I had to be responsible and mature. I had to set an example for Patrick and his friends! Here I was, angry that those boys were going off and doing stupid stuff, andIwas doing stupid stuff. What if we’d been caught?

With a groan, I dropped my chin to my chest.

The last time I’d felt like this…

The last time I’d felt like this, Ihadbeen a stupid teenager.

I’d let David touch me, and I’d touched him back. I’d been reckless and foolhardy, and I’d ended up pregnant.

I forced my breathing to slow as I glanced at Patrick. I never regretted having him or raising him, but no matter how much I loved him, I could admit that it had been stupid to create him in the first place, especially with his father being commitment averse.

Can you imagine being married to David all these years?

The snort slipped out before I could stop it. No, no I couldn’t. David wasn’t a good guy, wasn’t a good partner. It had been a struggle to raise Patrick alone, but I never regretted that decision.

But now…

I winced, watching Simbel throw his head back with laughter, then sling one arm around Patrick’s shoulders. I saw the way my son beamed up at the man who was stealing my heart, and realized that Patrick might be falling for Simbel too.

But was that smart?

We were fine on our own, weren’t we?

I’d done fine all these years, keeping mywildertendencies locked up. Simbel…released them. Being with him was fun, yeah, but was that smart? Wasn’t it better to keep my head down and focus on Patrick’s future, instead of making out with a co-worker under the bleachers?

The last time that happened, the last time I allowed myself to run wild, I wound up pregnant and alone.

Could my heart take it again?

No.

But…

I scrubbed my hand over my face.

I liked Simbel. Really liked him. I even liked the person I was when I was with him, although I was afraid that person was going to get into trouble again. The smart thing to do would be to break it off with him, but…

I wanted him. I wanted to keep seeing him. I wanted to keep laughing with him. Idefinitelywanted to keep kissing him. I was addicted to Simbel, and was afraid he was like a rollercoaster ride I wanted to just keep taking and taking, even though I knew it was dangerous.

But watching him and Patrick laughing together, I wondered how dangerous this ride could be.

He could fuck you, dump you, move away, and leave youandyour kid broken-hearted.

Oh yeah, there was that.

Would he, though? He was a good guy, not like David. He obviously cared about Patrick, and I think he cared about me too. I definitely cared about him. So was this just my own stupid issues getting in the way?

Of course it was.

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