Page 94 of That One Moment

Jamie:I’ll be home soon.

That’s the last message I got from him over four hours ago. Four hours in which I’ve been stuck in this frustrating limbo between wanting him to leave me alone and being desperate to feel his arms around me.

He never said where he was going, but I have a pretty good idea, and the selfish part of me feels relieved. That doesn’t stop the guilt from creeping in. Without saying as much, I gave Jamie an ultimatum - me or the past. Me or Cooper. I know he loves me, but the ring was a blaring neon sign, reminding me that that I’m sharing Jamie with the ghost of our pasts.

I don’t want to share Jamie, not with anyone.

Doing one more lap of the junk food aisle, I add a sharing size tub of Haribo and a bag of crisps then make my way through the self-service till. With my head down and my hood pulled up, I leave the store. Outside, it’s as miserable as it was last night - angry clouds darken the sky, blocking out the moon and stars, while heavy raindrops fall to the concrete, flooding the sidewalks and turning the pavements into murky pools.

My feet move quickly to carry me home. I pass a group of teens taking shelter in the entryway to a pizza store, and an old man walking his dog, a large umbrella covering them both, and a couple laughing as they futilely try to avoid puddles. All of us step aside onto the grass verge as a bus drives past, spraying dirty water into our path.

By the time I’m outside my building, my black trainers have soaked through and my supposedly rainproof coat is heavy with moisture. As I reach the path that leads to the entry of my building, I look up and spot Jamie, heading towards our place from the opposite direction. One look at him and I step out of that limbo - I want him to hold me, not leave me alone. I hate being without him. Jamie stops when he sees me and despite the water clinging to my eyelashes disrupting my vision, I see the smile that creeps onto his face. He closes the space between us in a few long strides.

“You’re back,” I say.

With one hand, he pulls down my hood while the other slides over the back of my neck. He applies pressure, using his hold tomove me until our lips tickle and our warm breaths mingle into a white cloud floating into the cold night air. Without saying a word, Jamie kisses me, his tongue demanding entrance into my mouth, which I allow, opening so he can swipe in and devour me. He tastes like coffee and rain and Jamie. My Jamie.

Thunder claps and I shiver - from cold, from emotion, from desire, and Jamie pulls back enough to meet my eyes.

“I need you to know something,” he says.

“Can it wait until we’re inside?” I ask, tipping my chin towards the entrance of the building. The one solitary streetlight lights up his eyes as he shakes his head.

“No. I should have told you this the moment I realised it. I’m not waiting a second longer.”

“Okay, go on.” With my free hand, I move his damp fringe off his forehead, tracing his small scar with the tip of one finger.

“I need you to know that Cooper was my world.”

I suck in a sharp breath, not having expected those words.

“He was all I saw, and I fell hard for him. But Caiden, that was nothing compared to how I feel about you.” He changes his stance, opening his legs wider before putting one hand over my heart and the other on my cheek.

“While he may have once been my world, you are my entire universe. You are the sun, and the moon, and every cosmic space between. You are the greatest thing to ever happen to me, and the greatest love I have ever known.”

I open my mouth - to say what, I’m not sure. My mind races with his words and all the things I want to say in reply, but Jamie continues before I can formulate a complete thought.

“We’ve made mistakes to get to this point and I know we’ll make a thousand more because we’re human, and life is messy and chaotic, and sometimes it downright sucks. But I will never stop fighting for us and for you.”

Thunder booms louder seconds before a sheet of lightning illuminates the sky.

“I love you,” I say. “Thank you for being stubborn and not letting me push you away, and for choosing me.” My insecurities sit so closely to the surface, but I’m working on them, believing more every day that I deserve the good things that happen to me.

Jamie tips his head to the side, then presses his cold lips to my chin. “Oh, sweetheart, there was no choice, there was only you,” he replies before taking my hand and pulling me inside.

When we reach our flat, I put the groceries on the kitchen counter, strip off my jacket then turn to Jamie. His skin is pale, his lips a little blue from the cold. I come around the counter and lift his hoodie off. He does the same to me before we help each other remove our wet jeans until we’re both in t-shirts and boxers.

I’m the first to close the tiny gap between us this time, wrapping my arms around his waist and hauling his hard body into mine. “Where did you go? I mean, I think I know but…”

“To say goodbye,” he interrupts, confirming what I’d guessed. “You were right, I needed to do it, to put that part of my life to rest. I only want to look forward now.”

My hands move from his waist up to his back before tracing lines over his shoulders and coming to land on his chest. He flinches and I drop my hands, raising an eyebrow in question.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“No.” Jamie strips off his tee and my mouth falls open when I take in the new ink on his skin. “But this is a little tender.”

“When…what… I don’t know what to say.”

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