Page 81 of That One Moment

“Jamie?” Mum’s voice is soft as she wipes the tears from my cheeks.

“I’m in love with Caiden,” I state with unwavering certainty.

She smiles broadly. “Do you want me to act surprised? I’m happy you’ve figured that out for yourself.”

“Thanks Mum, for your advice. I don’t want anyone to ever think I didn’t love Coop - because I did, very much. With Cooper, the feelings were soft and comfortable but with Caiden they’re wild and untamed, and fuck me, I really am a hopeless romantic sometimes aren’t I?”

Mum laughs before saying, “Maybe I’m not the one you should be telling this to?”

She’s right - I need to find the perfect time to tell him. I may have new views on love but I’m still a romantic at heart. The first time, needs to be special.

Just then, the front door opens and a few moments later, Caiden and Duncan walk into the lounge, both wearing red and white Santa hats. Caiden’s wearing a scowl with his which only makes me love him more.

“Why would anyone go shopping two days before Christmas? I hated that.” He points towards the door. “I was ready to leave by the time we finally found parking. I miss Cooper and his over the top love of all things Christmas, he’d never have left things till the last minute.” Caiden’s eyes widen and he looks from me to his dad and back again. It’s the first time I’ve heard him talk about his twin in such a casual manner. It’s like Cooper stopped being a ghost among us and instead lives on as a happy memory that doesn’t hurt so much to talk about.

“He was so organised,” Duncan says, sitting down on the sofa next to Mum. “One year, he told me he had all his shopping done by Halloween and then kept asking if we could put the tree up in November.”

Everyone laughs and this knot in my heart that’s been there since the accident unwinds. Caiden stands between my legs and I look up at him, feeling my lips twitch and my cheeks ache from how big I’m smiling.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi. Missed you.” I pull him forward and nuzzle my face against his stomach. He’s wearing my hoodie again, and I love how soft the fabric is now and how much it smells just like him.

Caiden cards a hand through my hair. “Why do you have batter in your hair?” I lean back and he holds his finger out to me. I kiss the batter off and suck his finger into my mouth before releasing it with a pop.

“It’s our famous Durand Gingerbread. I’ll get you a piece.”

Caiden winces and looks at my mum, “Please tell me you didn’t leave him unattended in the kitchen?” Mum laughs, and the little shit in my arms joins her.

I hold him a little tighter, and even though I’m still scared I may not be able to keep him forever, I know every day I do get with him will be worth it.

A road winds around the outskirts of the forest, our car moving steadily through the darkness. I look to the side, catching Cooper’s bright smile. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay,” he says. His voice is calm and steady, laced with a surety that should be comforting but isn’t, because I don’t understand.

Confusion has me looking behind me to the empty backseat. What’s going to be okay? I don’t know, but it feels important, like I should know. My heart races when I turn back to the driver’s seat and he’s gone.

“Cooper!” I yell, but my words come out quiet and I grip my throat. Bright lights flash in front of me, and in the glow, I see him, inches from the front of the car.

“You’re both going to survive this. Take care of each other. Be happy.” There’s no fear or confusion on his face - only that sweet tip of his lips that I know so well.

The car lurches forward and Cooper dissolves into a flash of smoke. My chest aches but when I look in the rearview mirror and my eyes meet Caiden’s, the panic settles and the confusion subsides.

I understand now.

“We’re going to survive this. It’s all going to be okay,” I assure him and he nods, like maybe he understood all along.

My eyes shoot open, scanning the darkness around me. The dreams are coming less and less, in fact it’s been nearly a week since the last one, and even then, they’re not so clear anymore.

Caiden is fast asleep on his stomach, the blankets half off, giving me a glimpse of his naked body. He doesn’t stir as I settle closer to him, draping an arm over his back.

“I’m going to be by your side, for as long as you’ll let me,” I whisper. He shuffles onto his side so we’re face to face, but doesn’t wake up.

I lie there for what feels like hours, watching the twitch of his nose and the movement of his eyes behind his eyelids. When my gaze moves over his shoulder, I catch sight of a dark starry sky outside the window - neither of us having remembered to close the curtain. Not for the first time, I wonder if Cooper really is looking over us, and if he is, if he’s happy with what he sees.

I must have fallen asleep because it’s light outside when a hot, hard body against my back has me opening my eyes. Blinking them, I turn to my right and rest my cheek on the pillow. Caiden’s hot breath brushes my neck before I feel kisses from the top of my spine, down its length and to just above my ass. He works his way back up again until his lips meet my ear.

“Hmmm,” I groan. “This is a nice way to wake up.”

“It’s Christmas,” he says, his lips moving against the flesh of my neck. A full body shiver works its way through me, my muscles flexing with the action.

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