Page 64 of That One Moment

“Let’s see,” Sage starts. “Pretending like your girlfriend didn’t dump you in a spectacularly loud fashion in the middle of a hospital waiting room, ignoring the feelings you’ve developed for a certain, dark haired broody stepbrother, and putting off making plans after quitting your job with nothing else lined up. You, Jay, are a big fucking mess.”

I cover Nova’s ears and glare at Sage who only shakes her head at me, fondly.

“She’s three weeks old, she doesn’t understand the word ‘fuck’. Do you have nothing to say to any of that? You’re not even going to disagree with me?”

Sighing, I unstrap Nova and settle her on my chest as I sit down on the sofa next to Sage.

“No, because you’re right. I have no job, my girlfriend dumped me - not that I blame her - and I thought I had something special with Caiden but then, he’s done nothing but ignore me. I get he’s disappointed that I left, but I had to.”

Sage opens her mouth to say something and I cover it with my hand. We’ve already had this argument numerous times - and I’ve told her, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world - she needed me and I promised to be there for her. I wasn’t going back on that.

“Let’s pretend I didn’t rush home three weeks ago - what then? I couldn’t stay holed up in his flat with him no matter how much I wanted to. That wasn’t realistic, reality was always going to come and slap us in the face. And I asked him to come with me. He’s the one who said no.”

“He said he couldn’t because of his father, not because of you. You know things are more complicated than you’re making them out to be,” Sage reminds me.

“I get that, but I wasn’t enough to change his mind. If I mattered, ifwemattered, he’d have come with or at least answered my bloody phone calls.” I know I’m being unreasonable but over the past three weeks, I’ve moved from sad, to irrational to angry. “It’s very clear those weeks meant more to me than they did to him.”

Sage sighs. “What’s stopping you from going back now? With Rachel out of the picture, and no job, what’s keeping you here? And do not say me and Nova, because I won’t have that.”

Everything and nothing.

The feeling like he doesn’t want me there. The niggling inside that tells me pursuing something with Caiden will only end in heartache. The fact that I still haven’t found it in me to say goodbye to Cooper or let go of the belief that he was it for me and there's no one else I could love. The words stick on my tongue, unsure how to voice the reasoning I don’t quite understand myself.

“I don’t know. Can you let me be angry and sad for a little while before you try to make me think logically? Is that okay?” I bite out. Sage blinks but doesn’t look the least bit offended. She’sused to my moods by now. “I think Nova needs a walk.” Ignoring the pitying glare from Sage, I strap Nova back onto my chest then check she still has two socks on.

I’m gathering up the baby bag in the kitchen when my mum walks in, her hands laden with groceries.

“Oh, it’s my favourite person!” she exclaims, dropping all her shopping. She strokes Nova’s head before patting her on the back.

“Nice to see you too, Mum,” I joke and she looks up at me, fondness warm in her eyes.

“She’s cuter than you and you live here, I see you all the time.” Mum shrugs. “Were you two on your way out?”

“Jamie was having a tantrum and taking Nova with him as his emotional support baby,” Sage says from where she’s leaning against the door frame. I turn in her direction with an icy glare and she chuckles. “While you’re out, I’m going to take a quick shower,” she says, before disappearing up the stairs.

I help Mum unpack, Nova sleeping contentedly while I do. “Still upset about Rachel? I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you. She seemed nice,” Mum says. She doesn’t know about Caiden, I haven’t even told her I’ve seen him. I planned to, I did, but when he stopped answering my messages I figured it would be for the best to say nothing. No one needs false hope in this house.

“Yeah,” I say, with no conviction.

“Sorry, my love. Go have a walk, clear your head and when you get back, I’ll make us pancakes.”

“Thanks Mum.”

“For what it's worth,” she adds, “I don't think Rachel and you were a perfect fit. You never looked at her the right way.”

“What do you mean?” Nova stirs, and I sway from foot to foot to settle her.

“You looked at Cooper like he handed you the sun everytime he smiled. You glowed, like the love you had for him couldn't be contained.”

“Cooper was….he was everything to me.” Mum smiles at me sadly, doing that thing mums do when they look right through you and into your deepest secrets.

“I'll see you in a bit,” I say, then balance a sunhat on Nova's head. “Come on, little star, let’s get some sunshine.” At the front door, I check I have my phone then swing it open and come face to face with a pair of sparkling blue eyes that have way too much hold over me.

Caiden startles with his hand lifted, taking a step back then tracing his eyes down my face to the baby strapped to my chest. He's so gorgeous and I wish my temperature didn't rise when I notice that despite the summer heat, he’s wearing my hoodie again. He has a backpack over one shoulder, which he shifts uncomfortably to the other side.

“What are you doing here?” I don’t mean to sound angry, or maybe I do because fuck it, I am angry. I’m also so fucking relieved to see him, that it’s making me even angrier.

He coughs and clears his throat. “Is this Sage’s baby?” He takes a step forward and reaches out a hand that he quickly drops to his side. When I don’t answer he speaks again. “I was hoping…um…I wanted to see my dad.” His eyes dart over my shoulder before settling on my face again.

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